I Won't Quote

As I moved to my own flat, I decided to celebrate it with a very few people. And I also wanted to do it in a vegan way, meaning I didn't have anything on the table that would have been not vegan.

Or a story about how I gained three kilograms in 24 hours. Overeating is the key.

A long time before the party I had planned to make pizza, chocolate cake and cookies, sushi and have some crisps, popcorn, fruit and vegetables with hummus.

On pizza I had paprica, mushrooms, corn, tomato paste and vegan cheese. It was really difficult to find the last ingredient. I went to several stores but no one had it. Finally I did find it though, so that was good. :D Before putting it on a pizza I tried it and smelled it and it seemed like the real thing! At first I was planning to make some other kind of savoury pastries and muffins, but I changed my mind and made pizza instead. Vegan pizzas are always good and they are really simple to make.

I made sushi with cucumber, avocado and paprica. I really like avocado sushi rolls! Many times I am meeting with my friends we get a takeaway sushi and everyone have really liked it. So I wanted to make it myself too.

Of course I had prepared some pickled ginger, because no proper sushi should be eaten without it. :D I really don't understand people wgo don't dip their sushi in soy sauce or don't have ginger! I always have the extra ginger after eating sushi as well, because I just love it so much. I am addicted. :D

Vegetables with hummus was also elementary. Usually I would have offered them with some kind of dip, but I didn't find vegan dip and my love for hummus has grown a lot recently.

From crisps I had some kind of Korean BBQ flavoured oat crisps, then I wanted to try some vegan bacon crisps and I also offered some BBQ tortilla crisps as well. I also got some butter popcorn, which actually didn't have butter in it. :D 

Cookies recipe I found from instagram and they came out really amazing. The chocolate cake I had tried on my coworkers and they liked it. It was good that I tried to make the same thing before - it was a bit dry and I cooked it a little less this time.

From fruits I had grapes, melon, clementines and apples. Nice and easy. I thought for a while if I should make a fruit salad or just lay them on the plate and decided on the last one. :D Anyone can mix them together.

I was surprised at how many savoury snacks I had. I would have liked some more vegan cheese, but I couldn't find the Sheese company ones, with caramellised onion.

Anyway, I do think I had enough things.

I was a bit stressed because on the next day my sister's friend had a birthday party and I was also invited. And we had sushi. It is difficult for me to have a big meal several days in a row. So this was a challenge. But I managed and I think that all in all I did well.

Now I am feeling a bit aweful, but I am trying to manage. Soon it is Christmas and eating continues. Today morning I really wanted to skip the breakfast and now have anything for lunch either, because my weight had gone up by so much and I had had too much food. But at the same time I did feel a bit hungry so I had porridge. I will see how I am feeling during the day, but I will try and have a proper meal. I have understood that I am more likely to overeat when I restrict beforehand. If I eat properly all the time, maybe it won't happen? Anyway, I thought that is is new week and new beginnings and I will try to be mindful and better.

Also I don't know what to think about this overeating. I am not eating unhealthy stuff, it is just the amount of food I am having. And I just don't get rid of the food in my system really fast. Anyway, I don't know. I will try and balance stuff out more.

It is difficult to talk about this topic, if I am completely honest. I had my psychologist appointment on Friday and I told her stuff, but she didn't really offer anything back. I mean, she is not a professional in this area, but I noticed she wrote down quite a bit when I talked about it. So I can only guess she was a bit worried by what I said. It also causes some panic for myself. I need to repeat though, that even though the weight has gone up, I don't feel as guilty as I used to. Like, it is just that kind of time. December always has a lot of food and things will normalize soon.

I haven't really talked about body checking, but this is really common thing in eating disorder recovery. Anyway, lately there have been so many changes in my body and I keep noticing it. I have several mirrors in my bedroom and whenever I change clothes, I can see that I have gotten bigger. At the same time I know I still need to gain like 8 kilos, to be of normal weight, and I shouldn't worry at all. But it is easier said than done.

