I Won't Quote

You know the feeling when you want to go and have lunch outside, you go to a cafe and just take the lunch offer? Well, I don't.

Until yesterday.

I got an opportunity to go out to eat and take my friend with me, so we went to vegan cafe called SIIN (siin means "here" in english). And it was so good to just go there and not worry if the food is okay for me. Because all the daily meals are 100% vegan and they are normal, homemade food.

There are some places near my work, that offer vegetarian food. And for some odd reason it is always fried cheese, pureed soup with cheese and other kinds of stuff with cheese. It really seems that they can't come up with anything else. :D They think that ok, at least it is not meat, so it's fine. So I gave up going for a lunch out while I am working.

Yesterday I also had university entrance exam (which didn't go too well, because what the hell were these questions?), but I took a day off from work to relieve some of the stress at least. And I had exactly enough time for lunch between the exam and interview.

I have lunch - always. But in general it is quite small, so this caused me a lot of guilt. What were we offered? Oh yes - soya mince sauce with potatoes or buckwheat, fresh salad and some bread. It was EXACTLY the kind of normal lunch I aim for! I had to tell myself over and over again that normal people eat this food all the time. :D

Anyway, the food was amazing. Simple and tasty. It didn't have too much salt or too many other seasoning, it was just, well, good. Again I wondered why I don't make something similar at home more often. :D But yeah, it was nice to have a homemade meal without having to put any effort in. Just walk in and you are being served. :D

We went at around 12, the food had just gotten ready. The place itself as well was really sweet and cosy, I really liked that you could sit by the window and look out on the street. We talked to my friend about this always being our favourite spot.

It started raining so much exactly when I headed to the cafe. I dropped by a store to get myself a raincoat, as I didn't have an umbrella on me. :D Anyway, it was really nice to sit inside, look at the storm and dark skies and enjoy good food and nice compay. Ah, they also sold a lot of the products in the store from this website: paradisefoods . My bag was full of stuff at that point and I couldn't get anything unfortunately. :D But yeah, they had some stuff I have never tried before. 

They are open every day now as well, even during the weekend. And you can also order food from there via Bolt food or Wolt. I think I am going to order lunch sometimes from there, because honestly, it is such a soul food.

Then at first I thought that I was not going to have the bread, but it was so nice and fresh and soft that I had to eat it, haha. :D Perfect with this simple meal, even though I don't usually have bread with my lunches or dinners, I have bad memories from the hospital. :D But doing this now is the only thing that helps me get better.

Also every time after your meal you get a vegan chocolate candy as well, it is perfect to finish the meal, as I have always said I need at least ONE bite of something sweet. :D And this also gave my brain some energy, because I had to go back to the uni to take the interview. Also, we had cappuccino and it was amazing, I had only had one coffee that day and usually I would have had three by this time already.

Anyway I really recommend this place! And again, I really loved that I could take the lunch offer, without having to think if it is okay for me. Just went in and got food. :D Also the portion size was quite good, I liked that they also offer a small plate as well. In some places they only have one size, even though I think this has started to change slowly. But anyway, I was happy with this. :)

I think my interview at the university was a bit better than the test, but I can't say for sure. I knew that I was prepared, but the questions they asked were just awful. For example "what did this philosopher say to that lawyer" etc.... I thought they were going to ask questions I really needed to know in working at law. :D Some questions were easier as well, but I am quite unsure. But well, if I can't get in, then the world is not going to end, I can try again next year, as at least I know what to expect (if they don't change it, that is). So at the moment I am just hoping it goes well, but I am prepared for the negative answer as well. I should get the results soon (ALSO I AM BEHIND IN TRANSLATING MY POSTS, I DID GET IN!)

It was really funny to sit at the university, in the class. I graduated from Bachelor's in 2016, so it has been a long time since I was at school. I kind of do miss it, doing something. This is why I am thinking it would be nice to get into studying again - it would be something to aim for and I finally feel that I have enough energy for this.

Yesterday, when I got home, I thought about going to the gym, because today I am going to my parents' place, but I left it there and just rested at home. I did drop by a shopping center and got a new pair of jeans though. I have a lot of pants, but they all are a bit too tight and bring me negative emotions, so finally I can throw them out and wear new ones. The pants I got are really quite nice, light blue, perfect for summer.

There has been a lot of eating out recently. For example on Tuesday I went to Vabrik and also at Jahu restaurant. This does kind of make me stressed, but it is good as well, to get out of my comfort zone. For example today I don't really feel bad at all, I just remember good things from Tuesday. As I tell myself quite often: feel shit, but do it anyway, because there is not progress if you don't.

Yesterday evening I also really wanted to skip dinner, but I didn't do it. I had curd cream with strawberries, raspberries, mango and Lizi's granola my friend got me to relieve my exam stress. And it is really good, I just snack on it randomly. :D Tasty as hell! I have kind of gotten over my cereal addiction and moved on to muesli/granola.

And this bowl I made was really good. Last time I had something similar, I whinged on the blog, saying I wasted calories, haha. :D So it was nice to repeat the challenge and show myself that this was good this time. :D

And now today after work I am going to Viljandi. My grandma turned 80 in the spring, but due to corona she didn't have a party, now she is finally doing it outside. My task is to bake two really big kringels - one sweet and one savoury. I think I can do it. :D I really love cookings, especialyl for others. xD When I went to SIIN cafe I thought that oh man, I want to own a cafe as well, it would be so cool to make a menu and cook and so on. So if my lay career fails at one point, I know what I want to do. :D

Lately I have had so many "accidentally vegan" days and honestly I feel really good. :) I have a habit tracker on my bullet journal and I always mark down when I have a vegan day and in July there was a lot. Even though it is the beginning of the month only! But I haven't tried too many vegan products this month, I hope to get better at it. I just need to put my mind to this.

