I Won't Quote: reading

Loving to help

A long time ago I found an article online which talked about doing some volunteer work and reading audiobooks to blind people.

This article was super old, but I decided to send them a message and ask if they are still looking for people, because I would love to donate some of my time. And less than 24 hours later I got an answer saying they would be really happy if I did that. It was so sweet!

So I agreed on a book, went to the library, got a microphone and started... to read. I am reading Jo Nesbo's "Thirst", because Nesbo is one of my favourite writers and people were looking forward to it. So I get to do 2 in 1 - enjoy a book myself and do something good at the same time.

I started to record on Monday evening and I discovered that I make so many mistakes. Awful. :D I thought that as I read quite a lot myself, it is easy, but it is not. At the same time I will not give up and read the whole book. Especially because I myself have started to listen to audiobooks a lot and there aren't many in Estonian.

I thought I have read "Thirst" already, but during the first page I discovered that I haven't. Anyway, I will mark down here how I am doing and I also suggest you look up similar things wherever you are from. Especially now when most of the people are sitting at home and there isn't much to do. It is a good way to pass some time.

They have a list of books they would like to be read, but if you have a book at home, you can simply read this! I think it is super cool. Also they sent me an explanation how and what to read, which program to use and so on. They were super friendly and this was such a positive experience.

I uploaded first two files and I am looking forward to feedback, is this good enough or should I change something. I think I could also record with my phone, as my computer was not working properly (but it is now okay) and I thought about using this. Luckily it is fine now and I can use the microphone.

I am really interested to know how long it takes me to record it and how long the book is. :D Most of the books I have listened to are somewhere between 7-10 hours, so I think I need to read quite a bit. At the same time "Thirst" is a long book, so maybe it will be even longer. Well, reading takes a bit longer anyway, because sometimes I mess up and have to start again. I am not professional enough to cut the wrong part out yet, I need to try the program out a little more. It kind of sucks if I mess up at the moment. But well, like everything, it needs a little practice t read. I feel like I am performing or something. :D But yeah, in general it is really cool. When I listen back on what I read, it is so weird, because I am not used to my own voice at all, haha. :D But well, I hope it changes after this experience.

I am thinking that once I have read this book, I would gladly take another one, because at the moment I have a lot of motivation to do this.

–

On Tuesday evening I finished the first chapter. I kind of messed up a little, but didn't start again, so I hope they will forgive me. It is a bit difficult as well, as I am trying to pronounce all the Norwegian names and stuff, but I am not sure I am doing a good job. :D

At first I also thhought that yes, I will give characters different voices and everything, but honestly I am happy I could read at least something. It is not as easy as it seems when you are listening to an audiobook!

And to clarify, I have read this book, but I don't think I finished it, because the first chapter was kind of familiar in the end. I also managed to get the microphone to work properly finally, the prologue was not as loud as I would have liked. We shall see. I wanna go home already and keep recording. :D

–

Second chapter went more smoothly, even though I started recording quite late and I couldn't wait for it to be over so I could make some food for myself. But it was nice, I like reading stuff out loud.

I remember that when me and my sister were small, we had rooms next to each other and sometimes I read a whole book to her, even though she fell asleep at the beginning already. :D I just read and read and didn't stop until it was over.

I haven't listened to a lot of audiobooks lately, but it is only because I was too lazy to charge my headphones. xD It is so simple, but I just don't remember to do it. I think I will charge them for tomorrow, even though I really wanted to listen to something today already when I was going to work.

The Hilarious Life of Depression is still quite good and I still have 8 hours more to listen. But at the same time the loan period will be over soon, so I need to listen to it more. I can borrow it again though, so it is no problem to be honest.

I think that law books should be in audio format as well, I would really like to listen to them, because I am not doing that great with studying recently. I am still trying to do at least SOMETHING every day, even though it is not working out great. I still haven't refound my motivation.

Today, on Thursday, I have a new phychologist appointment as well, they are so often thesedays. I don't really have anything to talk about to her, but we shall see what she wants to discuss.

Are you going to watch Eurovision? I saw the first semifinal and I am planning to watch the second as well. And then on Friday me, my sister and her friend are going to order food and watch the final. I can't wait, I really need some time off! But my vacation starts in ten days! Can't come fast enough.

