This post will probably be the longest one, as there is a lot to tell about.

Firstly I want to say that it was difficult. Very difficult. It didn't matter that the foods were tasty and I wanted to try everything and not restrict - it was still difficult. I kept thinking about what I would eat at home and how much less I would eat and so on. At one point I tried to make a deal with myself to worry about things when I get home and try to relax during the trip, but my emotions were still all over the place. What helped was definitely when friend ate with me and they ate the same things and it wasn't something special for them. Eating was just a normal part of the trip. So I guess I kind of handled it okay mostly, even though I still could have done better.

It was the most difficult to deal with liquid caloried, like drinks. That's why I usually opted for water, even though I would have liked to try something else (but I did try other things as well, for example at karaoke I drank a lot of melon soda and so on).

There were some moments I was upset and felt bad, but... I feel like this trip was indeed a restart. I told everyone that I will handle it as a new beginning and I kind of feel that I managed to do that. To mention my weight - I didn't gain or loose any weight. It is the exact same as it was when I was at home. This showed me that I can eat a lot more than I thought, and the weight is not going to pile up, I am not going to be like a balloon and I won't get fat. It was a restart.

I feel like there has been a switch in my head. Coming back to Estonia, my weight went up a bit. It did make me feel anxious and uncomfortable, but then I thought that okat, I will just skip some snacks and get back to the lower weight. And then a voice in my head was like... why? And I didn't know the answer. I was so obsessed with the idea to get back into my low weight. And I mean, skipping a snack is not a huge thing... but it is a first step. First step towards restricting again. Firstly it would be the morning snack, then lunch snack, then evening snack. Then lunch entirely. Then breakfast. And then there is nothing left.

So on the same day that I decided to skip the morning snack, I went to the kitchen at 11 am and got a handful of oat cookies. And ate them. And I did feel bad and I felt guilty - but I didn't let the thoughts bother me. I was, for the first time, strong enough to overcome this feeling.

Like, I am not saying I don't care anymore or that it is easy. Far from that. I still have really hard time and there are tons of bad thoughts in my head. This eating disorder is still so-so strong. But I care less. I don't care about eating that much. My life doesn't revolve around it as much anymore. And this trip helped me a lot. There were so many more things to do and see and feel that I didn't think about eating. I mean, yeah, still did it a bit, but I didn't live from one meal to the next, which was my way od existing in Tallinn.  I didn't think about lunch straight after breakfast. I ate breakfast, I had coffee and I was present. I had fun with my best friends and full stomach was just there. It didn't make me feel in any particular way and eating wasn't an obsession any more. And it felt so good. I have been doing really well with eating at home in the recend days that I am kind of feeling proud.

I am not saying that things will stay like this. I bet there are going to be tough days, but at the moment, regarding eating.... I feel good.

So let's talk about all the foods I had in Japan.



This was my breakfast on the plane. There was a problem and they didn't know I had a vegetarian menu, so in the evening they organized me to have a salad. But I could have breakfast omelette. This was quite good.



The first thing we tried as soon as we got to Japan. Onigiri with salmon. It wasn't as good as my all time favourite - tuna and mayo one - but it was still good!

On the first evening we went to an udon place. Udon is this really thick noodles, which I had never tried before, but they tasted amazing. In my dish there was also kimchi and some rice cakes, which were AMAZING. And some tofu. It was all soooo ooo oooooo good. I wish we were in Japan for longer so we could have gone back there again. :D

The service was super friendly, as soon as we sat down, we were brought some green tea and when my friend asked meatless option for me, they went to confirm it with the kitchen immediately. It was interesting that the food was brought to the table and it had live fire under it, it was still boiling. So it was super fresh!



I am still thinking about those rice cakes and drooling over them. :D We are going to a Japanese restaurant with friends soon, and they have udon. But I am scared of picking it, because I bet it is not as good as this. :D

And the portion was gigantic. I thought I was going to explode and silently regretted the onirigir I had had for lunch. :D I didn't feel guilty though - probably because the others were eating as well and it was just part of a trip.

For the second day breakfast we had onigiri again. I thought I would explain what is onirigir. It is a triangle, or circle or box of rice, which has a filling, and mostly has nori sheet around it.

My favourite one was definitely tuna mayo one, but I tried salmon one (had too little salmon), fish roe (this was good, spicy), pickled plum one (I really liked it, surprisingly). My friend also tried chicken one which was not her favourite, but she got another one at the airport, which was better.