Where else should I go and eat in Tallinn?

What is your favourite food you would like to make in vegan version?

If you had to cook me ONE meal, what would you make? :D

I picked Garmin Vivomove 3S watch. I looked at so many, tead about them, did research and so on, but I was still super confused. Then in the end I thought that they are pretty much the same thesedays, I will pick according to what looks best.

At the moment I have only used it for a few days, but I am happy with it so far. Vibrating that notifies me of calls and messages is quieter than I am used to, but I have already gotten good at noticing it. I like that it tracks a lot of things, like sleep, breathing etc. It is interesting to see in the evening or in the morning how my previous day went and how long I slept etc. At the moment I also haven't gotten addicted to like... walking up a certain amount of stairs or walking enough to standing for several hours or something. I do follow how much I walk, but I am hopeless there. And even if I didn't pay attention to it, I would still walk just as much. :D I really like walking.

Comparing this watch to my previous one that cost less than 30 euros, it also follows my steps taken indoors quite well. Also the menu is available in Estonian, notifications are in Estonian etc. My mum also would like a new watch and I have recommended the same one.

I especially like that it looks like a normal watch, a nice one. I am thinking of ordering some bands from Aliexpress to switch it up. The watch itself is rose gold, which I love.

It is also really comfortable to wear, it doesn't get stuck etc. The main thing is getting used to this vibrating stuff.

Mmm... what else. All the notifications are well shown and it is really simple to use. One of my friends also sent me a message saying she has used the exact one for a while and she is really happy with it. So at the moment I feel like I made a right choice.

I tried running with it, but I was so dumb and didn't start the training option, so I didn't get any feedback for it. :D I hope that before posting this I can do another round, if I feel like it, because I want to see how well it tracks it. I was really upset with myself after the run, because I really wanted to test it, but oh well. This is fine, because I discovered again how much I love it. It is just a bit difficult to motivate myself at the moment.

On Tuesday my dad is coming to Tallinn and he is finally setting up the stuff in my corridor. Like a mirror and shoe cupboard. I have lived in my flat for half a year already, but there are still things to be done. Next I think I want to work on the kitchen and get a new sink thingy and I want to get a new oven. I don't know if I want to stick to the gas or get an electric one, probably the latter. But yeah, it will take some time, because money and choices are big issues for me. And I don't know how this getting rid of gas works etc. I am quite pleased with the current situation and not bothered by it, because I don't really do much at home and everything works. :D

One of my friends is getting the extra bed for her daughter, so I will get rid of that soon and then I can finally get a dinner table, I have looked at many already. But I would rather go to the store to pick it. It is different when you order stuff online, I want to see the furniture in real life first.

Okay, I did another run on Sunday and set my watch to record it. :D It was cool to see all the information it gave me later. How much I ran etc. I didn't feel like running at all, but I was simply too curious and had to. And in the middle of the run I discovered that I didn't think about anything and it was such a good moment. Like, during the first kilometer I was thinking about how I want to stop, but when my phone vibrated at the start of second km, I was like... wow, already done one?

My time was a bit better than last time: 6:13 mins per km. Even though I felt like I was super slow on that day, hahha. :D Anyway, this was a nice discovery.

What is a minus is that it doesn't have GPS so you need your phone with it while running.

I even did some studying on Sunday. Not much, maybe for about 30 minutes, but considering I haven't done any recently, it was still progress. At the moment I could keep going, but I thought about writing this post and it is Sunday, it should be a rest day!

Sister is coming over soon, we are making this oven baked pasta (with the vegan cheese I got!) and I got us Nutella-brownie cake and raspberry filled donut. It has been a long time when I have been wanting to go to a store and just buy cake, I have been super scared. I didn't even buy this one at first, I was already walking away when I changed my mind and went back. I hope it will taste well.

I have been wanting a donut since I did this S-letter challenge (sõõrik in Estonian) and one of my friends said that this one is particularly good. So I decided we should try it today. Even though it is Sunday, I am also thinking about having a glass of wine. I am not looking forward to next work week, because I have so many difficult things in hand and I am just so tired. I would like to be alone, not worry about hosting someone at my place, especially since me and my dad don't get along that well most of the time... but yeah, I have to go through with it.

My watch has been working for two and a half days in one go, but wants to be charged now. If I didn't use all of the functions all the time, it would last longer, but I kind of guessed it was gonna be like this. Most of my friends said they need to charge their ones daily and it does make sense, as it followes my breathing and heartbeat etc. And sometimes tells me to move and stretch etc. And it also gives me an update on my stress level, body battery etc. :D

I think I will do some stretching now before my sister is coming over, because I am quite sore from sitting and this run I did.

–

The evening was really nice. I had two glasses of wine, pasta was supergood. Cake was nice as well and I do think that the donut was even better. :D I really enjoyed my evening. I thought about making a separate post with the vegan cheeses, when I have tried making more things. I am not saying I will definitely do it, but maybe. :D At the moment I have this plan.

Today I am doing a one day challenge, which I think is a good idea, but at the same time so random. xD I just came up with it and thought why not. Besides I haven't done one day challenges recently.

