First month after the hospital was difficult. There were a lot of ups and downs and guilt. But a lot of motivation, want to do something and meet people. I will try to make a list of negative things and end with positive ones.

Negatives

- I lost some weight at first.
- I kept comparing meals to other's, like my sister's.
- I got stuck in my own rhythm again; meaning food times are always set and if I can't keep at those, I am upset.
- I still felt like I didn't care about anything.
- My mood was based on my weight again, meaning if it remained the same or went down, I felt happier, even though the goal is to gain weight.
- Guilt when I had too much food at Christmas parties.
- A lot of worrying about things to come and need to restrict my food intake before events.

Positives

- I am motivated to meet people, talk and do something.
- I (re)discovered knitting.
- I have gained some weight, even though slowly.
- I have tried a lot of new and interesting snacks.
- I feel more energetic and instead of just laying down, I want to get up and do things.
- I have a lot of energy to move around, run, work out.
- I can cook my own food and try out new recipes.

Seems there is equal amount of things... :D I guess I remember some more as soon as I publish this, but well, it is what it is. I guess it is kind of like Murphy's law. Anyway, I am looking forward to 2020 to see how I will do. My short-term goal is to go and run 7 km in May in some competition! Anyone else?



Also I thought I'd give away a pair of green and grey (Slytherin) socks. So if you would like this, just recommend me something. It may be a challenge, snack, tea, book, podcast or anything you can come up with.