I found a new favourite ice cream while watching the second semifinal. Like, I love coconut, but I thought this was going to be too much. But it wasn't. And honestly, it is the best ice cream I have ever had. :D The price is also cheap, so this is a big success.

Which songs did I like from the Eurovision ones? Iceland is definitely a favourite, Czech was good as well, but they didn't make it to final. Norway I liked, Israel as well, surprisingly. First semifinal was better though and it is kind of sad that Estonia didn't get to the final, I really hoped we would make it. But at the same time it was to be expecred. Anyway yes, overall there were a lot of good songs this year, nothing awful. Except for some ballads on the second semi final perhaps.

It was nice at the psychologist appointment, we did some focusing exercises, I filled a questionnaire and she taught me some tricks to be in the present, because my main issue is worrying about the future. A lot of people have this problem that they can't be in the present, they usually feel guilt about the past or worry about the future. I am the worrier, but sometimes I feel bad about what has already happened.

I got really frustrated during the session so she gave me a small ball to play with, it really helped. :D I should find one for myself as well, because I liked playing with it and it did help with being in the present, because I felt something against my fingers.

This time we didn't really talk about eating, though we mentioned it a few times. My weight has gone up properly, so I am already feeling a bit weird about ordering food tomorrow, so yeah, worrying again.

Then lately I have started to become really anxious when I am not at home. It just came to be really randomly - we had a fire safety training at work and then I started to worry that something happens at home. Like, it is sooooo awful I can't do anything. Annoying. I have never felt this kind of anxiety.

And I finally also got a birthday present! I haven't used it yet and probably won't today, but maybe on Sunday? Then on Monday I can write how I like it. :D I decided on Delimano Pro... even though I don't have much room at home so I don't know where I will put it. Or well, there is little room in the kitchen. :D At the moment it is on my corridor, inside a box still. :D

Also I have a really big addiction to coffee with chocolate soy milk, like please send some help. I can't get over, I am having my third cup already and it is 8:32 am...

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, by Signe

In 5 day challenge, audiobook

Productive week

I thought about a lot of challenges to do... what would be an interesting read, what would be an actual challenge that I can stick to for 5 days. I had some ideas so I combined them all together.

At first I wanted to talk about moving and working out. Then I wanted to tell you about studying and reading. Then I wanted to mention listening to a radio or a podcast. I also wanted to do something in the kitchen.

And then I thought about being a little productive every single day. Lately things have not been going too well and most of my time I just do nothing. To make the most of my time, I needed to make a change and DO something every single day.

I think I will try to and write down at least three things that I have done and would have usually skipped.

Sunday

Half of my fay I was kind of confused, because I couldn't figure out what I needed to do then. To be productive. In the end I came to some sort of realisation and started to put it into practice. All in all:

- I studied for 30-45 minutes

- I loved myself: went for a long walk and worked out for 15 minutes

- I cleaned and did some laundry. I still have some organizing to do at home, I need to take old furniture into the basement for example, because I have no idea about what to do with them pieces...

- I prepared some dinner that I haven't made before

- I read a book

I couldn't come up with more things at the moment, but I want to put emphasis on studying, which I haven't done in a while, and moving myself, which is also kind og meh. In the evening when I went to sleep, I felt really accomplished and it was nice.

Monday

I had so much motivation when I woke up in the morning. But at work I didn't feel like doing anything, but I looked through some stuff and planned things in advance. Though I could have done more - as always. But this weekend just went by so fast and I feel like I didn't get any rest at all. I will try and mark down as many things as I did yesterday. And do similar stuff.

Monday productivity list was as follows:

- I listend to an audiobook

- Translated a blog post into English finally

- Took an extra task at work

- Started a new law book I want to go through

- Did some exercises at home

- Made proper dinner (Japanese curry)

- Walked quite a bit after work while listening to an audiobook

Tuesday

Today morning I also felt motivated, but I almost missed my bus and couldn't listen to my audiobook in the morning. So I feel like I wasted this time I could have invested into it.