Today I would also like to go for a run, but I don't know if I will. It depends on how tired I am after work. I will probably also walk home, so I don't even know what time I get there.

I started listening an audiobook called Everything, Everything, as I have seen the movie and I really liked it. It has been really nice until now, I will listen to some more while I am going home. At the same time I played it for two hours last night and fell asleep while listening to it, so now I need to find where I left off. I just couldn't keep my eyes open and it seemed like a good idea at the time. :D

I have so many books I am reading at once, but I can't help it. :D I can't finish one, because I feel like reading another etc. Anyone else like this?

Anyway yeah... I haven't stayed up too long now again, even though on Saturday I think I was awake until midnight even. Didn't do anything, but time just passed very fast. And then I got to sleep a bit longer on Sunday (meaning I woke up only at 9!) and I had a really nice slow morning.

In general I am pleased with my watch and I recommend it to others. Easy to use, comfy, looks good and I like the app too. :)

Like, I have never had any problems with my appetite. Even when I was very sick, I still ate quite big portions and finished every night off with a dessert. And I have never understood people who say thy are not hungry in the morning and have to wait a little bit (like my best friend :D). Because I am like... give me food and right now.

And then it was Saturday morning where I couldn't even stand the thought of food. Knowing I have to have breakfast literally made my stomach turn.

I still made myself porridge with strawberries and it was really good, considering I have been having yoghurt bowls as breakfast for most of the days recently. But I was just so tired of eating. I ate really fast and it was the same with lunch - I made scrambled eggs with mushrooms and sundried tomatoes, also had some cherry tomatoes and the side and poured everything over with ketchup and mayo. I wasn't hungry at all. Me. Not hungry. I really wondered what had happened.

I didn't understand it when my friend said that she is tired of eating, but on Saturday I felt it too. I just couldn't be bothered. But I did. I had some Marianne (choco mint) candies and thought that damn, I have to make something again in the evening.

On Sunday, however, I felt really hungry. So then I ate even more. I just felt like I was eating and eating and eating and eating all the time. And even when I am full, I still keep eating. Because, I don't know. I am used to this. I am Signe, I have to eat a lot. And I want to eat a lot. At the same time I do and don't? Like, I have an appetite, but I am not hungry but then I am and it is really confusing.

It is nice that people don't worry about me. I am actually happy when someone tells me I look good. At the same time I kind of still want to be the one who is told that "you need to eat more". This would be like... a legitimate reason for having another portion or something.

Yeah, all in all it has been a confusing weekend. I haven't done anything, I didn't even go for a walk on Saturday. It just... I am feeling really depressed? On Sunday I had so many dark thoughts and then I couldn't breathe normally and I wondered if I should call my doctor or what. And then I understood I just had panic. I haven't had this in a while, so I couldn't name it. But when I understood I had a small panic attack, it made me feel a little bit better. At least I could get behind it. This didn't really help though, because I had no idea what to do to feel better.

I haven't done any studying, which is a shame. Time goes by and I am still here, doing nothing.

On Tuesday I have my first appointment with a new psychologist, I dunno. It kind of makes me anxious, but I need to talk to someone and right away, especially considering my thoughts this weekend. For real, my mental pain is so big I seriously wanted to hurt myself. I considered taking all of my meds at once to get rid of this. Of course I didn't do it, because I don't want to hurt people around me, but this feeling is just so overwhelming, painful, scary, awful, uncomfortable, disgusting, confusing, complicated.

I could have called someone and talked, but I didn't want to do that. I just wanted it to stop.

Now some time has passed, it is Sunday afternoon and I think I feel a little bit better. But at the same time I don't know when it all may flip again.

I am just tired, so damn tired. From eating. Being. Thinking.

For quite some time things have been going well. Everything has been okay. Can't really complain. I have had enough motivation, so this is not the problem. But now this weekend was such a trainwrack, I can't even analyze it.

So I came here to tell a few things. I don't want to scare anyone, make people panic or say that see, you can't be happy. There just are some moments like this, can't help it. Even mentally stable people have more difficult times, especially right now.

I don't know what else to say, so I thought I will write about a book that I read. Wintergirls.

I haven't read in English for quite some time, it was nice. It went really fast. And I hate but like the book at the same time.

It is about a girl, who has anorexia and who'se best friend was a bulimic. Was. Because at the beginning of the book she dies. And then the story follows the anorexic girl and how she handles life.

And she doesn't handle it well, not at all.

I didn't really recognize myself in the book. Maybe a little, when she didn't want to get better, because I didn't for a long time either. I still think about it sometimes and regret it. I miss the hospital. I miss boney, small Signe that can hide easily. Yep, I still miss her. I have been on this path of recovery properly for about half a year. I don't know how long it will take until I didn't miss the illness anymore... will I ever be over it completely?

Anyway this book then. Tells a story about daily struggles. Difficulties. Confusion. Add best friend's death and you get a pretty depressing story. But I kind of liked it. It had beautiful descriptions, it was very detailed. It was eyeopening and difficult read. And for people who are still struggling a lot, it would probablt be really triggering. So yeah, if you want to read it, think about where you are mentally. If you are in a safer place already, then go ahead.

I don't want to tell the ending or anything, but... it was interesting. And it wasn't like in a fairy tale, it was hard.

