I Won't Quote

An Estonian influencer, whose fan I am not, posted a long article about how bad gluten is for you. And then I was reminded of one of my favourite YouTubers, whose video gave me inspiration for today. So I went to the store and got a loaf of white bread.

And had all of it.

Breakfast

For breakfast I had an absolute feast and toasted four slices of bread. Topped two of them with avocado and salt-pepper, one with fake Nutella and one with Biscoff.

I think I will never become someone who has bread for breakfast. (At the same time I did think I will never have anything other than porridge either, so...) But it was still very good. Avocado was perfectly ripe, so I hit a jackpot with it. And Biscoff and Nutella on bread was like something from my childhood. :D Even though then I didn't toast the bread. Mm, now I am thinking of Nutella on fresh bread, I think I will make myself a piece.

I wasn't too full and thought I would like to have something else, but at the same time I wasn't hungry either. Rest assured that if I felt starving, I would have had more food.

At one point I went to the store and thought about scratching this idea and have other kinds of foods, but during lunch time I felt like bread again. And not rye bread or oat bread or I don't know what kinf of bread, just normal, what bread. And like, recently I try to eat what I crave, so I had it. Yum.

Lunch

I had no idea what I wanted for lunch. This was probably why I considered not continuing with this challenge. Also I thought that I want more snacks and then I realised that even though I am eating a loaf of bread, it doesn't mean I am not allowed to have extra things. :D And my problem was solved.

For lunch I made beans in tomato sauce and buttered toast. I have had this kind of meal once before during my breakfast challenge, and I really liked it, but today I didn't really want it. Then I made it anyway and tasted it and mmmm... why don't I make it more often? :D For real, it was so good. And filling. After this I didn't even get a thought that I would like some more and more. It is probably thanks to the fact that beans have some protein and it helps to keep you full. :D I worreid about my protein and then realised that it was the purpose of my buying beans.

I really like all kinds of beans in tomate sauce, but my local store only haid Heinz ones and I had to pick those. And whenever I have had Heinz beans, I get this thought that yes, these are really much better than all the other kinds. :D I also added a pack of cherry tomatoes as a side, because I am used  to having something fresh with every lunch and this is a good option. Sometimes I have like 3 packs a day, no problem. Also cherry tomatoes actually have some taste to them, compared to normal ones in the winter. Estonian ones are still the best though.

Snack

I though of having bigger dinner and eating half a loaf of bread, but I realised it was not the best idea. :D Dinner was still huge, but I did have a little snack. It was toast with butter, cheese and tomato and also fresh bread with Nutella. :D Yum, it was so-so good.

Dinner

For dinner I was left with 8 slices of bread. :D But oh well, I am used to having more food in the evening, so this was fine. I made two of everything: avocado, hummus, cheese and apple jam. :D I really enjoyed them all. I also made sme coffee, even though I had dinner at 7 pm, haha. :D But I am not affected by coffee at all, I never have trouble with falling asleep or something. Besides the dinner reminded me of breakfast, so it was necessary.

I also wanted to add that I had more snacks throughout the day. During the day at one moment I had cottage cheese with raspberry jam, I used to be obsessed with this combo and now found it in the store again. And then I also had a whole pomelo, because I wanted something fresh. Also I feel a bit under the weather and vitamin C would be useful. Also citrus fruits are supposed to be good for you when you have a cold. Aa, I also had some cereal with milk, as I had an open package and well, I just wanted some. :D

Conclusion

What did I learn from this challenge? I don't know, probably nothing. :D Well, it taught me that bread shouldn't be afraid, which I kind of was. One thing is to have bread or rye bread for lunch, which seems completely fine for me, but this showed me that if you enjoy bread - please go ahead and have it for every meal.

It also kind of reminded me of the time where I had just moved to Tallinn, because my menu then kind of looked like it, haha. At the moment I couldn't do it any longer - I love more foods and I love cooking.

Another interesting thing is that I really prefer dark rye bread to wheat white bread. :D On the next day I wondered what to have for lunch and I still had half an avocado left - so I made avocado toast with rye bread. You can keep white bread - handmade rye bread is the way to my heart. Anyway, in general I always have some rye or normal bread in the freezer. I keep it there, because I can just toast it up and have it when I am in a hurry.