Anyway, I think I feel some relief after writing this down here. It has been really tough to write this post - I have so many things going around in my head. I feel like some people who are reading this don't really understand how awful this situation is. But oh well. I don't know how to express myself better. Anyway, I feel really anxious all the time recently and this recovery thing gets bigger and scaried by day. I get these weird anxiety shakes again. It means my body turns really cold and then really hot and it feels awful. I feel so uncomfortable and I feel sick and my head starts to spin a lot. At some point I got rid of it, but it was when my weight was super low. I didn't have any emotions then, including anxiety. Now things are starting to come back and I feel super restless and awful.

Sometimes I think that I wish I could cry a little, maybe I would feel better then. But there just aren't any tears. Last weekend I had some sort of a breakdown and I did cry. It was not nice, but I felt somehow really human then. At the moment I just feel really... dry. :D Like a twisted towel or something, I don't really know what is dry haha :D

I did think that maybe I should blog about what I eat in a week and mark down emotions as well. Maybe I would get a better control like this? I don't know, maybe I will write stuff down just for myself. Maybe I can guide myself better like this. At the moment I have had a proper breakfast and I feel really full again, it is uncomfortable. But I guess it is because I still haven't digested all of the sushi I had. ARGH, this topic and worry just really upsets me. I wish I could see my psychologist again, but in Tartu, because they know more about eating disorders and it would be nice to hear what they tell me.

I don't know. I just don't know. It is difficult. Both mentally and physically.

It is cool that I asked my mum if I can make mushroom Wellington to take to my Grandma's for Christmas. I found a really nice recipe on this one Estonian site. And she said that of course. It seems really tasty and I am really excited. It didn't seem that complicated and does look very tasty. But I will leave thyme out, because I just really hate it. :D

I will warn you that now on 25th I am not going to post. Because holidays and all that. I will later of course cover everything I missed and will tell you how I felt and am feeling. But yeah. I will have a complete day off. :D Even though I really like blogging and it is easy to do... maybe there will be a post. :D But don't worry, if there isn't going to be one.

I am glad that people actually came to my small celebration. It was nice. At first I was quite stressed, worrying over if people had enough things to talk about and maybe it will be boring and uncomfortable. But it was really nice. I will try and focus on this aspect.

I will have another small gathering in the beginning of next year, because I didn't want to have too many people over at once. I think I would like to play some table games and just chat. I feel like I could use that kind of an evening during these dark times. Also, my friends have a lot of cool games.

In connection with this, do you have any games you recommend? My favourite is probably Dixit, but I also like the kind of games that help you get to know people better. At the same time I absolutely hate card games and I usually just watch them when others are playing. :D I do like strategy games, vut it usually takes a long time to understand those.

Finally, here is a picture of mister Motu, who was really a baby on the next day from meeting the friends, even though he got a lot of attention from everyone. Anyway, he has been really sweet and I wonder if he knows I am having hard time? Whenever I sit down on the sofa he comes to me and rubs his cheek against mine, as if to say "hey Signe, don't worry, you have me. Whatever comes, comes". My sweet little baby.

It was so weird to go to my sister's place yesterday, becayse there was no Motu. :D Now it would be cool if you could clone a cat - he is worth it. My sister also said it was difficult for her to leave my place. And it was difficult for me yesterday.

But there are some exciting things coming for her as well, as she has finally found a flat and is probably going to move in the beginning of January. And what is the best - her flat is 15 minute walk away from mine! So it won't be trouble visiting each other.

Anyway, if this is my last post before next Monday and after Christmas you won't hear about me, happy holidays! I hope that despite everything the holidays will be nice and sweet and awesome and I hope you can still spend some time with friends and relatives. I am planning to go home to my parents and visit Grandma, but I am being careful and watching my health. Me and my family are trying to do everyting as normally as we can.

Happy Christmas!

I have been thinking what I would like my first evening in my OWN FLAT to be. It has been in my mind for years and I have hoped that this time comes. And it did. It is now.

Actually right now (on Sunday evening) it is not my first evening here, but kind of is. Yesterday my parents were in Tallinn and just left around 9pm, because we had so much to do. But now, coming back to today.

