I Won't Quote

I was the first one this time as well. It is still weird when they attach the metal plates to my forehead and behind my left ear. But honestly - it is doing something and helping somehow. They explained a little more - the electric impulse balances sides of the brain and thanks to this is helps with depression (as well as with other mental problems). This time I felt the weird numbness in my hand again when they put me under anesthesia, but also it seems like each time it takes me longer to fall asleep. Just by few seconds, but still.

Also, despite the procedure lasting maximum 20 minutes, I feel as if I slept for hours.

About my memory - this time I remembered everything, almost. I just couldn't remind myself the day or date. The other girl getting ECT freaked out and got really panicky - she had no idea why or where she was, she didn't even remember being at psychatric hospital and kept asking why she was there.

For me, this was third time and currently they want to do it 6 times. So next one is on Friday and then again on Monday and Wednesday. Unless they decide I need more than six sessions; I believe maximum they do is 10 times.

I hope that for me 6 is enough. Maybe I can also stay at home and only come in for the procedure. I would gladly pay for taxi, if no one can take me to hospital; I just really want to go home and get to my own things!

Today I don't have this strange empty and light feeling as I did last time. I don't know if it is better or worse. I mean, I am just regular me, maybe I only have little more space for my thoughts somehow - for example I am not thinking too much about food or other worrying things.

Only side efect today was headache, but luckily I got a painkiller and some food soon enough. They even took my cannula out today, which will be put back on Friday. I learned quite an interesting thing - without using, cannula can be in your vein for 72 hours only. Random, but interesting.

I will try and write out my eating disorder story as well, then. It seemed like some of you are interested. Maybe I can also add my food diary, could be interesting (and shocking for people not from Estonia, as Estonian hospital food is well.. really what you cannot imagine, I think).

If anyone has any other questions about Estonian psychiatric hospital, feel free to ask. I would love to write about anything related to it. You can contact me via e-mail (signe.kerge@gmail.com), Facebook (Signe Kerge) or just write a comment under this post.

I am honestly amazed due to the fact people seem to be actually interested in reading about my treatment and stuff, But I think this is good as well - I decided on my dentist thanks to some girl blogging about her braces experience and it could be that one day this helps someone else as well. It is interesting and growing practice and more people should be aware of it. And I am glad to be here and have this done to me; the doctor here is known all around the world and I believe I am in good hands.

Talk to you soon!