It was eye opening in a sense that I am not that familiar with bulimia and it talked a lot about it. Educating, maybe. I don't know, this book caused a lot of confusion in me, but I couldn't put it down, so I read it within two days. :D I haven't read as much as I have been doing recently for ages. I wish I could study more as well, haven't done that.

I still feel quite bad. I thought that writing my emotions out hel, but nope. I am in a weird trap here, and can't decide what to do. I can't be bothered to exercise. I don't want to study. I am too lazy to watch something. I don't want to read any more. I just cannot be bothered with anything. I would like to take a nap, but I know I don't fall asleep during the day. Oeh, this life thing is difficult.

It is really nice outside, I could go for a run. But I don't want to. The thought of putting on workout clothes really makes me panicy. I also haven't turned on the TV today, because my thoughts are so loud and I don't want to add this to it.

A new week is coming. I should do a challenge. I actually really wanted to do a running one, and went for a run for two days, but then the rain and snow came and ruined everything. Now my streak is over and I feel like it is pointless to go. Missed two days already, why would I go again. Stupid. I don't have to think all or nothing. But I do. Argh, it really annoys me.

Communication with myself is really difficult. It was the same last night. I put on a yoga video - five minutes later I stopped. Tried to work out - did one exercise, and could no more. Then I looked for some more videos, but they all seemed so pointless. Started and stopped. Started and stopped.

I want some excitement, I want life, I want travelling, I want something new and interesting. Something that has nothing to do with food. There should be another reason for existing, but sometimes I just can't see it. I am stuck again, thinking what normal people do during their free time. It is so fucking difficult. :(

I am looking at my running challenge posts, maybe I will add something here, because it is sad to just let it go unpublished. Maybe I will try again next week? I will see how the weather is.

So I did my first run after this one trial time and... it wasn't as nice as the previous one. It was quite cold outside and it started snowing in the middle of my run! I did not expect this, especially considering it was the 7th of April. I thought SOMETHING was going to come down, because when I hurried home, the sky was filled with dark clouds, but I thought it would be rain. So yeah, that was surprising.

So in the middle of the run I got snow in my eyes, the wind was super strong and it was awful. I still did 2,93 km round! I really hoped I would manage three, but yeah, not this time. I guess it was partly because I wanted to cross the street during the green light and really ran fast. I couldn't get into my normal rhytm after it, and I became super tired. Then I finished. Okay, I did some more jogging, as I was quite far from home still and I would have gotten really cold. I have a path of three km, which has been quite fine. I haven't grown tired of it yet. :D When I lived in the previous place, I was really annoyed with my round and I had to really switch my run up every day. So yeah, this area is still interesting for me.

I felt really good after the run. Did some more exercises at home too and then jumped under a hot shower. On the next day my muscles weren't sore at all, so it was nice. I did only few exercises, but combined with running it was enough.

Actually I think I shouldn't even call it running, because it is more like jogging slowly. My average pace was 6:17 minutes per km, which is really long. Considering I used to run in 5 or less. I don't really remember, but it was something like this. But this run was a bit faster than a precious one. :D By two seconds, but oh well.

Anyway, now you see why I need to ectivity watch! I want to follow my progress. Because really, for a moment I thought that I did one run, I should go again... but when I didn't go, I didn't feel bad! This is such a win for me. So now I am moving because I WANT to. Also before my run I had some cookies and it was nice fuel, got my sugar kick. :D

Also I don't set a rule that I HAVE to run this distance. I just run as much as I want to, feel like and can be bothered. Of course I don't stop after a few minutes, because I need to push myself a little, but I don't want to overtrain.

The weather was much nicer during my second run, even though it was really windy. I wanted to stop real bad. Besides I didn't go for a run right after getting home from work, I just chilled a little bit and it was much more difficult to make myself go outside.

I ran 3 km this time, yay!

The run itself was more difficult than the day before, even though I did it for a little longer. At least I didn't tire myself out too much and when the streetlight changed, I actually stopped and waited for it. I took a little break, it worked and my energy was better than yesterday.

And well, then the weather turned shit and there was no third, fourth, fifth run. Yeah, at the moment I am thinking that on Monday I have a new chance, but I don't know what the reality will be. I guess we will see what I post about next Monday.

Actually today for a third day I am doing another challenge, which may be a bit stupid, but I WANT to do it. Some people try out those morning routines where they wake up at 5 am, I am doing the exact opposite, haha. :D

I don't know, I always feel better in the evenings. Mornings depend on many things, but then it is downhill and evenings are good again. Today has been the same. Even though I still feel a bit iffy. Not looking forward to work week at all. I just want to have a long weekend, but during the weekend I am like "I don't have anything to do, everything is so depressing". I just don't know.

I should check when I took my vacation. I think it was at the end of May, if I am not wrong. I just want to go to a forest or just hike all day. Or disappear for that time. Be a ghost and just stalk on people, because my own life just feels disgusting at the moment. Õõõõõh. 

I apologize for complaining so much. I just thought I am honest and will write about what is going on in my head. So today is a bit weird one. Don't worry, everything is okay though. It will get better. If everything goes to shit, there has to be a time where stuff gets better again, right?

I have a feeling that finally this month I have tried more new things. At least in some part. Yoghurts and such is really common, but I have tried to pay attention to my choices and pick various ingredients. I am proud of myself. And I have already marked down some new things I want to try next month. This month has been very hummus-heavy, but there are new ones out in the market and I had to try them all. :D I have already discovered new favourites, so this is good.