Onigiri is like... Japanese sandwich. They had sandwiches at the store as well though, but we always opted for onigiri. :D I really recommend to try it if there is a chance. Or make it yourself.  There is onigiri in some Estonian restaurants, but I haven't tried them and don't know how authentic they are.

We went to have dinner in Sushiro, which is a place where people sit around a table and there is conveyerbelt with sushis going around. Most of them cost about 1 euro (or 100 yen). You can also order sushi from the menu.



As it was quite chilly, we had mis soups and tons of sushi. So good! Taste is not that different from what you get here in Estonia, but you could taste the freshness of the food. Sushi was a bit more... homely? In Estonia it is always so posh and has a lot of toppings. In Japan it was more normal. Not as... overdone?

On the evening I tried an ice cream with red bean paste and mochi. Not my favourite, but at least I tried it and it wasn't bad. For a moment I fel like "wasting calories", but I got over it. Yep, it is easier to deal with this emotion now. I still feel bad, but I am able to get over it. It has been going well in Estonia now too.



On the third day we went to Korea Town and had some food in the restaurant there. I could finally try ddukbokki, which are these rice cakes in chilli sauce, served with fish cakes that were so good. I also took ramyon, which is Korean version of ramen. Food was amazing and I was so full after it. We also tried a bottle of soju (Korean version of sake), which tasted like peach. I mean, come on, we were on a holiday and could have it!



Our next stop was in Harajuku Starbucks. One thing I had promised myself was that I would try Sakura milk latte. It was so good. Super sweet and I couldn't have a bigger cup, but it was really good still.

In Japan they don't write your name on a cup, and don't call it out. You pay for your drink, move a little and then get your cup when it is ready. :) I think it is a good system, I probably wouldn't hear my name and would simply be unable to get a drink. :D

On the evening I tried another ice cream, which was more like shaved ice with condensed milk and fresh fruits and berries. I think it was better than the mochi one, but basically on the same level. It was really interesting and good. My friend said she liked it a lot and I was not disappointed.

On the fourth day we went to Tokyo again and had melon bread as a snack. I just... cannot. How good they are. Honestly. There are different ones - just bread ones, ones with chocolate chips, ones with different fillings. We took a normal one but from a stal lthat made them fresh (even though store bought ones are just as good!). Japanese bread is so fluffy and soft. I regret not taking any at home, I could have probably somehow put it in my luggage... :D

We went to have food at okonomiyaki place, which was also recommended by different tourist sites online. Okonomiyaki is sort of like... cabbage pancake, that also has different good stuff in it. Mine also had potato, pumpkin, fresh sprouts, corn and maybe something else which I cannot remember at the moment. You top it with sauce that is a bit like BBQ sauce and mayo, in addition you add some green coloured seasoning and bonito (fish) flakes. And it is sooooo good. Amazing. You fry it in front of you and have it fresh from the grill. Also it was adorable that they used pig fat to fry it, but as seeing I ordered a veggie version, we were brought olive oil. :) Japan, you are amazing!



On the same evening we went to a karaoke, where we had free soft serve ice cream with melon syrup. Melon is really popular thing, there is also melon KitKat for example. And after the karaoke we went to a store, where I picked up cheese and tomato paste wrap and it was better than anything I have ever had.

On the fifth day we went to Kamakura and we had soba (soba is noodles made with buckwheat flour) and tempura (deep fried veggies and seafood). And it was amazing. My friend gave me a piece of her mushroom tempura, and I think I fell in love. :D Soba itself was really amazing as well... and the broth... mmm, I feel hungry just writing it down. Eating was a bit difficult and the portion was huge, but I tried to be over it and told myself that others are eating as well.



Walking around we found a really cute coffee shop where we had a drink and then moved forward. We wrnt to Enoshima after Kamakura, and after that we went back home.

At home my friend made us yakisoba, which was tough for me. Noodles twice a day? What am I thinking?! But NOTHING HAPPENED. I am still the same as I was before having noodles twice a day. My clothes didn't become too small, I didn't become fat. JFC, Signe, get a grip.



I also tried natto! I have been wanting to try it for years and I finally could do it. Natto is... fermented soybeans. And they have a weird slimy texture. Taste... I think they didn't really have much taste to them, I would have liked to add some salt. xD I tried it with mustard and soy sauce and it was better like this. I think I would have it if it was in something. Somewhy I thought it would be super salty or something.

