Or okay, not really zero, because this is quite impossible. Then I would have had to stay in bed all day, not to mention I couldn't go to bathroom. But I walked... very little. How much? Well, I don't know, because I removed my watch, put it in the drawer and decided to spend the day doing nothing.
On Saturday I went to the beach with some friends and then later we all came to my place and on the next day I was just soooo tired. I got out of bed at like half past 12 and I was thinking about going to the gym. But then I wondered why. Why do I make myself go, if I really don't have to. Why do I keep making myself walk around for hours and hours? And I gave myself a permission to rest. I accepted the thought of doing nothing all day. Not go out at all. To rest.
And as soon as I gave this permission to myself, I felt so good. So free. So normal. I didn't check the time. Usually my weekend is like that: at least by 11 I am out of the house, taking a little walk. Then I go back home to have lunch and after lunch at one point I go to the gym. But I didn't want to force myself, I didn't want to think that I HAVE to move, have to do something, have to be active. And it was soo freeing.
Of course laying in bed I looked at other's Instagram stories and saw one for example that said "if you walk home from a party and night and have 17 000 steps by 7 am". It was, well, triggering. Instantly I got this competitive feeling and I felt like I should walk a bit as well, why am I so lazy, a vegetable doing nothing. :D And then my next thought was that why do I even compare myself to them. What does it give to me? Nothing but stress.
I had a lot of fun last night. I felt like a human, not like an eating disorder or depression or anxiety or suicidal. I felt just... normal. I was interested in people, talking, being, music etc. I didn't think about not doing anything. I had a very easy day activity vise yesterday, even though at first I did plan going to the gym. But I skipped it. Because it doesn't matter. If you don't go to the gym for a week. Two. Three. Just... don't go at all if you don't feel like it, it is fine. :D There are a lot of people who don't do any activity. There are so many more aspects to life.
At the moment I have already had breakfast, proper lunch, drank several cups of coffee with vanilla soya milk and honestly I still feel very normal. In the morning I had a loot of anxiety. Honestly I felt like I was going to die. I even did some breathing exercises my psychologist taught me and all that. I don't know if it helped. Maybe a little, I got out of my head, focused on this one thing and it releaved some panic. But it didn't go away completely and at the moment I feel a bit disgusting, but I am not giving up.
In the evening my sister is coming over, I will try to make some Chinese and I will make naan bread myself. I hope it comes out fine, I have hope. :D I need to go by the store and get some veggies for it. My first thought was that I should go to the one Maxima store that is further away so I could get some steps in. But then I was like no, Signe, we are having a rest day. And if I already walk a few thousand, I can't stop.
I am annoyed at the constant step measuring. From my home to shopping center: 7500-8000 steps. From work to home: 12 000 steps. From my place to my sister's place: 3000 steps. From work to the shopping center: 4000 steps. It is pointless. :D But somewhy I just remember these things.
I liked that when I told my best friend I am doing this challenge, she just said "FINALLY". :D Because yes, this is a problem. And this feeling that you CAN rest is so freeing. Yes, I did think that maybe I shouldn't eat that much today, because I am not moving a long etc. But like, food is good, you gotta eat and even just being uses up some energy. I wouldn't have had any strength to write this post if I didn't eat. :D I wouldn't have been happy to go downsairs when my friend brought me some honey (good Estonian honey, if anyone is interested). I would have been too tired to talk to her. But it was so fun. Just to see another person for a few minutes and chat a little. It really made me feel more positive.
Anyway yes, this is my Sunday. A proper rest day. I could get used to this. :D Yes, I like walking, running, hiking, working out, being active and all that, but it doesn't mean I want it to be my obsession. I want to do those things when I feel like it. For example yesterday I went for a walk and during the middle of it I wrote to my sister saying that I don't want to walk anymore. I just couldn't. It was a waste of time.
I should of course study for uni entrance exam, but... well,I have a REST day. Sundays are meant to be for resting. :D I am starting to understand this, I hope I can incorporate more days like this into my life.
But yeah, in general... when people share how much they walk and how many steps they have taken, it is really heavy and awful in my mind. I am trying to get rid of it so much, but it always still affects me negatively. This is why I almost never write down how much I walk etc, I just don't want people to compare themselves to me and feel bad or think that they need to beat me. This is a very bad road to walk on.
I will now go to the closest of stores and then continue laying in bed, because... RESTING.
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And now I have been to the store, taken a shower and cleaned a little at home. I am feeling million times better. I sat outside in the sun a little and I just was, not thinking about the steps and not counting the steps in my mind, which is a thing I sometimes do. I just chilled and was present, was with myself. I have gotten rid of the anxiety, maybe a little is still left, but not much. Soon my sister is coming over and... I don't know, I feel human. :D I am not worried about not walking and these kind of moments are really important to me.
I thought that maybe I could record some of the book and I guess I will do it a little later. I will try to mark down later or tomorrow how I am doing in general. :D
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So, okay, in the evening I also didn't give uo and I didn't go for a walk, even though I wanted to. Instead I started making food, when my sister came. I planned making tempura coated veggies with chilli-garlic-honey sauce and naan bread. My tempura coating was a bit of a failure, because I had some premade mix, and I made it too liquidy. But it tasted fine still.
I used carrots, cauliflower and broccoli, cut it all into small chuncks and put them into the tempura batter and then to the air fryer. Also added some salt. I made it in batches, to make them crispy, and then put everything in at once to make them hot. It came out really well. Then I had some sriracha-galric sauce which I added honey to, mixed everything up and it was done.
At the same time I also made some naan bread. I tried to find this recipe online, but I couldn't. Anyway, I used 150 g of flour, 150 g of yoghurt, teaspoon of baking powder, tablespoon of water, teaspoon of salt and a little sprinkling of sugar. I mixed it all up, kneaded it for a bit and rolled it out. It was SUPER sticky, but I managed!
Fried it a few minutes on the pan in oil from both sides and then topped it with herb-butter and garlix mix. It looks green due to the herbs in butter.
Anyway this dinner was AMAZING. Me and my sister watched three episodes on Brooklyn 99 and enjoyed the evening. Then I went to bed. It was a really nice rest day and this has been one of my favourite challenges, haha. :D