I would like to have pizza. The proper takeaway one. And have some sparkling wine. Talk to someone, sit on the floor on the carpet and just be, listen to the music (for example right now Christmas songs are playing) and endoy the peace that comes with YOUR OWN HOME.

And this is what my roday is like. I am waiting for a mate and I have sparkling wine in the fridge. I have ordered two vegan pizzas and... I am smiling. I just discovered this. :D I have been super stressed out about  the pizza all day and I even wrote to my friend, asking if we are really going to order it (they said that if it is too difficult, we don't have to) but... as we can see, we are doing it. :D And I am smiling and looking at my small Christmas tree and at my big TV and I am thinking I am going to lit a candle soon.

Basically yesterday and moving day was SUPER difficult. My parents were supposed to come by 9 am and we had to take stuff downstares by this time already (moving from fifth floor to fifth floor is NOT FUN BTW). And then we had half of the bags and boxes downstairs, when my mum wrote that something is broken in the car. And that we cancel the moving. They were literally 30 kms away from Tallinn. My heart dropped and I felt like crying. We started to carry all the stuff back upstairs. And I thought that okay, I will take some things and still go to the new place, because I didn't want to waste the whole day. I looked at the bus times and got my things together and was about to go when my mum wrote, saying the car was fixed and they are coming. We just had to take the stuff downstairs AGAIN. I couldn't believe it!!!

With this, I would also like to say a big thank you to my friends who IMMEDIATELY contacted me and offered help. I cried a little and sent you some hearts. I felt a lot better.

Anyway, we still had to carry all the stuff. And it really felt like it will never be done. There were so many bags and boxes and I just have too much stuff! My home cleaning challenge was a big fat fail. :D In the end I just threw everything into bags and boxes. Honestly, moving is not as pretty and glamorous as movies make it out to seem! It's a trick!

We finally managed to get most of the things downstairs when my parents arrived. My dad started to load up the car and me, sister and mum carried rest of the things down as well. It took a loooong time.

Then we rested for a bit, made some coffee and headed to my new flat! I was really anxious, thinking that maybe my parents' don't like my new place, but they were really happy with my decision. It felt so good! As soon as we managed to get stuff upstairs (now it is Monday and my muscles are so sore. :D) we moved on and went to some furniture stores, because I had a goal to get a sofa. But it seemed to be impossible.

We went to several places, in one I already picked stuff out, but then something happened and we didn't get the things. Then we went to have some lunch and I had wrap with vegan kebab and it was AMAZING, honestly! Then after this we went to IKEA for a moment and then headed to Rug. And there I found the love of my life!

We picked a sofa out and at first it seemed that the corner is on the wrong side, but it could be changed! We had to drive to pick it up from the warehouse and they were already closed but someone was still there and waited for us, yay! :D It felt soooo good. Also got a TV and vacuum cleaner. Then we went back to my place, my parents started to carry the sofa upstairs and me and my sister went to buy food and other things.

We finally had some dinner, my parents set the sofa up and I did some unpacking. And then finally I spent my evening in the flat alone and just enjoyed being there, silence... I turned the TV on thought and it felt not so lonely. It was so nice.

And then it was Sunday. During the day I went to some stores with my best friend, got some things for the flat and stuff. Then I went home, went to see another flat with my sister and we are finally back to my pizza night challenge.

It was nice. Fantastic. Exactly how I imagined it to be. :D I got my pizza, I got my prosecco, I got my company. The TV was playing, we sort of watched it. Just enjoyed being. Went to see all the rooms several times. :D It was just so nice, sitting and talking. And then my friend was like, hey, can we see all the rooms one more time. It felt so nice. Like, someone is just as excited for me as I am?!

Anyway yes. Now on Monday morning while writing this I am thinking that all the calories were worth the perfect evening. And I don't know, I think I explained here how this flat seemed too good for me? Well, I am just genuinelt happy now!

