Actually I didn't even plan on doing this challenge, but then I thought that yesterday (on Sunday) I drank so much water that it was definitely at least 2 l. And then on Monday at work I also started strong, so it seemed that the five day challenge (at least) was go.

Sunday

I was in Tartu visiting my relative and it was so hot all the time and we drank a lot of... water. And also she didn't have any sodas at home that I would have liked to have. And honestly after a long period of time I felt thirsty. And for water.

When I got up in the morning I had several glasses of water, I also took a drinking bottle to the bus with me and at home I also sipped on carbonated water. And like... at one point I craved for a soda, but it... passed? Like, last time I had some Coke, it was on Thursday (I also did have a small Pepsi Max on Saturday), it kind of made me feel awful. It suddenly tasted disgusting.

When I went to a store and saw Monster energy drinks was on sale, I had already put one in the basket for myself, but at the last moment I took it back. For a period of time, about two weeks, I had an energy drink every day and I got really bad stomach cramps. Then from Thursday onwards I haven't bought them anymore. I still have had like 1,5 liters of coke on Thursday, but then I had a little break. On Friday I had some Fanta and then on Saturday this small Pepsi, but that was it.

And I felt a lot better yesterday. I didn't have this heavy feeling in my stomach. Also I had a ton of vegetables with dip and like 2 kilos of watermelon so I was full of water anyway, yet I knew that if I had some soda, I would still drink it and then feel extra awful later.

Monday

I just went to the store to get some lunch and I automatically stopped at the soft drinks. I wanted Fanta or Sprite really badly. But it didn't seem so good suddenly. Or well, it did, but I didn't feel like I absolutely needed it.

In the morning I had a glass of water with some syrup, I always do it when I take my meds, but at work I have already had 750 ml bottle of carbonated water. It is good to do that, we have a carbonated water dispenser at the office. And I have a really nice glass waterbottle at work. I got a new one from my relative and took this one to the office with me. 

I haven't really felt thirsdy today, but I have been sipping on water. And it is good. I don't know, I think I am finally over soda. And this sugar free thing. I am not saying that I will never drink sodas again, of course I will, but I will try not to have 1,5 l obttle every single day.

And even though carbonated soft drinks are sweet and kind of more filling, they actually make me more hungry. It is probably due to the fact they have a lot of sweeteners in and your organism thinks that it will get some calories. And when it doesn't, it gets confused, because it has already prepared. I think I read it from somewhere, but I am too lazy to look it up right now. You can just Google it.

Anyway yes, even though it is only my second soda free water drinking day, I am quite excited. :D I really needed this new beginning and Tartu was really good to me.

Today I have already had three coffees and I think I will make a cup of tea soon, but I don't count them into my water intake. I will set 2 l as a goal for pure water. It may be carbonated though. :D Becase like, water is water, but in black tea (that I usually have) there is coffeine and it takes water out of your body, so yeah, this is where the logic comes from. :D

I hope I will be able to have two liters today, but considering it is only one pm and I am already halfway, it doesn't seem that difficult. And if I want to have more water, I will have more water. And if I don't manage to have 2 l, I won't. I will just follow how I feel.

Last half a cup was a bit difficult to be honest, but I still managed. Later I also had another cup of tea - we had apartment complex meeting and it took a long time and I got cold sitting outside, so this was perfect to finish the day.

Tuesday

I wanted to start the morning with a glass of water, but I just don't feel thirsty when I wake up. So before I got to the water, I had already had three cups of coffee. :D But at least I am here now. At the moment it is 9:30 and I just started with my first 750 ml bottle of water. But I think I will easily manage two today, it is getting easier by the day.

Yesterday I actually really wanted to have soda. At home when I was sitting and watching TV, I thought I would kill for Fanta or something. Also I am convinced that the Coke I have been drinking also gave me energy, because I have just been really sleepy recently. I would really like an energy drink or something. But no. Maybe after this challenge I will let myself have a soda or energy drink once per week, but I don't really want this addiction to continue.

