Avoiding foods

3:58:00 AM

I thought about not posting today, because my vacation started and I don't have anything written down. But then I decided I will still write a bit and make a short post, because it is kind of weird to not post on my assigned day without a warning. So this is published later than usually, but still, better late than never.

About my last post, I did a poll on instagram and it appears that sleeping naked is more popular than I thought. :D It was quite a surprise. Several people also wrote to me and asked like what the heck, did you sleep with clothes on until now, haha. :D I don't really understand it either, because it is much better to sleep without clothes. Especially if you have shaved and put on fresh bedsheets. :D Anyway yes, I think that I will continue like this, though I am not getting naked when I visit someone.

I have several thoughts in my head...

Lately I have thought that maybe I still avoid some fooda. But at the same time things that I eat, I really enjoy. So then I am just torn all the time, do I really avoid foods or is it okay to constantly have same stugg? I don't know, I am not good enough at analyzing this stuff.

My menu is quite varied, I mean, I eat a lot of fruits and vegetables, I add some healthy protein and also carbs, of course. But yeah, the things I cook are always very similar. Like lately for the past few months I have had porridge for breakfast all the time and already when I go to sleep, I think that I can't wait for the morning to come, because I want my oatmeal. This is really my favourite food and the day isn't right if I don't start it with it. Yes, I can eat other stuff as well, but I always CRAVE for oats.

I also keep thinking that I should have something different for lunch, but there are certain things I just always like to have, it is difficult to come up with something else. Besides the stores near my home don't really stand out with their ready meal selections, so it is just easier to always pick similar items.

Also lately I have made a little change - I have made my lunches much bigger. This has always been the time I eat the least, but now when I have a vacation and I am at home, I always make proper filling lunches. And this causes a lot of anxiety. I just keep thinkin that now I shouldn't have too much food in the evenings, as my lunch was bigger. But in the evenings I am still super hungry and eat a lot, which means I consume a lot more calories than I used to. No wonder my weight keeps going up.

What are my regular meals then in the menu? For example Caesar salad with salmon, sweet potato with beans, cottage cheese salad with omelette, boiled potatoes with herring and cottage cheese, all kinds of rice bowls etc. And like, I don't know, I feel a bit sad that I don't try out new things more, but at the same time I really do like what I eat. And I still feel like not having the same kind of things several days in a row.

Lately I have also had dnner way later than seven. Usually at this time I am still at the gym and then I eat around 8-9. And I ALWAYS have snacks or dessert as well. Can't go without them. I could be really full after dinner, but I still need to snack on something, or my day is not finished properly. It is so nice to chew on something while watching YouTube videos or TV.

Now that my vacation has sterted, my own rhytm is totally different. I can make proper food for lunch. My dinners are different, for example today my best friend is coming over and I promised to make some Chinese food and naan bread for her. Then tomorrow I am going to Viljandi and will eat with the family. Again, I am so used to my own things and it is kind of difficult to act out of the ordinary. But it is not the end of the world, I want to get into this normality, where I wouldn't stress about things like this.

I have also thought about gettinf a meal plan, maybe it would give me more inspiration on what to do. But at the same time I know that considering my obsessiveness, if there would be something out of the plan, it would cause a lot of stress. So I don't know, I don't think it is the best idea. :D

Lately I have also been going to the gym a lot. My muscles are a bit sore today, but not too bad. I divided my days a little, so on one day I work on my upper body, on another day I work on the lower body etc. And on some days I run or do more cardio. I don't know, I really quite like this. I am still waiting for the motivation to go and run outside, haven't really felt like it so far. At the gym it is no problem to run on the treadmil though, I did quite a long distance yesterday.

Anyway yes, my vacation's first week is fully booked, on the second week I only have one plan as of right now. But again, there are quite a lot to do in August in general. I like planning a lot, but when something actually comes up, I start to think that I can't be bothered and don't want to do it. I need to force myself, I know I have to.

Motu just came to sleep on my lap and it is very difficult to write like this, haha. :D But he is so sweet, I don't have the heart to make him go away. Animals are amazing. Like, when I am feeling really shitty and my mood is in the gutter, I think that I need to deal with things, because who is going to feed him, if I don't. :D And I always think that okay, I have spent quite a lot of money, I should save some... and then I go to the store and get him the most expensive wet food, because I like to spoil him. :D

Also with eating, there is this problem that I sometimes have my daily meals set out. Like what is for lunch and what's for dinner. And then on one day I had this huge crisis, because I didn't go to the gym, but I had planned to have a bigger dinner. But my health was kind of weird and I didn't go, which caused me to feel that I need to make something else for dinner. I know it makes no sense, but that is what happens in my head. It kind of threw me off.

I talked to my friend about it and she made me have the food I had planned and it was good to beat this silly voice in my head.

But yeah, saving all the calories for the evening really makes me upset. A lot of influencers and gym people also keep talking that they save everything for the evening and it is stuck in my head.

Also, I read this book called "My shitty therapist" and there were quite a lot of other people's stories. And I thought it would me nice to share your's. So if you would like me to post about your story, please write to me via signe.kerge@gmail.com, write a comment or contact me aon Instagram. I can share it all anonymously, no problem. And your story can be about everything, you can tell me how you got a dog or something. :D Just... I have so many nice readers here and I would like to share things about you as well.

The book itself was quite okay, written with some good humor. Though it was very UK based, so it wasn't really that relatable for me. But it was a good read nevertheless. It was a nice fast read, you can just go through few pages every day or something.

Also I wanted to ask if you have ever tried a meal plan? What kind of foods do you make often? Do you feel like you are... missing out, because you have too many same things? These are the emotions I get a lot recently.

But yes. Today it is that kind of short post. I hope to write something on Friday as well, but if I don't then you should know that I am fine and I am just trying to rest. :)

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