I still need the new TV stand, I want a shelf and table. My dad is probably coming on Friday and then we can organize these things. :)

Also I will start with the new challenge. From the first of January I am trying to become full vegan, but starting from my move, I have decided not to buy any animal products at all. But if I go out or someone offers me something, I will still have milk and eggs. I will just generally try not to have them though. :D We shall see how it goes. Like yesterday it was 100% vegan day and I didn't feel like missing out at all, it was really cool.

So these are the recent stories from my. I am so excited. My weight had gone up, but I almost forgot it right away to be honest. :D

But anyway, time to have some fresh pastries and coffee at work!

Another time I had lunch outside this weekend and this time we went to a restaurant called ÜLO. I have been wanting to go there for ages. Now in past few weeks this is third time eating out. It was a bit stressful, not gonna lie, but it was less so than past times. This is becoming normal and nothing to be scared of it seems.

Atmosphere

The restaurant itself is really nice. Quiet. There were a few other tables vesides us, but not too many. At the same time you couldn't hear what other people were talking about, so that is a plus. I don't really like places that are echo-y and it is difficult to talk.

Interior was nice and pretty. It really fit into the area it is located at. It was more important to eat and chat with my companion, so I can't really talk too much about the atmosphere. :D

Service

Again - really nice. It was fast and considering. Menus were brought to the table right away and the girl came and took our order soon eough.

Near us a lady dropped her wine glass and it was dealt with really fast and without any hassle. So this is a huge plus. :D The food came fast again. For example when we went to Commune Cafe, it had a lot of customers and we had to wait for quite a long time to be honest. But they warned us, so it was fine. :D Anyway, I really liked ÜLO.

Food

For the food we picked mushroom tacos and also sweet potato fries with kimchi.

Taco was amazing. Really good mix of tastes. Well, it wasn't too pretty to eat, but it is like that with tacos. :D Anyway, the tortilla was soft, so it made it a bit easier. Would have been even more messy with a hard shell.

And kimchi fries were okay. It also had some mayo on top and it was really good. The kimchi itself was more like sauerkraut, it didn't seem to have the right seasoning. Quite similar to the ones they have at Burger Box (where we also thought about going, but we planned for ÜLO this time).

To conclude, I was really happy with the food and I want to go back for sure.

I also wanted to write about not going to the gym for a whole week. I really didn't plan it, and I would have loved to go, but there were so many other things I had to do. I am regretting it a bit, but not because oh now I couldn't burn calories, but because I have paid for the whole month and it is makes no sense to not go. :D

Monday was fine, because it was the beginning of the week and I didn't have time. Instead I went home, made nice meal for me and my sister and enjoyed the evening as good as I could. First day in like a week and a half where I didn't do anything with anyone and didn't have any plans. It was nice. :D Sometimes I need this MY-time a little. And I needed to rest. Resting is something I am not really good at and I need to practice it more.

On Tuesday I went to a friend's place and we talked and watched some TV. It was a nice calm evening. Ah, we also had some mulled wine, because I made this small "pick me up" gift for them, because their situation has been a bit difficult recently.

On Wednesday I went to another friend's place and it was soooo nice. At work I had a tough day and it really helped me. Also her kid is waiting for "aunty Singe" all the time, so I couldn't not go. :D I also went to Kristiine shopping center for a bit to get some gifts, because it is Christmas soon! It is already December, that is crazy!

On Thursday I went to a friend's place again and we watched ELF. I had never seen it! And it was quite good. Not my favourite, but a nice watch still. :D I do understand now why people like it and why it seems that every human being on the planet earth has seen it.

And on Friday I went to visit a friend again. :D Actually I had a plan to go to the gym, but because of the circumstances, I had home office and also saw my doctor. And as I had a plan to visit someone, I was too tired to go to the gym on that day. Also, when I went to the doctor's, I got to do some walking anyway.

Anyway, to sum up - I didn't gain a ton of weight. It didn't matter that I didn't work out at all. I understood that in fact I don't have to do it. By the end of the week my thought about needing to go to the gym had disappeared. And on Saturday, when I went to the yoga class, it was just to feel good mentally. And I wanted to go, there were no eating disorder driven reasons.

