Went to Tartu to see the nurse from eating disorder facility and my psychologist. Morning's weigh in was good, 43,1 kgs, meaning I have gained some weight back and I am almost where I was when I was discharged. Now I have to keep this up. (At the hospital it was 44,2, but I had eaten before. :D)

Anyway, they were pleased with me. And I have mure hope that maybe I don't have to go back in January, if I keep doing this. I think at one point I will contact my doctor and talk about it. I know that they cannot force me to go, but some part of me tells me it is necessary... at the same time I feel like I can handle it at home and I don't need to go. Need to keep my fingers and toes crossed.

I have to mark down what I eat. I at first started writing it down, but gave up at one point. And then I didn't remember what I had anymore. I think I will do it in my blog like at the hospital. It keeps me accountable more. I know my portions aren't maybe as big as at the hospital and my snacks are smaller as well... I am trying to change it. Hopefully it will be successful - as you can see, from Thursday to Monday I gained weight. :D

I still wish that I just woke up in a normal body and that I could go to the gym or something. I have been feeling so lost and awful recently. One of the things that would help would be working out. I have been thinking of starting working out, but most people say it is not a good idea at the moment and I need to really get well first. But at the same time I have more energy already so why don't I...? I would just eat more and that's that. I would work out because I like it, not that I could eat. I know how things are supposed to be now.

After my appointment I met up with my relative and we went to a cafe. I talked to my psychologist that I need to break my routine around eating and eating times. One of the goals was to eat out more, to give the control away. So I started right away and picked vegetable and sundried tomato quiche with fresh salad and sauce. It was a bit scary, as always, but I got over it. It was good! And it was really nice to just chat and remember old times and tell each other what has happened recently. :D I really like this eating out thing. Today I am going to Japanese cafe with some friends and chill with them.



So in general I did well, my weight is okay and things are looking up. I hope this will continue like this and soon I can do what I want to. I feel hopeful (please, hope, don't leave me again).