Or like, almost. :D 

This is a weird challenge and I don't know how to start writing about this. Because I really didn't plan on writing about it or sharing it, because it was just a random idea.

At the same time I thought that oh well, it doesn't matter, it is not that weird. I am not going to post naked pictures of myself or something, this I would never do (although lets be honest, who of us hasn't thought about making an OnlyFans account...).

Anyway, I saw this experiment on Youtube and even thought I didn't watch the video (I am adding this now, but I watched a little different video now, this one. :D). But anyway, the weather has just been sooooo hot and I thought I could try this. I think I started it like a month ago now, but I am not too sure. I think it is about that.

At first it was really weird and it didn't help with the heat - I was still too hot. Of course I also didn't give up my blanket, I just held it scrunched up in my sleep, because otherways I will not fall asleep. Anyway yes, I did get some sleep and I have done so for a month now. And I have a feeling that I am not going to stop any time soon, because it is actually very comfortable.

Actually I was also inspired by my relative, who always sleeps naked. :D And I have to admit, she is right - it is comfy. I don't wake up in the middle of the night, soaked in sweat or something. Also sleeping naked seems to be much more popular than people think. A lot of the people have asked me how have I slept with clothes on until now. :D

I don't know, I guess first 2 weeks were kind of weird. Or like, I had to remind myself to take off my clothes. :D At the moment it is already colder outside and I have to keep a blanket on myself, especially if my windows are open. But anyway, everything feels so much softer. :D Especially if you have just taken a shower. I always wash up in the evenings, I can't imagine taking a shower in the morning. I guess it would wake me up more, but I would constantly think that oh no, I am going to be late for work or something. I always have to check the time and I need to have enough time to get ready, because if I don't, I get annoyed, hurry a bit too much, forget things or make mistakes.

To be honest there isn't much to write on this topic, I just did it, haha. :D At the same time I have also been back home at my parents' place and slept there. And then I have felt like I should still keep my clothes on. Even though I didn't do it in the end - it was 33 degrees and I have my own room there. But when I am visiting someone, I will definitely not sleep naked. xD At home I even wondered like what does my cat think about it, but luckily there isn't anyone else to stare at me.

When I get up and make myself coffee and food, I of course put clothes back on. I feel a bit chilly when I get up and it is kind of annoying, because...

I don't like my body. Especially lately, it is so annoying and I am always bothered, my weight has gone up and my body parts are just thicker. I have a bloated belly etc. Like yesterday I also came to work with pretty tight clothes, it sounded like a good idea at home. But when I was at the office and passed a mirror, I just wanted to start crying, because I just felt awful about myself. Today I made a better decision and wore a loose hoodie and jeans, it is also kind of cold outside and we don't have any meetings today. Also, I am almost the only person at the office as well.

In general past few days have been kind of bad. I just feel disgusting and I literally want to throw up at the thought of myself. Everything seems so awful and pointless and I want to ignore everyone, I just want to be alone and not do anything. Well, I would like to go to the gym and take walks, but I just can't find motivation to talk to people. It is my last day before vacation today and even this does not bring any positivity into my life, because I have plans already and... just let me BE. Like with the last vacation, everything is planned ahead, what to do with who and when etc. But I just want a free day for myself. :D Sorry for being like this, I just can't help it. Also with the plans comes eating and I don't want that. I would like to tell people that yes let's do something together but I don't want it to involve food. I want to eat alone and be by myself. I know social eating is okay and nice, but I just can't handle it at the moment. It seems too much, everything seems too much at the moment and I can't deal with the information that is coming from everywhere. I just wan't to switch off for a second. I KNOW that when the time comes I will enjoy these moments and it is not going to be as bad as it seems, but just... it is difficult. It is so fucking difficult. Instead of only affecting my guilt, eating has control over every emotion I have. I don't understand why it isn't becoming easier. I am always annoyed when I am eating with someone, I am thinking about what I have had the wgole day and I just can't stand it. Even in my last post, where I wrote about my perfect day, during the Queen's concert I just kept thinking about the meal and fact that I can't have anything and home now. I would just like to knock myself out for a while.

Also on Monday after work we went to spa with my sister and her friend. It was quite nice, if I didn't get a terrible stomach ache. It kept getting worse and worse, even though I took some meds. After 1,5 hours I just went home, because I felt super sick.

I managed to take a shower and get dressed and then I really thought that I can't do it. I wanted to say the workers there to call me an ambulance, because I thought I was going to die. Instead I still walked home, trying not to puke and I was crouching over all the way, it was the only way I could move a little. I am glad I live so close to this spa, because I wouldn't have made it home otherways.

I got into bed and for 45 minutes I was in true agony and I really didn't know what to do. Honestly, I don't think I have ever been in so much pain and I have no idea why it happened. Next day I fel better, but still not 100%, so I skipped gym and everything, went home and rested. Even though I felt guilty, because it was a free evening and I didn't do anything. :S

But spa itself was nice! A lot of saunas, warm water etc. I would have liked to be there for longer, because I didn't even try out everything, but yeah, I felt so awful I couldn't do it. I really liked Japanese onsen, because in Japan we also went there. And it is so weird that the water is so warm you actually get super hot sitting in it. :D Which is nice, is that they had free drinking water available all the time, this is the first spa that has it, or at least where I have seen it.

Anyway, this was weird pain and I hope I won't get it again. I am thinking that it would have been nice if my period started, but yeah. Not looking forward to cramps either. :D

I have my next psychologist appointment on 12th of August, because I have a vacation and then she is resting as well. Yesterday I felt that I REALLY need to talk to her, but I couldn't. Just yeah, not feeling my best at the moment.

I would like to go out for more runs, but I also like working on the equipment at the gym. And I just don't have time for both things. I am always walking around a lot, I love going to the stores and just look around and I get home quite late due to this. Then around 6 I usually go to the gym and I usually do 45 minutes on the machine and 15 minutes on the stair master. And then it is already past 7 when I go home, but then I want to instantly eat dinner. But I need to go home, shower, cook etc and then I don't really have time for running. :( I should proabably do one day running, one day gym or something? I don't know, I still haven't found my running motivation to be honest, everything is so difficult constantly.

But anyway, I will try to complete some urgent things at work and then enjoy my vacation, as much as I can. Today at 9 they also show the opening ceremony for Olympic Games again, I am thinking that I will make some tea and watch this. Maybe I will go for a little run as well. I went to the gym yesterday and my muscles are really sore, so I can't work on the machines I think, so maybe I will focus on running today. :)