Yakisoba is basically noodles with yakisoba sauce, cabbage and carrots, on top of it you add mayo and nori. And pickled ginger (I am just obsessed with pickled ginger at the moment, send help!). Food was just amazing. And it was easier to eat it, than doing the same in a restaurant. As if the control was in my hands, even though I didn't prepare the food myself. :D Anyway, it was a good day... We also tried some yuzu drink (yuzu is Japanese orange), which was super good. I got the same but plum version to take home with me. When my mum is coming to visit next weekend, we are going to try it.

On the sixth day one of my friends left us to go to a concert in Tokyo. Thus we had dinner together at like 10 pm, when she got back to Tsukuba.

We wanted to go to a gyoza place (Japanese dumplings), but they didn't have anything vegetarian except for one salad, which my friends said is unacceptable and that we will find another place. There was another kind of traditional Japanese place in the same building, where we finally sat down. We had a few drinks and my friends had gyoza, while I had rice with hot water and green vegetables. Nothing special. I also tried tamagoyaki (Japanese omelette) and radish tempura which my friends ordered.



This kind of weird food. And I had plum wine.

All in all this evening was really nice, but because we all ate different things, my eating disorder acted up a bit.

On the seventh day we had breakfast at home, but for a quick lunch we had McDonalds. It was also in my list - to try Japanese fast food. I couldn't have had anything if they didn't have seafood option, which they luckily did. I didn't try a normal fish burger, but went for kind crab one. I also had a coke. It was pretty good and different. We also tried KitKat McFlurry, which is something you don't have in Estonia. :D



On the same day we went to onsen and then after that we started to look for a place for dinner. We wanted ramen, as this was something we hadn't tried yet. We found an option and someone called there, asking if they have meat-free vesion. And they said that the six of us are coming soon.

Ramen was amazing! A lot better than the ones I have had in Estonia, definitely. I had miso ramen, as my friend had been raving about it and it was stuck in my head that I want to try it.



The portion was of course huge again. On the side they offerec iced green tea, which was also good. A perfect evening to a perfect day.

On the same evening we tried some drinks, which had very little alcohol (3%) in it. My friend went to a store and got three different ones - she picked yoghurt tasting one for herself. At first I was really sceptical, because it sounded too weird... but when I tried it, it tasted like yoghurt indeed, but better?! :D Anyway, you cannot imagine it unless you try it. Highly recommend. :D

We also got some snacks, which was sweet potatoes in cinnamon. It was soooooooo good. I bought some sweet potato snacks to bring home as well and I just cannot get over them. We are making jokes with my friends that the one living in Japan has to send us subscription boxes and we would send her money. :D

On the eight (and last) full day in Japan we had lunch at Kona's Coffee, which was Hawaiian style pancake place.



There was so much to choose frm and it was difficult to make a pick. I finally decided on iced latte and pancakes with smoked salmon, avocado and stuff salad. I tell you, this green sauce was the best thing I have ever had in my life. And these pancakes were sooo nice and soft and fluffy and tasted so good, especially with butter. I really liked this place, it was nicely decorated and there were so many cool details. It was also fun to watch people eat, because the portions were huge and at one point I just wondered how these small people had pancakes with so much whipped cream. :D I don't even know why, but this was one of my favourite dishes I had. xD Even though... I have said this about everything in this post. :D



On the ninth day we went back home, having onigiri as breakfast. At the airport I also had my favourite melon bread - with chocolate chips. And in the plane I had proper vegetarian menu. First dish I didn't really like, but it filled me up. It was unfair that others had ice cream as a dessert, but I had some weird stuff with raisins, which tasted like alcohol. XD Second meal on a plane was better.

Ah, I also had a croissant with tomato and cucumber as a snack, while others had some sweet pastry.

Anyway, I reallt want to go back and try more Japanese foods. As I mentioned before, I would like some taiyaki, takoyaki, nabe, mochi, daifuku... I want all the foods. :D

At the moment I am depressed at home, sad over the fact I can't have these things in Estonia. Come on, we have some stores that sell asian foods, but they don't have a great selection. I hope that at one point I will be able to buy these things in Estonia... or there is another way - going back to Japan. Also, next time I will bring much less stuff with me to take more back.