I think I enjoyed beans on toast the most, it was just a really nice combo. At the same time I still don't think I will become bread eater in the mornings. I enjoy other things much more. But sometimes for lunch - why not.

Someone asked about the pasta challenge that how did my... toilet schedule go. :D And I am telling you there wasn't any difference, hahaha. :D

My weight didn't change, but it would have been weird if it did from one day. Also after dinner I was quite full, no problem there. I think I enjoyed avocado toast the most. Rediscovered it. Also bread with cheese and tomato was also nice, a classic. Hummus one was okay, but I have never been a hummus sandwitch fan. Also I got this one hummus I really don't like, so that is probably why. I will still have it with some vegetables though, no worries. I don't waste food.

Nutella bread was soooo goood. Classical and reminded me of my childhood. But we never got Nutella then, it was a cheap version called Nussa instead. :D Oh, how nostagic. I want this cream what is half white chocolate, half milk chocolate now. :D

Anyway yes, this was a nice challenge. I really didn't feel restricted and didn't crave for other things. It was nice to give myself a permission to have as much bread as I wanted to. It was a chill Saturday.

I would like to do more of 24 h challenges and I have some ideas, but these will have to wait until the weekend. During the week it is kind of difficult due to work.

At one point I had a lot of drafts for the blog, about all kinds of different topics. But these do not make sense anymore, so I will not be posting them. At the moment I don't have this one longer challenge, which is kind of sad. I should pick up another weekly one, these were my favourites. Or okay, 5 day ones. I really liked to plan them out and post on Fridays. At the moment I don't even know what else to write about.

Aaa okay, I do have one monthly one, the one where I try vegan products. This month I haven't had too many things, but I am sure I get to try some and share my thoughts. It was really sweet when someone sent me a message saying that they tried this Alpro almond salted caramel ice cream and that they really loved it. :D Then I was like, yes, job well done!

Haha, if I don't have any ideas, then on Wedensday there is another episode of Expensive calories and I can always rant about this. At least something. But again, I wanted to say that my posts are written during an emotional high and I often change my standpoints later, especially if I read your comments and thoughts. So another big thank you to those of you who comment (in my Estonian blog).

I haveb't baked bread in a long time, should do it at one point. It is a bit diffiult when I am living alone as I have to have the whole thing by myself. Also I have this gas oven and I still don't understand the temperatures. So yeah, it is a bit difficult. At one point I will definitely try making bread though. I can also freeze it and have it when I want some.

I am also thinking of preparing some soup, I can take it with me to work. I should get a better container for it though, currently I use glass jar. It does the job, though.

Mmm... I have also made some pasta. I love it! :D I should gather up my courage and make it with pesto, I have been avoiding it. Basically every time I go to the store, I pick up pesto, check the calories and put it back on the shelf.

Also my "I will not get new snacks before I have had the ones I have" promise has not worked, ups. I like, want EVERYTHING. I have had a lot of crap, not going to lie. Sometimes I share it on my Instagram stories... if anyone is interested. Some people have told me that this helps them and shows them it is okay to have food and snacks and it is really nice to get this kidn of feedback. :D But I haven't gone down the road where I photograph all of my meals, except when I am doing a challenge, of course.

I don't know, should I write about gluten or something... maybe I should just mention that if you don't have an intolerance or allergy, it is completely fine to eat it. But argue with me, if you want to.

On Tuesday it is shrove Tuesday and we are eating semla. Kind of looking forward to it. I picked the one with marzipan this time, as I have had jam filled ones every year. I am not a huge fan of whipped cream, but once a year it is mandatory. Nom, I can have more bread. :D

Also I have been thinking of doing some more baking recently. I have only made banana bread thus far. :D I would like to make some blondies. So if you have a good recipe, preferably vegan, link me or tell me the recipe. I am ready to try! Recently I have been feeling like having a lof of cake, but I don't want to get a huge one from the store. But well, I go by this one mall on my way home almost every day and there are two cafes I could cake a slice from... hey, this is a really good idea!