On another day I got a parcel from Globus to celebrate Easter, and it was soooo sweet. I am planning to make chickpea-rice-coconut milk stew on one day now, it sounds like it could be amazing. :D It was really nice to get this parcel and it made my day a lot better. They always have a cute message with their parcels. :) I used Globus' products a lot every day, because they are just so quick and easy. When I don't have anything, I can still make veggie chilli with beans, a stew or something else. :D They even have canned beetroot and I have made several beetroot risottos thanks to this.

My weight is going up and this is scary. My last post was really positive and motivated, but now... it is a different story. I just feel physically so uncomfortable and it is annoying, I don't know what to do really. I know that I need to still gain some, but it is happening so fast? I haven't changed my eating habits recently, my weight was steady for some time, where is it running to now? It is really scary to be honest. I am really annoyed at myself. On some days I am fine with it, but on other days I really struggle.

At the same time I started a new challenge and this hopefully helps. It is a seven day one, so we shall see how I handle it. :D I hope to manage it well, but we shall see.

My mum is also coming to Tallinn now to celebrate Easter. We were thinking about going out in the nature and do a Signe Restaurant (they call my flat like this, because I always cook for them, haha :D). Of course it will be accompanied by a bottle (or two) of wine and a lot of snacks. Now when I am having especially difficult time, of course... but at the same time social events, damily time, chatting, eating, enjoying life > anxiety that it causes. Besides I KNOW it will be fun. I just can't really understand this so yeah... I am in a bit difficult position at the moment.

I have a birthday coming soon! A little more than a month to go. I hope the lockdown is eased by then and I can call some peoplr over. Would be nice. I have also wondered about what I want for my birthday and right now I have settled for an air frier. It seems like a good thing for someone living alone and I would probably use it every single day. There are so many good recipes online and I want to try them all out. Even though my kitchen is already pretty small and soon it won't have any room left :D But we will manage!

Then I also want to get a proper smartwatch. Not to see how many calories I burn or something, but I just want to analyze things like my rest, get better notifications and so one. Also, maybe a little for calories as well. I just would like to know what is my BMR. To show myself that I can eat plenty. At the moment I have a really old Xiaomi Mi Fit, which is fine, but it is sooooo unregular. My favourite functions is that it vibrates when there is a call, message or app notification. And the fact that I can set it as my alarm. It is much better to wake up to it than to a full blown alarm clock.

Recently I am really sleepy all the time. Even without taking my medication, my eyes fall shut around 9 and I can't do anything. Every evening I think of staying up late, wanting to study or read or something, but as 9 o'clock hits, I am completely offline. Also recently I have had these night sweats again, which is really annoying. I didn't have them for some time and I was already hopeful that they won't return. Oh well.

Okay, I will tell a little about the new vegan products I tried last month. I got this idea from a YouTuber, who does these kind of videos.

Täistera ampsukas sibula ja paprikaga (Wholewheat bread with onion an paprika)

I know writing about bread may be weird, but this was such a good discovery I just have to share it. It is heavenly! Can't really taste the paprika, but there is deffinitely some onion. They have another one as well, with thyme and garlic, which I would also like to try. But I hate thyme, so I don't know if I dare. :D But for this bread, I will give 7/10.

Alpro barista sojapiim (Alpro barista soy milk)

I hadn't tried this one before, but it was on sale and I decided to pick it up. I think just drinking it, it's very similar to regular milk. But I like when my milk adds something to the coffee as well. Generally it was alright, but not as good as their barista almond milk. 6/10.

Now a few days later I can add that I have gotten used to the taste and it is fine. At first I did think of pouring it down the sink, but my tastebuds adjusted.:D I will still go back to Estonian own brand oat milk though.

Alpro vanilje jogurt (Alpro vanilla yoghurt)

This was really good! I found it from Selver, as someone suggested. I really liked it. Not too sweet and perfect for my regular yoghurt bowl. But I will still stick to my soy yoghurt I think, it is cheaper and nice. But if this happens to be on a sale, I would definitely get it again. 9/10, really nice.

Oa ja paprika hummus (Bean and paprika hummus)

Oooo, finally one that tries to win over my current favourite. This was really good, salty enough and just perfect. I should make this kind of thing myself, it doesn't seem that difficult. I have a lot of beans at home and paprika is nice. This is, I think, also on first place now. I would even go as far as to give it 10/10.

Which is your favourite hummus? There are many I still haven't tried, like Rimi own store brand ones. I should do that. My favourite snack is two bell peppers, one cucumber, a box of cherry tomatoes and then I eat it all with hummus, sooo good!

Friendly Vikings vanilje kaerajogurt (Friendly Vikings vanilla oat yoghurt)

I was so excited to try this... and it was a let down. It was just too bland. Texture was nice though. I didn't like it as much as Alpro vanilla one, for sure. But well, it did the trick. The price is quite high, but I got it on sale. So I was like okay, I am going to try this. I also have a mango one and I hope it is better. :D For this, I will give it 6/10, it wasn't a complete fail.

Friendly Vikings mango kaerajogurt (Friendly Vikings mango oat yoghurt)

This... was also pretty pointless. It wasn't sweet, which is kind of a plus, but if you have it as a snack, it is missing something. I like Alpro mango yoghurt a lot more. It was okay in a yoghurt bowl, but I wouldn't get it again. Vanilla one was better and this gets 5/10.

