Yep.
Probably everyone are thinking that this is not a good idea, your health isn't the best yet, you shouldn't move at all and so on. And I guess it is true to some degree. I shouldn't move too much or too fast. So I have strict rules about what I am allowed to do and what not. I talked to my psychologist about it, and also my doctor. They agreed I should join a gym and attend yoga classes.
So that is what I am doing! This time I picked 24/7 Fitness, as one of the clubs is really near to my home and workplace. I will just pack my clothes with me and go to yoga after work. And if there are not classes on that day, I can go to other location.
Already the first time when I went to yoga class, my mental state became a lot better. I felt as if I had control over my life again, like I had succeeded in something. It felt so good and simple and nice! Also I had a very challenging day at work, and the only thought that kept me going was that I can go to yoga after it.
Yes, of course I could just follow online videos, as I have done before. But this is not it. I need someone to teach me, show me and help me with modifications. And this is the best done with a trainer in place.
Also I can see other people, how they look like. I see those who don't necessarily attend the classes, but who are just running, using the bike or doing other exercises.
On Monday I wanted to go to stretching class, but it was cancelled due to lack of people registering. I thought of just going to the gym and doing something else, but I stopped myself, knowing this is not a right thing to do.
And the next day toga class took place. And I discovered during the last exercise, that I wasn't thinking about anything. I had been completely free from thoughts for 45 minutes. It was so weird, but felt amazing. I am constantly thinking and worrying about things. It helps to just go for a walk, but I haven't felt so rested from my thoughts in a while. The coach asked in the end how I liked the class and said that it seems as if I was in the right place in the right time. And I am so grateful for that.
In general I really like the staff there. They are all so nice, sincere and always give feedback. They often show modifications to people who are not as flexible (like me :D). So I have been really pleased with all the classes I have attended.
Once I went to pilates class as well, which was a little more challenging than yoga. But at the same time I like them both. I still need to stop myself from attending classes every single day. I have the feeling as if I need to go. But it is important for me to take care both of my physical and mental health. And I want to work out because I like it, not because my eating disorder is forcing me. As time has shown, even without working out I haven't gained too much weight.
I have discovered that I am hungrier and eat more when I go to yoga. I have been feeling really guilty about it. And this adds to the stress of having different meals than my sister. But oh well, until now I have felt the bad feelings and just gone forward. I haven't been as stuck as I was before.
So yeah, I will continue going to yoga classes and getting better. I have shown to myself that I don't have to go to gym every day. I still somehow feel that if I have been to on one day, I NEED to go on other day as well, but I have managed to stop myself. I usually go to yoga about 2 times per week, and this is enough.
I feel good. I am super motivated on those days. It is fun.