On one day I went to a cafe with a friend. To have a cake. It has been my dream for sooo long - just walk into a cafe and pick a slice of cake. Not thinking about which one has less calories or is healthier. It took some time, but it is done now. :D We tried two cakes - one was chocolate cake with salted caramel and the other one Prosecco raspberry cake on browni base, highly recommend. They have really good cakes in general. They have this one raspberry peanut butter vegan cake which is to die for! Mm, now I imagine blondie with peanut butter... should really make it.

I may be hungry while writing this. xD Or most definitely. But I am currently making sweet pottoe in the oven and it will take around half an hour still. I picked the longer version today, caramellizing it and everything, even though in the microwave it would have taken a lot less time. But it is Sunday, I have time.

My mum came to visit me for a moment, we could talk for a bit. It was nice. I can't wait for this corona situation to be over. I want to invite her, my dad and sister over for three course meal... it is my dream and one of my bucket list items for sure. So yeah. Also I have been watching a lot of My Kitchen Rules, so I am kind of in the mood for cooking, haha. :D I was wondering if this makes me want to try meat or something but nope. Like I really don't want it. :D So I will keep living as a vegetarian.

But yeah, how was your weekend? What kind of challenges did you face and what else could I do? :D One of my hobbies is to Google different challenges, but it would be nice to so something actual people suggest. Also I think next week I will do the grains one, but I won't be posting about it on Friday, because I have some other meals planned. :D But then I will do it, I have several ingredients already waiting.

Recently I am proud of how much I have been reading! I have understood that what stopped me was this all or nothing mindset. I had to read EVERY day or not at all. Now I have been reading when I feel like it and it is really nice. I am about to finish my first book this year. Yes, at one point in my life this would have been so little, but considering I am not used to reading, I don't have as much time and my focus is a bit out there, this is good. I am kind of sad that the book is almost over. :D I am talking about this "The Painted Man". At least it is a series so I don't have to say goodbye to this world yet. Also with it, I got an idea of writing something myself. I used to be really good at writing (could this become my monthly challenge?). I actually have a story that I started a long time ago, but it is still very relevant right now. :D We shall see, I should go over it and see how cringey it is. I would love to start something new as well... I could have a side blog and post the story there. But it seems scarier than just posting blog posts. :D

Anyway, have a good Monday and don't forget to eat bread.

This week I decided that it is sime for another cooking project - baking bread with the starter.



There was a bread company that posted an article about making your own starter, so I followed it. From a friend I got a piece of bread (as me and my sister don't usually have bread at home) and also a mould. So I was ready to go.

So on the first day it was quite interesting to tear the bread into small pieces and start to feed it. Feeding on second and thurd day. :D I made jokes about having a new pet or tamagochi, who I need to take care of. :D

Anyway, on the fourth day my starter looked like this and was bubbling, meaning it was all good:



I talked to some people with experience on instagram, as I had so many questions! Is some of the starter just going to be to throw away? (I used it to make those Japanese cabbage pancakes.) How much starter do I need to add to my bread? The recipe on the bread company site was made for three big breads, I just wanted to make one. We shall see how it goies. At the moment I am on fourth day of growing my starter, and I will bake on Friday! Also I am soon having a vacation from work! Can't wait!

It is sixth day now and my starter is doing well, thank you for asking. Tonight I will make pre-dough and then tomorrow morning I will put it in the mould, then go out for a bit and will bake during lunch. Please keep your fingers and toes crossed for me! :D I will make a proper seeded loaf.

Pre-dough came out well and I also took a small "son of starter" to bake again some time. Anyway, on the seventh day I made the real dough - it came out around 850-900 grams.



Dough while it was still rising.

Anyway, I let it rise a little and it rise so beautifully! I was not expecting this. :D Then I put it in the mould and went to have a coffee with a friend (via coffee window. It was so cool, you rang a bell and they opened a window and you got your coffee in a little basket).



When I got home, I put the bread in the oven... and in an hour I had a nice warm loaf ready!