When I am drinking water, I constantly feel really bloated and full and have to go to the bathroom a lot, it is pretty annoying. xD But well, I am getting used to it, I am sure, and it will be fine. I know a lot of people who have done this kind of challenge and they have kept drinking just as much water for a year or more and they say that they will never go back to not drinking water. :D Maybe I will be the same, we shall see.

Today drinking water isn't going that well, it is already 12:30 and I have only had half of the first bottle. :D

And it was really difficult in the end. For dinner I made a huge bowl of pasta with carrots and eggplant and I had hald of liter of yoghurt with berries and cereal and I really couldn't get the water down. :D But I did have it in the end, even though I had to use the bathroom many times at night.

Wednesday

I don't really crave for a soda, but at the same time I DO want some. I miss sweet taste. Every time I sip some water, I feel like something is missing. Also I need to start drinking regular water instead of carbonated soon, because I went to see the dentist today and I will get the invisalign things tomorrow (kind of like see through moulds that I need to wear) and during this I can only have regular water. :(

And I have to wear them 24/7, except for eating and brushing my teeth for the first three months! So it will be difficult, at least it has been a good preparation. :D It really sucks that I have a lot of coffee and tea usually and I need to take them out each time I make a cup.

Honestly, I don't really want to complain, because I am really happy with my teeth journey. The result is so worth it. And I want to keep my teeth straight. Also it was so weird at the dentist, for the moulds, they scanned my teeth with 3D pencil. It used to be that they manually take moulds, but now they just used a pen that they moved around in my mouth. It was kind of like in a futuristic mobie or something. :D But it was much more comfortable than taking the moulds. Then they also took some photos of me and had me smile etc, I felt like a true model!

It is almost 11 right now and I have had 3 sips of water. But also one glass of juice and I am on my third cup of coffee. So at least I have had some liquids.

My weight had gone up a lot today morning, and I really upset me. Even though I know I overate last night etc. Oh well. I guess I need to get used to it.

But honestly thinking back to my Tartu trip I feel really positive. Or like, yeah, yesterday was a difficult day for example, but it was nice to remember Tartu and I made myself go back there in my mind, thinking that see, normailty is possible. It did help a little. Tomorrow I also have my psychologist appointment and I feel like this will be the first meeting I won't be bawling my eyes out, haha. :D

Also it is my sixth day of not working out. Yesterday I felt SUPER guilty because of it, but I didn't go to the gym, I just didn't have the time. In the evening I did think that damn, I should have, but nah. It is not mandatory and I have this compensation from work for my gym membership so it doesn't matter if I don't go to the gym for a week or something. Actually I would like to go today, but I know I won't have the time for it. But tomorrow I think I finally will be able to go. :D It is kind of good that I literally can't go. Because at one point it did start to become obsessive once more. Exactly like yesterday for the whole day I tried to talk myself out of making pasta - it seemed so scary, because I hadn't had it for a long time. And the portion was huge, I could have just made carrot-eggplant stew with cheese, but then I thought that NO,I WANT pasta. Weird how this is so low on my fear foods table, it used to be one of the scaries things. :D At the moment the first place is shared by rice and quinoa and such things, then it is vegan meat alternatives, then breads, then pasta and noodles and on fifth place there are potatoes. But honestly, I think I am really scared of only rice and quinoa and vegan meat. :D I don't even know why (or okay, I do, I just checked some vegan meat nutritional information).

Anyway yes. I wanted to talk about drinking water, but it is just so me - I start to write about everything else, hehe. :D

Again the last half a liter was difficult. But at the same time I also had a lot of food again in the evening and I was really bloated. I surprisingly still felt thirsty so I finished the day with a glass of water. It was really weird without soda, I am always used to having a bottle after dinner and snacks. :D It is weird to sit without it, hahaha. :D

Thursday

It is last day of this challenge and let's see how it goes then. At the moment it is 10:30 am and I have taken two sips of water. I also need to leave work earlier today in order to see my psychologist, so I need to try and drink more. :D I know I won't do so well at home.