Now it is Monday and I am feeling okay. My weight went a bit up again, but it was because me and my sister had a whole 500 gram pack of pistachio nuts and they were salty. And we also had some mulled wine. All this salt and water and stuff probably just added up, it won't exit your system as fast as you may think. I have FINALLY realised this. :D

And I am not really bothered by it. Things are going as they need to go and sometimes you just need to enjoy life. Also, it was our last evening together like this for I don't know how long, because yesterday I got the keys to my own flat!

I went to look over the flat and get the keys on Sunday and it was sooooo weird. I sat on the bed and just looked at the livingroom and I don't understand that this is now mine. For a week I am still staying with my sister, because I don't want to carry everything home by hand, but today I am going there, as some technician guy is coming to set up the internet. I also thought I will wash the floors, so it would be done. The flat is clean, so that is good. I don't need to do much else.

Now I need some furniture. On Saturday I went to IKEA and Masku with a friend, but I still didn't find a sofa I like D:. I don't know what to do. I NEED it. For the flat I in general need quite a bit of stuff. Sofa, table, some kind of shelf, new cupboard for the bathroom, TV... and there are a lot of things probably still.

I am so happy people have offered help and said that they are coming to carry my stuff if necessary. Someone even offered to help me out with a car, if the things fit. We shall see how this goes. Anyway, I am excited. I thought about adding some pictures here, but I will do that once I have settled in. Also, I want to show how cool lights I have and omg omg omg I am sooo excited.

So... FINALLY!

In October I decided to challenge myself with doing something I don't want to or feel like doing every single day. Because enough of the apologies! It was time to deal with my life and do what needs to be done. Besides I hoped, and am still hoping, that this habit will stuck and I will complete stuff I need to do. A lot of the times it is about starting the task. I just don't feel like starting doing something, if it makes sense. :D When you start, though, the task becomes a lot easier.

A lot of the things were connected to buying a flat and I won't go too much into detail about it. Because like, privacy and all that. But anyway, on half of the days I had to call and talk to either my bank or the sales agent etc. I wrote stuff down more precisely for myself, and it was really nice to read things over and see how much I have done. :D At the same time some other things were super small and I don't even know if they are worth mentioning. But I just didn't feeeel like doing them at first. Let's go though my month now...