Otherways at work it has been a nice day, I have had several meetings already and I have been talking about things at work a lot. Also I have done quite a bit of work today. But yeah, I needed to get it done anyway. Also even during the moments I am taking a rest, my brain is still working on my cases, so I have some things almost solved, though I haven't written them out yet. It is good to be prepared though.

I would really love to go for a run today, but it is raining outside so it is not that inviting. I guess I will walk back home and listen to some music or my audiobook and do some exercises indoors. I found a workout video yesterday what I would like to try at home. I should clean at home also, especially because mum is coming over on the weekend, but I hope I will have some time to do it tomorrow or something. I sould go and check out my basement thingy. :D

- Participated two meetings

- Did this home workout

- Studied a little

- Listened to an audiobook

Wednesday

I feel like my productivity has gone down, I haven't done as much stuff as I would have liked. But I have made genuine effort and done things. So I guess at least I am more productive than I was last week.

- Had a meeting

- Studied for about half an hour

- Ran 3,5 km, which is the longest run I have done this year and I could have kept going, but it was quite late already and I didn't want to overtrain as we are going hiking tomorrow

- Cleaned at home, because my cat is shedding a loooot, I vacuumed everything at took the trash and empty bottles out.

Thursday

Today I won't be doing much, because we have a bog hike planned. I got up super early, but no wonder, as I went to bed quite early as well. I had to get up at 9 but opened my eyes at 7 already.

A few weeks ago I had this really stressful and depressed time and I am back there right now, I feel so disgusting and awful. Today is a bit better though. I guess it plays a role that my weight has gone up quite a bit yet again and this upset me.

Every cell in my body was against having breakfast today, because I know today brings a lot of snacking and drinking. But I made proper porridge for myself. Then there were these discussions about should I also add a banana, do I add regular amount of oats, do I add less strawberries, but I just override these thoughts and made my normal porridge. I feel better and not a guilty today, but I guess these feelings will eventually come, as I am sure I am going to overeat. I try to think that this is normal and I still need to gain some weight, but it is not helping. Everything is okay. I just need to repeat this to myself often enough.

At least I get to share these things with a friend and she understands me, this makes everything better. I have no idea if today will be any productive at all, but at least I can write down that I do something with other people, I am moving my body and I am participating in things. Will jot them down tomorrow.

All in all I do feel like I have been more productive. At first I don't want to do anything, but once I get going, it gets easier. And I can complete what I need to do.

One of the biggest changes is definitely that I am not on my phone as much anymore, I have been actually living. And I have been doing things I kind of skipped on for a while.

…

And there is not list today, because I was not productive at all. Well, I could add that I did something different at least - went to a bog. And swam in a pond! It was nice. There was a lot of eating and I calculated... well, I don't even want to write it out. Today I feel quite disgusting, but I am sure I will get over it. It happens. I have gotten over it other times, why should today be different.

My head is actually full of thoughts and there are so many ideas I want to do and write. Which is good. Sometimes I feel like I don't even know what to blog about anymore, but I have a plan for next 2 posts already. I haven't written anything down yet, but I have good ideas. So should be interesting. Even though I don't know, things may change with the challenges.

I want to get over my food addiction, because I am quite sure I have it. All the time when I am awake I need to eat something. :D It is difficult like this. Sitting at home and eating. Or going out with people and eating. Everything is about food and eating.

It is also difficult to see people who are thinner than I am, like yesterday I needed to tell myself all the time that different bodies, different paths, different prople and everything is different. I guess it did help.

I really didn't want to talk about eating in this post, but I kind of got stuck here, sorry. :D Also I am sorry for being behind with translating my posts. :D

I will try and continue with this productivity thing, I want to start making lists and completing them. It feels so good when you actually finish stuff. And it becomes easier and easier the more you do it. But at the same time you can't forget REST and doing nothing, because they are equally as important. So I took it very easy over the weekend.

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, by Signe

In boredom, bullet journaling

Rediscovering my hobbies

When my friend came over and we had the pizza night, we talked about not having anything to do and to waste time, we go out for walks. Like... I used to have hobbies. Where have they gone?