But also I would really like to go to the gym today after 7 days and I would be having water there for sure.

Recently I have this stupid habit of only drinking coffee with chocolate milk. I will try to go for normal milk again now. But it is difficult. :D Like last night at around 8 pm I made some decaf coffee with chocolate milk and caramel syrup for myself, hahaha. :D

Also my weight had really gone up today morning. I am going for the middle of my normal weight range and it is scary. On Friday after work I will meet my friend and we said we would go and have some awesome flavoured coffees and my first thought was okay, I will go and see my doctor in the middle of the day so I "don't have time to have lunch". But no, I can't do that. Especially if I want to go to the gym today as well. I think this is how normal behaviour should be.

I am kind of afraid of Midsummer day next week... but oh well, what can I do. I will try and be more reasonable for the rest of the summer then. Overeating once or twice in a week seems to be my norm. I just wish my weight stopped going up already, but if I want this, I need to start restricting, but I don't want to do this and it is all so complicated. I just...

Today I also made a mistake of reading about people with EDs online and there were a lot of pictures and it made me so emotional. I mean, I look well now, but I kind of want to go back to where I was with my body. I feel like if I was really underweight, my eating would be more justified etc. :S

Okay, today drinking water has not gone very well and I need to leave work in a bit. I will try to drink some though, because I refuse to give up. Ah, what I have also discovered after I started having a lot of water - I feel constipated. :D :D :D I don't know, why, but I feel disgusting. In reality it should be the other way around...

Friday

I managed to have enough water yesterday, because I had a lot at the gym. :D And in the evening I also downed a glass before going to bed, because I just felt thirsty. Even though I had just finished off a lot of watermelon, but well, it is me with my black hole of a stomach.

Today I am already thinking that oh, I completed the challenge, I should have a soda. :D Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I feel like I could have something to celebrate Friday.

I didn't see much of a change in my five days of doing this challenge. My skin didn't get better, my stomach is still bloated a lot and my apetite seemed even higher than it was when I had sodas.

I cried a lot at my psychologist's. :D I don't know, how this is possible. She just asks the "right" things, like when she sees that something is bothering me and is stuck in my head and I try to lie/not say something/come up with something, she doesn't stop before she gets the bottom of it. And usually it comes with crying.

Yesterday she told me that in people, there are different characters - for example a critic, angry child, vulnerable child, happy child etc. And then my vulerable child came out of me and I just cried and cried. But it felt so good later.

After this I went to see my dentist and I got the moulds. Oh my god they are so uncomfy and I thought I will never be able to sleep with them, but I managed. At the moment I got to work a bit earlier and I just made coffee, I am looking at the moulds now and I think that they are like 1. fake teeth or 2. lenses for your teeth. Anyway they are really annoying. I just rediscovered gum and now later when I meet my friend I need to take the moulds out if I want to have coffee and then later put them back and argh. But well, doing this for my teeth!

My weight isn't going down at all. I don't really want it to go. But every morning when I step on the scale I still hope that it does. Yeah, still can't let it go.

But I have walked a lot less, this is new progress.

Also, a funny story. I went to the gym yesterday, right, and did something with dumbbells (because like, there were too many people and I felt too awkward to use the machines) and then two guys were talking about training different mucles. And then one of them said that they should run up the mountain (mäkkejooksu tegema) and I don't know what came over me, I just couldn't not say anything. So I said that when he said run up a mountain (mäkkejooksu), I thought you said run into McDonalds (mäkki jooksu). Then we all laughed and thought that it would be a great motivator and maybe we should aim for a McDonalds that is far away. They seemed like my kind of people, but it was pretty #awkward, now that I think about it.