1. October - contacted the bank regarding yhe loan. I did it at the bus stop while I went to see the fourth flat. :D The one I decided to get was the fifth one I saw.
2. October - called to a sales agent regarding one place and agreed to go and see it on Sunday. It is actually the fifth flat alreadt - one I really liked was bought before I made an offer, but I guess it needed to go like this. I am still keeping my eye on one more, but the kitchen is really small there, so I don't know... but anyway, regarding the one I am going to see, I have high hopes. :D It doesn't have a bath (that was in my list), but I really like the flat and could probably deal with not having a bath.
3. October - I cleaned at home, which was really boring. But I had been putting it off for a while. Because I was just too lazy. :D Anywya, this is really elementary, but I still wanted to write something down for today.
4. October - went to see the flat. And honestly, I think I found the one. I fell in love and keep thinking about it. (Hint: yes, this will be my flat!!!)
5. October - wrote to the sales agent and contacted with the bank. It sounds so unreal! Some last minute things to do and maybe I will have my own home soon!
6. October - went to the dentist. The wire in my braces came off and I couldn't put it back myself. I thought that it would be okay and I can wait until my appointment, but it also broke off so I needed to go and see the dentist after all.
7. October - wrote to the sales agent and said YES!
8. October - still dealt with the flat stuff and was incredibly stressed over it.
9. October - still some talks with the sales agent.
10. October - dealt with the flat stuff. Do you have any idea how much time and effort this takes?!
11. October - STILL dealt with flat stuff.
12. October - paid for another month of gym membership. At one point I thought that maybe I shouldn't because I didn't have any motivation to attend yoga classes, but I know I feel so good after it, so I did it.
13. October - paid the bills. :D I am always one who doesn't want to do it at the start of the month, often it happens mid-month or sometimes even at the end.
14. October - finally finished some annoying work stuff. I had been postponing doing it for like half a year, but now it is finally done. It is really difficult to motivate myself even if the things actually take so little time and effort.
15. October - talked to the bank, agreen on signing the contract and got notary time set. Sent all of this info to sales agent. I cannot believe that I will soon have a home!
16. October - went to yoga class in the morning even though I didn't feel like it. But after it I felt amazing. Also my sister had a friend over and they wanted some cake, so I went to the store to buy them some. :D I like going for walks and I really didn't have anything better to do anyway. :D
17. October - went to a friend's place who saved me and gave me a new bread starter. Mine got mouldy. :( Anyway yes, I was thinking that I don't want to go, because it was awful and rainy, but I still went. And then on the evening me and my sister went to see another flat for her.
18. October - dealt with my health and wrote to my doctor, also saw my psychologist.
19. October - walked to the sales agent about moving and finished two really annoying things at work. It feels so good!
20. October - talked to the sales agent some more and finished another thing at work.
21. October - dealt with flat stuff.
22. October - tried to finish some things at work and was successful.
23. October - my parents came to Tallinn and we went to see several flats for my sister. Unfortunately we didn't find anything we truly liked.
24. October - went to see my flat with my sister and talked to the owner about furniture, then I went to buy some stuff from the stores (also stocked up on coffee and stuff like this).
25. October - finished with the flat stuff.
26. October - didn't feel like going to the gym, especially because we had a late meeting at work, but did it anyway and felt really good after it.
27. October - maybe a random thing, but I cleaned and did some decluttering + finally made some pumpkin-mushroom stew that I had been wanting to make for a while.
28. October - again thought I didn't want to go to the yoga class, but did it anyway. :D It was my favourite class with my fav trainer, so all in all it was a really good day.
29. October - went to see another two flats with my sister and her friend. I really didn't feel like tagging along, but I had promised. Actually seeing all the flats is kind of fun. We also found one we liked. Anyway yeah, some food for thought.
30. October - went to morning yoga class, even though I was exxxtra tired. But again, it was nice. A bit difficult as well, because of the new plan.

Did all of these things (actually one of the days is missing but I am not able to find which one argh). Anyway, going over this list really made me feel good. :D At the same time I keep thinking that do normal people just do stuff like this all the time and don't complain?! :D

Anyway yes, it was a nice thing to write all these things down. I can see how productive I have been now and it kind of does make me want to keep up with this. :D I think that in the future I won't write stuff down like this anymore, but I think I am more inclined to do stuff I don't like. For example I take a task and complete it, instead of postponig it for days. So that is progress. And this is where I wanted to get to.

I also thought I would go over the small goals I set for myself on Friday and see how I have been doing.

Firstly it was having bigger snacks, which was a roaring success. :D I have bought myself several tub of yoghurt and I think that I will soon not crave for them anymore. I still do now though. Anyway, in general life is a lto easier. I have finally given myself a permission to eat and this takes off the worry. Like, I am letting myself to have whatever I want however much I want and this takes away the stress aspect somehow. Just giving myself this permission was the difficult part.

The second small thing was to add chai spice to my morning porridge. And it was actually a very difficult day, because I had gained a lot, but I made some rice porridge (with strawberries and banana) and it was such a good combo with chai spice. :D Exactly as good as I imagined. Here again the decision making was the tough part. But on the last night I thought that I am GOING to do it and then I did. So done! :D

And lastly I wanted to be more flexible with my meal times and this was also a success. For example on one day I had a snack at 4 instead of three, and also had dinner and lunch later as well. And I didn't stress about it at all. I just went with it and thought that okay, I am not hungry yet, I will have food a bit later. It was really nice not to stick to certain times.

I wanted to tell everyone who stuggle with disordered eating and have found their way here... that it is difficult. I have really hard time. Sometimes silly things make me cry. I share successes here, like last week, having Snickers and all that and that I enjoyed it. But still, it is really difficult. I am not doing recovery perfectly. Still every day is a struggle and I have so many thoughts and feelings.