For example I used to watch a lot of films and even anime. At the moment I am not doing this at all, because I feel like I can't focus for that long. It is much easier to watch Youtube videos, becuse in general they are not that long and when I don't like something, I can pick another one. So yeah, I am not really a fan of watching TV. Yesterday I took a look around in Netflix and I thought that oh, maybe I should watch this or that, but then I checked how long it is and decided that I don't have enough energy for that. And I didn't want it to play on the background either, because it would be such a waste. Only thing I have sort of managed to watch is My Kitchen Rules, but this also annoys me, because they always repeat the episodes and I have seen them already. :D

Then... I used to attend a choir practice. But I don't think starting to sing at home randomly would be a nice thing to do (even though in the last place I lived, there was a girl who was an opera singer and I could hear her practicing all the time). But yeah, that is a no from me.

I have never been a dancer and honestly even thinking about it makes me embarrassed. I have turned on some music more loudly and done some steps, but as soon as I do it, I pause the music and sit back down. This is not for me!

What else? I used to read a lot. I read one a day or was awake half of the night in order to read. But at the moment I don't have enough patience, attention and I am just not feeling like it. It just seems so boring. And like... a waste of time, even though it isn't. Because is watching Youtube better?! Also I should contact the magazine I ordered as I have not received my January one. I just saw that they took money from my account but I still haven't gotten it. But yeah, considering me, I wouldn't even read it.

In addition to these things, a big role in my life has sport. I used to love (and still do) running and all kinds of group workouts, but this is not possible at the moment. It is slippery and cold outside and I don't have proper gear to run.

Also, I would like to, I don't know, learn languages or something. But all kinds of group things are paused due to corona. It is depressing. Today I came to the office simply to get out of the house, because I feel I will go mad at home.

Anyway, considering all this, I go for walks a lot. Like yesterday I walked to the one shopping center THREE times. Firstly in the morning to buy some decorations for home (which I think is really pretty, hahaa :D).

Then later I thought I will make kimchi-tofu-mushroom soup as I just came across a recipe and I decided to go and buy some kimchi. And all of the kimchi was gone. I was really upsed because I really wanted that soup. Oh well.

And then in the evening I was like... I should go to the store and get some soya yoghurt. Even though I still have half a tub of coconut yoghurt and I planned to have porridge for breakfast anyway. But I STILL went outside and walked to the store, I just couldn't keep still and I was sooooo bored.

When I get home it was still quite some time until dinner, there was nothing on the TV and I was bored of the computer. So I finally picked up my scrapbook and started one for 2021! It was kind of nice to work on it, but as I don't have printed out pictures, I couldn't really do much. I should look at the photos I have taken and send them to be printed out.

It was kind of calming. I had a weird feeling all day and a bit of anxiety, so it was nice to have some time for myself. I had some tea on the side and just wrote stuff down. It was really nice. But at the same time I still felt like "ugh I don't feel like doing it". I pushed it aside, but it still was on my mind. :S I don't know if scrapbooking is called a hobby, but it is a nice activity that I do on my free time so I guess? I don't know.

We will see what I do next. I guess I should take this list of things and try all the activities, maybe I like somethign again. Is this what depression is, just laying on bed or on a sofa and stare at the ceiling? Honestly, I would even pick an obsession right now, like Korean music used to be. Because I am just... so... bored.

But it was nice that on Saturday a couple of friends and a relative came over. They brought me so many things. ;_; A lot of vegan products, but also something interesting, for example NATO parcel CAN OF BREAD?! This was weird, haha. :D But well, I can say that I am ready for a zombie apocalypse.

Also, what else - blogging is a hobby as well. Yep, this is probably the only thing I have done constantly and feel like doing. :D

Bullet journaling is also kind of the same. You make some pretty decorations and can do habit tracking and mood tracking and so on. It is interesting to see. I try and do something every day, but on some days I still skip.

Mmmmmm I am thinking what else I did at the hospital. I solved sudokus! And drew! And... solved puzzles, coloured... but in general I just wasted time. I don't know, this walking around makes me feel good. The act of moving. It soothes my nerves and lets me think, like usually I make plans about blogposts or something. Anyway, all in all I want to say that if you want to go for a walk, tell me and let's do it together. :D I always need to have a goal when I go for a walk, especially when I am alone. And usually it is a store. Because I just can't walk around aimlessly. With someone it is fine, but I almost always go for a walk alone.