Leiburi Rukkipala idandatud rukkiteradega (Rye bread with sprouted rye)

I have never liked this brand and unfortunately I didn't enjoy this as well. The only positive is that slices are really thin so you can taste the spread or whatever you are having on it, better. I think it is nice to get new products, and it was okay as toasted, but just plain it was... not very good. Too dry. 3/10.

Gourmet Club tomati ja basiilikuga hummus (Gourmet Club tomato and basil hummus)

Another brand one is better. But this was good as well! It tastes like this weird meat spread we used to have on bread when we were kids. Favourite of mine from Gourmet Club. It is also bigger than regular ones, having 200 g instead of 150 g. But I used it up too soon, it was the only minus. :D 8/10

Vegan Gourmet sametine kõrvitsa hummus (Vegan Gourmet smooth pumpkin hummus)

From the first moment I was IN LOVE. Honestly. I feel like all the hummus(es?) I try are just getting better and better and it is difficult to pick a favourite. This was really nice and silky and I really liked it, it also had some salt which was a plus. 9/10.

Vegan Gourmet pisut piprane punase oa määre (Vegan Gourmet a bit spicy red bean spread)

This honestly wasn't as good as the pumpkin hummus, but still pretty close. When the hummus fit well with vegetrables, this I would have on bread. Really recommend though! 8/10.

DOMINO küpsis virsiku-vaarikamaitselise kreemiga (Domino cookie with peach-raspberry cream)

This had been in my drawer for such a long time, as I was too scared to try it. I have never been a fan of these cream cookies like Oreos, but this was pretty good to be honest. Nice fresh and sweet. I think I like the regular one more, but this was alright. I will definitely eat rest of the pack. :D 7/10.

Vegan Gorumet siidine peedihummus (Vegan Gourmet silky beetroot hummus)

I think this is the first beetroot hummus where I can actually taste beetroot. I really liked it! Vegan Gourmet things are amazing, I will definitely keep buying them. It is also better size, 200 grams. :D PErfect for me. But yeah, for this I would give 8/10.

Breyersi vegan jäätis pekaanpähkli ja karamelliga (Breyers vegan ice cream with pecan and caramel)

I had gotten out of habit having those low calorie ice creams, but I really wanted to try the vegan one. Their chocolate hazelnut vegan one is AMAZING. But this was a disappointment. Quite bland, if I am honest. Definitely not worth the money. 4/10, wouldn't muy again.

Sojapallid (Bon Soya soy chuncks)

I used them on pizza and I was really wondering if they are okay or something. My best friend also tried them and said that she is not used to the texture. I wasn't bothered by it and I think it tasted fine. :D I think I need to add more soy products into my menu, at the moment I don't use much of them. Mostly just tofu... but this was really good! I imagine you could make a nice pasta sauce with it, also you could make it into a burger or why not meatball soup. 8/10.

Vegeplus chilli võileivakate (Vegeplus chilli vegan cheese)

I really liked it on a pizza. Even though it really got stuck into my braces, but this is my own problem. :D My sister and best friend also had it and they didn't complain, so it was fine. It was positive it had chilli in it, added a nice spice. I got it from the vegan subscription box and well, it was perfect. I liked it more than their regular "cheese" (which was also okay). 9/10, one of the best vegan cheeses I have tried!

Tere taimne karamellipuding (Tere caramel pudding)

It was fine, but I liked chocolate one more. But it was really good as a dessert, so I can't really complain. My friend said she had it with an apple and that it was a perfect combo, I can see that. Not my favourite as a plain pudding. 6/10.

Gluteenivaba braunisegu (Gluten free brownie mix)

This was another product I got from the subscription box. I really liked it, though I think I should have kept it in the oven for 5 minutes less. It was actually very difficult to make. I have a gas oven. And I had set the gas level too low, so it just sat in the oven for an hour. I finally realised that there was no flame and managed to make it in the end. I served it with mint-chocolate ice cream (not vegan) and strawberries. Anyway, it was amazing and I couldn't say it was gluten free. 6/10. It is perfect for when a guest unexpectedly comes. I just needed to add some vegan butter and oatmilk.

Vegan Gourmet tummine põldoa määre (Vegan Gourmet hearty bean spread)

This... is another favourite? At first I looked at the ingredients and it had cellery in it, which I hate, but I couldn't taste it and it was really good. I have been really happy with all of their products, can't even pick a favourite. :D 9/10.

Anyway yes, quite a lot of new things. :D I follow this vegan group on facebook and some accounts in instagram who post about vegan products and as soon as I see something, I really want to try it. Like it was with this Breyers new ice cream. Travelled for an hour to get it (and it wasn't worth it at all). But yes, sometimes vegan products are just SO GOOD, I can't lie. I should do another month long vegan challenge (or why not even a longer one), but yeah. Still need to eat all of the non vegan stuff I have at home. :D

Then I have also been thinking about getting a vegan protein powder. There are so many good recipes with it and I know a lot of people use them. I eat a lot of carbs and I should pay more attention to protein, so I will think about it a little. If you can recommend me something, go ahead. Leave me a comment, write to me on twitter or instagram or something. :D

I hope my weekend will be nice (or at least okay) and things will get easier again.

If you figure that out, let me know. It is sooo difficult to write this post, because I have no idea what I want to say. Just - I am soooo tired.

Of this corona thing. Sitting at home. Of work. Boredom. Lack of motivation. Pointlessness. Weight. Food. Thoughts. Life. Of everything.