But I want to challenge You. One day. Just take one day and have whatever you want. Don't think about your next meal. You want a piece of chocolate after your breakfast? Have it. Think that "tomorrow I will start again with my rules", but give yourself today off. And then tomorrow you can see how you are feeling. I promise you, nothing bad will happen. And tomorrow, the tomorrow when you think about following your rules, it is not as difficult not to. And you can break those rules again. And again, you can think that well, day after tomorrow I am starting again. Just trick yourself.

And if you are unable to do it one day, then start again. Every day, every morning, every hour and every minute is a new beginning. I promise.

I have discovered that when I am not hungry, I can focus so much better. Like focus on talking to people. I went to a looooong walk with a new friend yesterday and honestly, I didn't even think about any of my meals, or what I was planning to have for dinner. I just listened, answered, talked, looked around and lived. And this is much more important than 10 kilos, 20 kilos, or I don't know, 30 kilos. Because what is this weight telling you? Well, in general only how hard gravity is pulling you towards the ground...

Okay, this post is ending on a weird note, but I don't know. I am feeling motivated.

PS! I will continue with my Very Scary Snacks Challenge.

Okei, selle postituse lõpp läks küll lappesse, aga ma ei tea. Olen hetkel motiveeritud või miskit.

My friend told me that now they have a recommendation that you should eat 30 different kinds of foods in a week, then you can say your eating is diverse enough. Article about this topic can be found here. I thought I would try and write down all the food groups I am eating starting from Monday, and see, if I can do 30 different things. In this article they are talking about plant based foods, which is perfect for me. Anyway, it would be interesting to know. Food related articles are everwhere and it is difficult to understand what are important and what exactly should you eat.

Anyway, regarding eating, basic rules are simple and they have been the same for a long time. For example eat as much as you need, eat various foods and different food groups, eat everything in moderation and eat a diverse diet. Sounds simple? Actually it is not that simple, because in the recent years, there are so many different diets and such going around. It also seems that some diets have become people's identities. I am not saying it is necessarily bad, but sometimes I don't understand why people who CAN tolerate gluten eat gluten free. Like why? I mean, I understand the identity thing when you are vegan, because veganism is combined with your morals and stuff. Anyway, if anyone wants to chat about it, my comments are open.

Anyway, that is why I have not set in stone my eating habits. I have never said that I will be pescetarian for the rest of my life. I am eating what I feel that I need and want and currently this is eating no meat. I haven't had it for years, to be accurate. I don't even feel like having it. I remember that I used to crave meat during summer BBQs, but this hasn't happened in the recent years. So I think I have found a diet that works for me CURRENTLY.

But now I will try to write down everything I am eating starting from Monday. And every day I add the new things, not repeating the previous stuff. And then on Friday I will read everything and see how much different stuff I have used. I think this is really interesting and I can finally see how diverse my diet is. :D Of course some things are just pointless, like cookies and chocolate, but I will mark them down still.

Foods eaten on Monday:

Oatmeal porridge, banana, almond milk, frozen cherries, vegetable soup (beans, potatoes, tomato, paprica, seasonings and stuff, but I consider this as one thing), oatmeal-peanut flapjack, apple, melon, salad, tomato, paprica, cucumber, xucchini, salsa, guacamole, corn, cheese, pickles. I am also not writing down drinks (like coffee and tea, because I have a lot og them). Basically on Monday alone I have had 18 different foods. Wow.

Foods eaten on Tuesday:

I will add only things that are different. Frozen strawberries, cocoa powder, chocolate, granola, homemade rye bread, cream cheese, vegetable dumplings, cottage cheese. So by the end of Tuesday I am up to 26 different things. :D It seems that reaching 30 is super easy.

Foods eaten on Wedensday:

Frozen blue raspberries, chocolate chip cookies (I don't really know if these are considered as food though. :D But eating this kind of stuff in moderation is supposed to be fine), sweet potato, green bean-tomato sauce. I guess now I have written down most of the things I eat in a week. And it is 30! :D Alreadt reached it and it is third day. :D

Foods eaten on Thursday:

Frozen mango, coconut shreds, oats and cranberry flapjack (I haven't had cranberries so I am adding this to the list), butter, raw buckwheat, onion, garlic, mushrooms, carrots. 39 different things. I am kind of interested now if I can reach 50 different things by the end of the week. :D I will post on Friday here, so I don't know, maybe I will write stuff down and mention this on my next post, about how I did.