I couldn't even wait for it to properly cool down, I really wanted to try it already. :D

And it tastes like real rye bread! I added some seeds to give it a little crunch. Next time I want to add hemp seeds, because these should be extra crunchy. I am convinced I am going to bake in every 2 weeks (as the starter is good for about 14 days). Maybe even more often... bread world is so big and I really want to try different add-ins like seasonings and all that... yum, I can already imagine it. :D



Proper amount of seeds as you can see. And it looks like real bread!!! :D

Anyway, I am really happy with this and I would like to thank all the people who helped me, answered to my questions and just cheered me on. Thank you! Also if anyone wants some starter - please contact me, I am happy to share.

All in all I would say that the hassle was so worth it!

White bread and bread were things that I was deadly afraid of before going to the hospital. I guess it also plays into that that all the news and magazines were saying "bread is bad for you", "don't eat wheat products" and so on. Even if I didn't let it affect me, it kind of stuck in my head. Thus I made the decision to not have bread. I often had salads for lunch, or - I have to admit - those 5 minute cup of soups, which are really unhealthy. They are worse than bread could ever be.

When I was at the hospital, me and my family went to have lunch together at one point. They offered  some home baked bread with seeds and butter and it was amazing. Also at the hospital we had 2 slices of bread at every meal. And this actually helped. It is true that you have to repeat eating your fear foods. When I hadn't bought bread when I was discharged, I probably would have started to be afraid of it again. But I did buy it and it was a great decision.

For lunches at work I started to make myself sandwiches. It was amazing. I usually had them with butter, cheese and cucumber or tomato, sometimes with hummus or something similar as well. Then came the period where I didn't have bread as much and I already could feel it becoming scary again... until i finally bought some new bread.

The moments where my sister made some toast in the morning, I always tohught that toast smelled so good. I craved for bread more than usually. With this illness, I think the more you forbid yourself, the more you start to want it. I think I could have a whole bread in a day and it would still not be enough. It is like this with many things that I have been wanting but haven't let myself have. I am constantly thinking about it.

For example when I haven't let myself have cheese, I start craving it. And when my mum came to visit us and we had some wine and cheese, I had to really be mindful and try not to just eat ALL the cheese. I finally let myself have it and I had it so much that I started feeling physically sick. I just couldn't stop.  So it would probably be better if I gave my body the things it wants. Constantly. But it is difficult. And I have no idea if any of this has a point that I have written down...

Now that I am at the home office due to corona virus, I decided to tackle my fear and bake bread myself. I happened to stumble on a recipe and I have translated it into English as well:







This recipe was good, because it had few ingredients and I had them all at home.



It had a lot of seeds in it, but seeds and nuts are really difficult for me, as they have a lot of calories in them (but at the same time they have a lot of GOOD fats and they are healthy in their essence. My mind still only focuses on calories though...). But anyway, I followed the recipe wholly and I didn't leave anything out (for example I thought oil was unneccessary). I made it as it was supposed to be made!



Right before going into the oven when I still let it rise for 30 minutes.



Added some extra seeds on top.

And it came out to be wonderful! Really really good. It was really... thick and nice. The taste was so good, especially with hummus and fresh spring onion. And with roasted bell peppers. Definitely one of my favourte breads! I am sure I will make it again in the future and probably will bake it for my parents as well when I go to visit them.



Of course with eating it came the feeling of guilt. Because, well, I cut myself some really thick slices and I had only had soup on the previous days. Was it a good idea to have bread now? There are more calories... and so on and so on. I am tired of myself sometimes. But at the same time part of me was really proud about baking this bread that it kind of made up for the feeling of guilt.

I really want to bake something else as well. I have been thinking about making healthy carrot cake or something similar, but at the moment I couldn't find a recipe that would not have tons of sugar. I will look into it more. Like, it would be nice to have Friday as a baking day like we did at the hospital. I also need to take into consideration that my sister doesn't eat wheat (honestly she just frustrates me sometimes) and this kind of sets boundaries for the cooking (as I will be unable to eat everything myself. I also don't have a big enough freezer to keep things there).

I guess for the next fear food I want to challenge pasta. I don't understand why it is so difficult to have this, but I can easily eat noodle dishes, woks and something like this. I just don't understand.