Yes, I don't keep my walking at the minimum any more, because I have gained quite a bit of weight. And I can allow myself to use some energy. To feel good. And I eat so much, I never walk off all the calories I consume. So yeah, thins are progressing... somehow.

Today I have my psychologist appointment and I am scared of it. And not because I have lost weight, the opposite. I have gained TOO MUCH from the last visit. Like a lot. Several kilos. :S When will things be alright?

At the moment my main problems are: disinterest, boredom, need to move, short attention span, depression, eating too much.

Like I felt SO hungry on one night. I had had all my meals and snacks and then I still kept eating and eating and in the end I went to sleep crying. At 8 pm. Because I thought I will never stop. This really scared me. Later I understood that it was because I was restricting a bit during the week. This is a dead sycle.

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, by Signe

In 7 day challenge, challenge

(Magazine) reading challenge

Oh boy, a lot has happened. USA presidential elections, corona is wild in Estonia, countries are going on a lockdown and so on. Can't really keep an eye on the stuff, so many happenings. Kind of scary not knowing what next days bring. But live and see I guess. At the moment it doesn't feel too unreal, like in spring, when I kept thinking I live in some kind of dystopian book.

How have you been keeping up? I know some people sat awake all night to see the election... I wouldn't do it myself, but I guess it would have been interesting with a group of friends. I kept my eye on Twitter, though Trump's sayings were really frustrating haha. :D

But anyway, what has happened to me? I am still waiting for my flat access, 19 days to go! I have seen some sofas, but I would like to see some more, as I haven't found "the one" yet. I just want to have all the things by when my parents are coming to help me move, because how am I supposed to get the sofa to fifth floor by myself (though some stores offer to help with that?). But yeah, a lot to do and get etc... and I need to change my address for my National Geographic order... which brings me to today's challenge:

I have never been big in reading magazines. My mum has one subscription and I have brushed through those when I have been at home, but I am not the one to read gossip magazines in general. I am not interested at all. The one my mum has though, has a lot of recipes and good stories, so this is different. Not about famous people.

But now for the last three months I have been subscribed to Estonian National Geographic. And I need to admit that I haven't really read them. So I thought it is about time to start doing this and maybe learn something new.

Monday

I was waiting for my bread to bake and I thought that okay, it is time to start reading. This month's articles were about coronavirus, and there are a lot of essays about environment, social life etc. Really interesting. I read mostly about what different countries have done to stop the spread.

I really like how NG is written. You can get a lot of knowledge without having to be a specialist. Articles are simple and interesting. Honestly, this hald an hour I had to wait for the bread went by really fast. It was a good change from reading a book too, you don't need to focus as much. You can just read one article at the time and that's that. So good.

In October's magazine there was a really interesting read about trafficking of children. It was really scary, but really opened my eyes. I think that if I finish with the November one, I will turn back to the previous ones and read them as well.

I remember that for the first time I read National Geographic in my high school English class. We had to pick an article and talk about it to other students. And already then I thought it was really interesting. So now when the publisher called me and asked if I wanted to get a subscription, I said yes. I also got a really interesting book for free, that is otherwise really expensive. :)

Every year I have come across the ad where they offer free magazines for two months if your birthday is in May. I have had one about science and another one of history, but National Geographic takes the cake, it is the most interesting.

Tuesday

Today I had so much to do that I didn't read anything at all. I finally went to the cinema to see Tenet and I really recommend it. :D Very confusing film, but it has a lot of scenes filmed in Tallinn and it is so unreal to see. And hearing Estonian! Anyway, all of Estonian people should go and see it at least once. :D I went to see it without knowing much, I just had heard that it was surreal and I had seen the trailer. Anyway yes, it was interesting.

I got home around 10 pm and I just wanted to go to bed right away (I ended up waiting for sleep until like 3 am, ugh), so I didn't have time to read. But I promised myself that I will read double on Wedensday. I am trying to think that this is not a failure, it is just a stumble. I don't want to quit this challenge simply because I fucked up one day. It is like this with everything. Even with an eating disorder - if you fuck up one day you just have to start again. It doesn't mean the challenge is pointless, not at all. You just start again or refocus and keep going.

