This year my birthday was on Thursdau, which meant that on Wednesday evening I had to bake a lot. I am starting this post on Wednesday, by the way.

Anyway, I had a plan of going home and then preparing for the next day. I made this cheese stritzel. I always make it with melted cheese and grated cheese and everyone have always loved it.

I hope that it will go fine this time as well, because I haven't used the gas oven to make it previously... I think I just need to check it more often or something. Hopefully I can do it. I also thought about going to my sister's place to prepare them and I still need to make a cake as well and it would have taken so much time. I will stay at home and try and make the things. I would really like to do some STUDYING as well, as I have neglected it recently.

For the cake, I am making one with curd cream and cream cheese. I have made it many times previously and everyone have always loved this as well. :) I hope my oven is fine with it. I got some new coconut flavoured cookies as the base and instead of blueberries I will make it with strawberries.

Yesterday at the store... it was a struggle, I needed to get so many things. :D

Unbelievable, I am getting a year older. Honestly I don't feel like I have changed at all since I was like 16, everything seems the same. :D I don't know, I wouldn't say I have also accomplished anything, even though I have almost gotten rid of my eating disorder, so maybe...

I just randomly remembered I started listening to The Hilarious World of Depression and it is really good. At least the part I have gotten through at the moment. I can recognize myself and some friends there. :D

Aa, to come back to the ED. Next step would be getting rid of my depression, but I have no idea when and if it is ever going to happen. Because it just, really sucks, haha. :D

I got really upset with my psychologist the other day. We talked about eating, as always. And then she said that she doesn't really restict, but she makes healthy choices, eats ice cream once per half a year and she said junk food is bad, you need to be healthy and make right decisions with food. And that you shouldn't even buy junk food. Like, thank youuuuu :)))))))))))). It really affected me negatively.

Other than that she is really nice, she can calm me down and ask right questions, but this really made me upset. I have, for years, forbidden things to myself and now someone comes out and says it is right, you shouldn't eat these things, you need to be healthy and mindful and watch your portions. Not what I would have liked to hear. Oh well. She also suggested having a food journal, but I can already imagine her going into the shock and her saying I should be healthier. Even when I said I eat 80-90% of the time well, it is not good enough. :D

No, I don't think she meant anything bad and I just saw her for the second time ever, I suppose she doesn't really know what would cause me to relapse and what I can take from her words. I just... I wish she hadn't said some things. Especially when I was already upset and cried there, right?! :D 

Today I can think about it more clearly, but after my appointment I called to my sister and ranted a lot, because I was so done with it.

Today I also had a dentist appointment and it was confirmed that on the 8th of June I will get rid of the braces! And then on 14th they will make the invisalign thingies I have to keep in my mouth. So exciting, gonna be pretty for summer! And it is almost like a birthday present for myself. :)

Anyway, I will write later or tomorrow about how my baking came out. :D

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Okay, so, birthday morning started with chocolate oatmeal, strawberries and a cup of coffee. Yesterday I was in such a hurry with baking, at least I think I managed with the oven. Cake looks good and stritzels got baked, so I can be happy. We shall see how the taste is, but I hope others will like it.

I got to work earlier today, earlier than usually. Now my best friend has called me and sang to me, also sister has called and sang and there are other birthday wishes as well. So sweet. I don't really feel like it is my birthday, but it helped a little. :) And it is so nice that a lot of people have just sent me a message instead of posting on my FB feed. It is much more personal and cute.

Then I thought that before the workday finishes I will have stritzel and cake, I can skip lunch. But I decided not to do it. I already went by the store and got several things for lunch, so I am being good. :D It is really big for me.

Ah, and after work I decided to celebrate my birthday by going shopping with my best friend and sister. And then my best friend bought me SHOES. And they are exactly like the ones I have been eyeing up. I am so lucky! Can't believe it. :D

Aren't they cute? I think they are!

Then I have also made a little challenge. One of my friends sent me a message on Instagram saying that I should be kind to myself and say nice things to myself. I haven't really done it in front of a mirror, but it is still a start.

Anyway, I set up some kind of mantras for myself that I repeat while I am walking to the bus stop in the morning. One of them is "something good will happen to me today" and there are two more that I am not going to write down here. And I repeat them until I believe them. It kind of makes me feel more positive.

And another thing that I do is that I will tell nice things about myself to myself. I start with "I am" and then add a positive word, like "proper", "friendly" etc. There are a lot of choices. I have some things I always say, but I also try to come up with something new from time to time.

I don't know if it is really helping though, because I have done it for a small amount of time, but it does make me feel a bit more positive. I think I will try telling myself nice things in the mirror at one point as well, but at the moment it seems a bit too cringe. Even though I live alone and don't have to worry about anyone except for my cat listening, haha. :D Have you tried something similar? It seems really popular practice.

Tomorrow I will have a small birthday party (we are really careful and everyone who have a small doubt regarding corona in their head are staying home) and I can't wait. Yesterday this thought stressed me out, but now I am over it and I can think normally and I can't wait to see them all.

Oh, I got a good idea about going to a bookstore after work, because I want a card game to help people get to know each other. :D I think it would be interesting.

I also got bookstore giftcard from work and I think I will buy a cookbook. I have really started using the library a lot more recently and honestly having books is cool, but I want more space at my home. So I am not going to buy all the books I would like to read.

With reading, I have a really cool project going on that I will write more about in a future post. And I also thought I will get my air fryer finally, there are so many things I want to try and make, I am really excited!

Also I thought about making a new post about the social media accounts that I follow, because I have discovered a lot of new ones. And maybe I will combine it with my favourite YouTubers, because I am in the middle of making it for a while now.

Anyway, I will enjoy my Friday with chocolate Oatly oatmilk and coffee and thinking about being 28. So old?