Foods eaten on Friday:

Here I don't have anything new to add yet, because for breakfast I had porridge with strawberries and I didn't add anything new. But I wanted to mention that I have gaine weight. I feel very torn - I mean I understand I need to gain, but this is sooooo difficult. I just want to get over this block I have with the change in first number.

I also thought about writing down some possible challenges I want to do in the future. I have them listed in my bullet journal, but there are a lot that need some more preparation, time, or I want to just have moved before starting them. About the moving thing - there is a lot of trouble and the situation is really complicated and I am so fed up with it. As soon as I solve one problem, next arises and argh... this is super stressful. I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed that everything works out well.

Anyhow, possible challenges would be:

1. Vegan food challenge (either 24 hours, 3 days, 5 days, 7 days or even longer!)

2. Eating same coloured food for a day (I would like to do green, I have so many ideas. :D)

3. Cheapest things challenge (I would like to try and buy the cheapest things at the supermarket to see, how much money I spend and if I can have proper three meals.)

4. Week of pasta (I think I would do a 5 day challenge, eating pasta every night with different vegetables and sauce and stuffs. It would show me that I shouldn't be afraid of pasta.)

5. Week of rice (again, 5 day challenge with trying different food combos and using different recipes. It seems so interesting! :D)

6. Week of potatoes (same as the previous ones. You can make potatoes in many ways.)

7. Week of sandwiches (again the same. :D I would really like to try this peanut butter toast with banana or jam!)

8. Week of meal preping (I really want to try and make meals for lunch on Sunday. It would probably lessen my stress over lunch and could give me some nice structure. Lunches are still the most difficult things to deal with.)

9. Breakfast challenge (try something different every morning. I mean, I do love porridge and my heart belongs to it, but I think this would be an interesting experiment. Also, maybe I will discover something I love just as much! I guess nothing beats porridge, but I need to confirm it.)

10. Drinking more water challenge (I think I have done this previously, but I feel like I need some motivation to drink more water. I am quite good at it when I can have carbonated water, but I don't really like normal tap water. But I feel I need to have more of it, especially after gicing up Coke. Also, by now I have been 10 days Coke free and I am feeling a lot better. I am drinking more carbonated water and tea, but I feel more stable somehow. So this is a big plus!)

I have also writen down some other challenges to try. For example I would gladly do another reading one (maybe with reading physical newspaper, magazine or just book), because I feel that I should do it more. I also used to love writing stories and I could do something to do with writing perhaps. I have a lot of ongoing stuff that is waiting to be finished and some of it has potential (I believe :D). Or maybe take a list about some topics and write a blog post every day for 30 days.

Then I would also like to start running again. I don't mean long distances, but just do something extra to yoga classes. I really miss it and it would be a cool project named "back to running". I also Googled different challenges right now and found one about decluttering. Like you take one thing per day - closet, kitchen cabinet etc and declutter. This would be really good to do before moving I think... and I have exactly a month from the signing papers until move in date! This seems like something I could do...

It would also be interesting to do something with drawing, as I used to draw a lot at the hospital. Or do something else with my hands. Like I used to knit a lot of socks some time ago. :D

I also want to do something similar to my stretching routine, for example work out 10 minutes following a YouTube tutorial every day. Would be cool. There are so many short routines online. In regards to YouTube, I should finally write a post about my favourite challenges... but there are so many that I cannot pick which ones to write about. :D Should I pick five of my favourites? Ten? More? Also I don't know if this is something you would be interested in...

Then what else... stuff that has nothing to do with challenges is everything related to buying a flat. And I also want to write about this planning and setting the place up. At the moment I am under a lot of stress and I should sign papers on Monday but it is all so confusing. I just hope that I will soon have my own place and I can move in on 26.11 as seems to be possible!