I honestly thought that this thing would be over by now, but haahaaa yea right. I thought I am introvert enough to handle the situation, but right now I am begging you - please give me a real life person to talk to from face to face. At least it has been nice going to work, can see people occasionally. Though for the last few days I have been here alone as well...

But during the weekend I watched TWO! movies. Me! Yes, I didn't watch all of them in one go, but it was still a huge accomplishment. I will write more about them towards the end of this post.

Other than that, things have been... difficult. Weight is going up, this is scary. I have reached a new first number. Now only 4 more kilos to go and I am at the normal weight range. Sounds unreal.

Yesterday I went through some pictures, because I wanted to get some printed out in order to put them into my scrap book, and... I don't know, I felt two things at once. On one end, I felt sad, because I really looked horrible. It was weird to watch the pictures. But comparing myself then and now, I feel fat. Yep.

But like... who am I thin for anyway? What is the use of being underweight? I still don't get my period, which is a huge sign that my health is not okay, I would like to get them back, thank you. :D Yep, I WANT to! :D I have even dreamed about them starting again. xD Okay, this is probably too much information, but whatever. Considering what I have written here, this is definitely the worst thing, haha.

My best friend was offended over the fact that I don't mention her a lot, so here is a shoutout. She was actually the one who made me want to go to the office and pay more attention to how I look. Maybe tomorrow I even PUT MASCARA ON! :D I don't feel like doing other make up, because it is pointless when you are wearing a mask, but I think it would be a nice boost. To feel better. I now understand people who do make up simply for themselves. I have always thought it is something you do for others, but it is not like that at all.

On Saturday I went for a walk with a friend and her daughter and it was so nice. Could finally talk to another adult, it was amazing. What I also discovered was the fact that I didn't think about food at all. In general recently I have thought about it less. Well, sometimes I still get an odd thought about what to have for lunch or dinner and oh I should eat something, but I am not constantly thinking about food. Like I managed to pay attention to the movies I watched and didn't need to eat something at the same time. Also I have paid more attention to if I am actually hungry vs I just want something to snack on. Most of the time I just want something, but I am physically full. I just like the act of eating? Maybe it makes no sense, but yeah. Anyway, I like eating so much that I won't fall back into my ED. I could never give up food again. :D Anyway, I feel like I am close to becoming just Signe, instead of a Signe with an eating disorder. :)

Haven't seen my sister in a while, because she is super busy, but I would like to see her. I am still thinking about ordering takeaway, but I want to do it with someone. We shall see if I am successful. Like there is another pizza place near me I would like to try, and they have several vegan options. And I think it is important to support food places during this time when everything is closed.

Maybe tomorrow I will try and watch another movie. There is Fat Front in Huum TV, which people have recommended to me. Also, I will look forward to your suggestions.

I really wanted to do another 24 h challenge before posting today, but I didn't manage to. No good ideas. I should really look up some inspiration and do something by Friday, as this is the main thing with my blog. Challenges. I will try and come up with something today. Oh, I got a thought but... I need to think more about it. :D I need something that can be done during the day as well.

I did think about trying some Tiktok hacks, for example this feta pasta or something, but I don't knooow. I don't really have any idea about Tiktok. Also yesterday I wanted to make baked oatmeal, but my pan is too big for it. I shall see if I can come up with something and if not, there is the final episode of Expensive calories coming out on Wednesday. :D I can always review that.

Planted some things! This picture is about a week old, currently they are two times as big. So exciting. I need to come up with a way to put them onto balcony though. But the window sills there are too narrow, so post of the pots don't fit... Also at the moment it is still too cold to put them there anyway. I will come up with something for sure.

This is something similar to Romaine, seems exciting. I also planted some red leaf beetroot, which I thought will not start growing, but now it has! Now I just need to remember to water them occasionally.

I wish the snow melted already, it is so muddy outside and it is making me depressed. It was such a nice weather a few weeks ago, I want it back!

I have worked out at home properly, though my exercises last only about 20-25 minutes still. But currently I believe it is enough. My muscles aren't sore anymore, or maybe just a little. I have added some exercises as well. For example if I used to do 10 squars, then now I am doing 15 and so on. It feels nice. And it seems to be working.

Anyway, here are the two movies I watched:

First one was Holidate, original by Netflix. And it was really nice and chill to watch. I didn't even feel like starting a movie, I just saw what was out there and it seemed interesting. So I played it. It was nice to forget about life for a couple of hours and just mindlessly watch this. :D I also thought that myabe I would need a holidate as well, haha :D. Anyway, yes, I recommend it. 7,5/10.

I also finally watched To All The Boys Always and Forever meaning the third film in the series. And it was sooo cute. :D I don't like the part in movies where everything goes to shit, but this was easier than I expected. :D Even though I did write to my best friend saying that I can't continue watching without knowing what is going to happen. :D I really wanted to skip to the end. But I didn't do it. 8/10, really nice young people movie and it made me miss high school.

At the moment I am watching this Expensive calories show and enjoying almond-orange ice cream with cranberry jam. It is really good. I haven't even become frustrated over the show as I am enjoying this so much. I will also have some grapes, in addition to dinner.

Ew they had to cut up a RABBIT in the forrest. It is awful. No wonder they didn't take the vegan girl with them. I would have been like the one girl who hid herself in the tent from the mosquitos. I am surprised they didn't talk about eating the bugs, haha. Bugs supposedly have a lot of protein.