Wednesday

Instead of pushing all the reading until later in the evening, I continued during my lunch break. At the moment I am reading an essay that talks about young people, around 18-25. About how their hopes and dreams an everything have kind of broken due to corona. A lot of people have just finished schools and it is difficult for them to find a job and start living their own life. Many countries are in a lockdown. Workfield is in crisis, there are a lot of debts and stuff going on.

I got really emotional reading this article and even almsot started to cry. :D But it was nice to read during my break, instead of trying to do work stuff which I usually do while eating.

Thursday

I again kept reading during my lunch break. This article was about economy and it's connection to coronavirus. How this has been really tough to environment and how there are some bad things coming money-wise. Crazy. It is so difficult for so many people, I felt really helpless reading it. But at the same time the article itself was really interesting. I wonder if these kind of essays help to deal with the situation that is about to come? I hope something can be done to ease the situation.

Friday

I again read during my lunch break. Article that I picked this time was really cool. There were mainly photographs by a Belgian artist. It showed the corona story, starting from old people's home to how they use even children's hospital rooms to treat this illness. The pictures were really raw and emotional.

I remember there was an exhibition in Tallinn about world's best press photos a few years ago where me and some of my friends went. It was powerful and interesting. I imagine in a few years these photos end up there as well.

I still ove reading NG, it goes so fast. Like, if I tried to read a book during my lunch break, it would take a lot more time to get into the mood. So yeah, a good challenge. It is kind of sad and tough, but interesting. You can understand better how situation is in different countries.

Today Estonia had a loooot of corona cases (241) and it kind of really threw me off. It is scary. I am not scared about getting sick, but rather making others sick if I happen to have it without symptoms. I really hope it won't happen.

At the moment we don't have to work from home, but they have said several times that it is not prohibited and if we want to, we can work gtom home. My sister has tough time too, there have been some cases at her school.

Saturday and Sunday

I kept reading. Last article that I completed was about how scientists are trying to find the cure and vaccination and how diffiult this whole thing is. Besides usually finding the cures or vaccines it has taken ages. Now they are trying to do it extremely fast.

And the instances where they have said there are possible positive outcomes have not reached far, because there is too little know about the virus. A lot of research has done on small group of people and it is not giving the scientists enough information.

I don't know if this post is about getting back into reading, or about corona. :D A bit of both. But yes, I got into the habit of reading again. I repeat - it is really nice to read something you don't have to focus on too much. And I am sure I am going to read the next numbers properly as well. Currently I haven't seen any boring articles at all. There are some that are "meh", but once I have gotten into them, they are interesting and well written.

For this week I have a food challenge, but I don't know how it will go. It may be a bit too difficult. :D We shall see.

I want to do some other weekyl challenge, but I don't knowwww. At the moment I don't have any ideas. Or well, I have ideas, but I need to live alone for them. For example I really want to try completely vegan challenge at least for a week, but I can't do it with my sister. Because she doesn't agree with 100% vegan good and I really like cooking for us both. :D It is also easier, as there are usually no leftovers.

I should look up and start writing down some recipes I could do when I live alone. Like... one serving meals. At the same time my new place has a proper fridge and freezer, meaning I can freeze some of the leftovers, if I don't want to have the same thing the next day. Our current fridge is only big enough for one ice cream. :D

Anyway, let's see how it goes.

This week will be a challenge anyway, because it is my dad's birthday on Saturday and we are going to visit our parents with my sister. My dad said that he doesn't let us in if we bring a gift, but we are planning to make him a cookie cake. :D This is his favourite thing in the whole world. At one point it felt like he preferred Napoleon cake, but when we gave him a chance to pick what he likes the most, he voted for cookie cake.

What is the secret of our cookie cake? Cookies, curd cream, jam and it HAS to be topped with mandarines and chocolate. Mmmm, I want some already.

What I have already discovered is that I think I have become a biiiittt more flexible. Like on one evening I had more snacks than my sister. And then I don't follow the meal times so strictly any more. This is baby steps, but I see my progress.

So I guess this post had it all. A challenge and some food talk. I wonder what I am surprising you (and myself) on Friday.