This month I have tried so few vegan things. It is sad, but oh well.

I thought that I am not writing just random things here, but I want to tell something. Like, with eating, things are still difficult. When somethin is not perfect, I feel sooooo much like I am "wasting calories" and I can't handle it. Like for example last night I made something fast to eat, because I got home super late. And it was my curd cream-berries-cereal bowl. Because I have like half a kilo at once, right. Well, anywayyyy, in this berry mix there were blackcurrants and they were too sour and I was thinking that I don't like it at all and ate it super fast for that reason. And also after this I had some grapes and ice cream. And like, last night it was fine, I did feel a bit guilty about eating so fast and so late, but it was bearable.

And then today morning it started - thoughts of "I shouldn't have eaten it", I could have made something else, I could have only had snacks, I should have restricted a bit, you didn't like it anyway, you just scoffed it down, it was pointless, you didn't enjoy the process of eathing etc etc. And I am mad at myself. I thought that okay, I'll use this technic where I let myself feel bad for a bit, but whatever I do, this emotion doesn't leave me. And writing this down here is somehow reassuring. Like... at least someone else knows now. I feel like I need to justify myself. I thought I was over these kind of things, but apparently not.

Also my weight plays a role here, because it is higher than never before, but yes. I just would like to cry a bit at that, honestly. :D But I don't feel like crying, I can't push the tears out, I am just upset. Maybe this is something I need to talk to my psychologist about - how to get over this emotion.

Everything is okay. I was hungry, that is why I ate fast. Food doesn't need to be perfect. But I STILL feel like I wasted it. I guess I will feel this way today, hopefully it will pass by tomorrow. I just want to get over it, I don't know, it is so difficult to sit with these thoughts. I can't focus on anything really.

Anyway, now that this is off my chest, I can turn to the vegan products I tried last month. As I said, there are only a few, but I hope it is still interesting.

Hakitud soja tomatikastmes (Soy mince in tomato sauce)

I have never used this before, but now my parents and grandma came to visit us and it was my task to make dinner. I made some boiled potatoes and minced soy dish, I added some more tomato paste, mushrooms, onion, garlic, salt, pepper, and paprica. Everyone really enjoyed it and didn't believe it was vegan etc. :D Anyway, this was really positive surprise and I keep thinking I should make more foods like this! 10/10

Tooršokolaad guaranaga (Raw chocolate with guarana)

This I got a while ago from vegan subscription box, but honestly... I didn't like it. And usually I am a huge fan of dark chocolate. I shared it with people, with friends etc and they had it, but no one said it was good. Maybe other Stay Young chocolates are better, but this was a big disappointment. 3/10.

Naturli jäätis vaarikaga (Naturli ice cream with raspberries)

I loved that it was soft enough - it didn't need to thaw out of the freezer, I could just have it right away. But at the same time... it was nothing special. But well, I know that I don't like fruity ice creams that much. I should try their chocolate one. But this, I wouldn't get it again. 5/10.

Beyond meat burger (Beyond Meat burger)

I finally tried it at the restaurant in a burger and it was just AMAZING. It was exactly like meat, I showed it to my relative like ten times, asking if this looked vegan to her. :D It really probablt helped that it was in a burger with other things like onion jam and stuff, but I highly recommend it. Probably my favourite vegan meat alternative! 10/10.

Vegan Gourmet klassikalises marinaadis sojašašlõkk (Vegan Gourmet shaslik in classic marinade)

Eeerm about this I am really thinking about buying several kilos and freeze it. And then have it all year around, because it is just SO GOOD. It was really nicely marinated with vinegar, it had enough salt and it didn't dry out while being barbequed. It was awesome, another favourite product! 10/10. Next time I will try the spicy BBQ marinade one. I also had one other company's vegan shashlik, but there were too little people and we didn't prepare it.

Nemoloko kaerajook matcha teega (Nemoloko oat milk with matcha tea)

I have tried it once a long time ago, when I made this popular dalgona coffee, and it worked well. But just this, I didn't really like. Even though I have a weird relationship with matcha anyway, in some things I loved it, but on other occasions I don't. Anyway, I will bot be buying this again. 2/10.

Kalevi tume šokolaadi kirsi-tšilliga (Dark chocolate with cherries and chilli)

I think it is fully vegan, don't hit me when I am wrong. Anyway this I liked, though it had too little chilli, it could use some more. But I have bought it several times, because it is really good! And even though I am not a fruity chocolate fan mostly, this hits the spot. 7/10.