It waas so stupid to bring the fridge with all the good snacks into the forrest. Whatever they come upt with, haha. :D I think that I have a lot of snacks a home. Like ice cream, chocolate, candies, cookies etc. But the fact that I KNOW I can have them, actually helps me to make better decisions. You won't crave for the bad stuff, if you know you are allowed to have it if you want. Restriction like this is not good and it doesn't help!

I already forgot that I have made this post each month so I think maybe there are a few products I have missed, but I have been trying to keep this list up to date. I tried to remember, if there was anything else, but I couldn't.

So even though there is quite a few of new products this month, I still decided to post it. :D I hope someone finds good stuff to try here. I think it is good to show how many vegan products there are and how easy it is to change your diet.

With the challenges I wonder if there are some habits you would like to get rid of. Or something you would like to try? I have been trying to come up with challenges that don't deal with food recently.

At the moment I will be doing:

- writing own creation stuff

- doing a split (it is such a random challenge, but I saw a really good video on it)

- drawing challenge

- drinking water challenge

- social medai free challenge

But now it is time to review the vegan products:

Auga seenesupp (mushroom soup)

I am still surprised I used to hate mushrooms! This soup was pretty good, but I don't think I will get it again. Pretty average, 5/10. It needed more seasoning and spices, but if you made it at home and added something, it would be amazing, I am sure. At least it was nice and warm.

Alpro mandlijogurt (Alpro almond yoghurt)

I got two containers of it, because they were on sale. :D But... it wasn't as good as I hoped it would be? But I liked it more than I like Alpro soya yoghurt, that's for sure. It is not as sour. I will definitely eat it all though and I really will enjoy it. It is not worth the money (especially when it is full price). But I really liked it so I would give it an 8 out of 10. And when I see a sale, I will definitely buy more of it.

My recent obsession is yoghurt bowl for breakfast, so these won't go to waste. :D I would also like to try Alpro vanilla yoghurt. I will test it when I find it.

India mango ja karriga hummus (Indian style hummus with mango and curry)

I enjoyed it. It was mild and rather sweet, but I couldn't taste real hummus at all, which I missed. But it was nice for a change, especially if you wan't something milder. Doesn't beat my favourites though, I would give it 6,5/10. I had it with vegetables, but I don't know, it would be pretty good in a salad with rice and stuff like this.

Naturli šnitsel (Naturli vegan schnitsel)

Omg. I really thought it would be dry and tense, but it was the complete opposite! Nice and soft and really reminded me of normal schnitsel. I was really surprised. I don't know why it took me so long to try this, because their sausages are also amazing. Anyway, this is such a good thing to have in the freezer! I really recommend and give it 10/10!

Tere taimne šokolaadipuding (Tere vegan chocolate pudding)

In general I am not a fan of puddings, but I sometimes do get it. Price for this was good, even though it is only 125 grams, which is sooo little. :D But the taste was good and I liked it more than normal puddings. But it doesn't beat Japanese ones, I have lost hope to get it in Estonia. :D Anyway, nice sweet bite. 6/10.

KOKO jogurt (KOKO yoghurt)

I went to this one huge supermarket and I was convinced I wouldn't get vegan yoghurt from there. But to my surprise, they had this. I made my normal yoghurt bowl with it and... I didn't like it. It was really bland and thick (I like soya yoghurt more, as it is a little sour). But I think it would do well as sour cream replacement, so for that I would get it again. Does the job. 5/10.

Valio Oddygood kaeravahepala maasika ja põldmarjaga (Oddlygood oat yoghurt with strawberries and blackberries)

I think this is one of my favourite yoghurt replacements! Really real and a good hint of berries as well. It is quite sweet, so you could have it as a snack in addition to a yoghurt bowl. I really recommend trying it, it was such a nice surprise. I have another flavour of this and I think it won't be a letdown either. 8/10. I have a feeling that I wasn't a huge fan of yoghurts before, but vegan yoghurts are changing my mind. :D Like I only buy unflavoured vegan yoghurts thesedays. I think they are so much better. It is interesting to mention that I had coffee with normal milk at work the other day and I absulutey HATED it. I will keep drinking my oat milk. :D

Hommikuhelbed Cookie Rings (Breakfast cereal Cookie Rings)

I thought these were going to be hard and had to soak for a long time before I could enjoy them. But they are really airy and soft and perfect. Doesn't get soggy fast as well, probably one of my favourite cereals. :D I am really obsessed with them. Had a half of the bag at once and had no regrets. 8/10.

Alpro india pähkli jook (Alpro cashew milk)

I have tried this before as well, butt haven't written about it. This is probably one of my favorute milk alternatives. It is really nice, creamy and it doesn't have an aftertaste. I had it with cereal and it was amazing. I am used to having oat milk with my coffee, but this goes well too. Definitely better than normal milk, haha. :D 8/10.

Valio OddlyGood kaeravahepala vaarika ja mustikaga (OddlyGood oat yoghurt with raspberry and blueberry)

I really liked this one, even more than the other. Proper yoghurt taste. Texture was a bit weird, but not offputing. Really nice. Not too sweet either. I recommend. :D 8/10 for sure.

Midagi head punapeedikotletid (Beetroot burgers)

I tried pea-cabbage burgers from the same brand, but they were way too dry. So I wasn't too hopeful. But they were amazing! Juicy and tasty and really good for a quick dinner. At the same time they are not by favourite beetroot burgers. But in general 8/10.

In March I will try and have more new vegan things, because there are loads in the stores!