I Won't Quote

Because who isn't stressed at the moment, am I right... Stressed due to the corona thing, vaccination thing or waiting for it, being in a lockdown, working from home and so on. This list is endless. Last time I saw my psychologist she also said that mental struggles are very high at the minute and it is not only me who feels like this. So this is normal.

Last spring I wrote about things to do when you are stuck at home, but I thought maybe another list would be useful. Just to remind them. As I have with my ED - I need to talk it out sometimes. And then listening to what you yourself are saying helps to put things into perspective. And sometimes talking to someone else also helps.

How did my weekend go? Well, my best friend came over and we had some food and drinks and watched a movie. And it was amazing. During the wole evening I didn't even think about food, talking was more important, also watching the movie. and yeah, we were talking about old times and watched some kpop videos... oh gosh I remember these times. :D We were HUGE fans. Like, really huge. God, I even went to London to attend a kpop concert and saw BEAST, 4minute and Gina. :D I have done many things in this life. Weird to think back. We watched some kpop videos and picked our favourite members and tried to guess each other's. It was fun. Oh yeah, I was talking about eating.

We had sweet potato fries, then veggies with dip... I also made brownies and we enjoyed it with mint-chocolate ice cream and strawberries. And I had some wine and my best friend had mojitos. And... yes, I ate more than I would have on a normal day. I had proper breakfast and dinner as well. And then the next morning came and I was ready to face the guilt. But like... they didn't come. Nada. A huge ass zero. Okay, I don't want to jinx it. I made some waffles as a brunch and we had them with nutella and fruit and berries. I looked forward to my guilt. And they still didn't came. Now my friend has gone home and I went to the store, had my third cup of coffee and THE GUILT IS STILL NOT HERE. I haven't done my exercise routine yet and I don't think I will do it today, because I am super tired. We turned the clocks and missed an hour.

• 

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And I am not bothered.

I also walked way less today, maybe only have about 2000 steps and I just don't care. I don't even want to think about food or talk about it. I got some apple juice from the store. Because I just felt like it. I didn't even check the calories, because I didn't care. And this feeling is SO FUCKING FREEING. I kept repeating this to my best friend. I kept going like heyyyy something is wrong, where is my guilt?! Where?! Did they perhaps went into the wrong flat? My neighbour is drilling, maybe they are there? I don't know, this is a complete mystery to me.

(Okay, adding this on Monday morning I have to admit I have gotten some guilt. :S So things are not as well as I thought they are, but my weekend was still good. At the moment my weight has gone up a lot again and I have a thought that tells me my shirt is a bit too tight and I should restrict a bit. One candy less or how about we don't have these cookies today?)

And a few days ago I had a complete mental breakdown over three cookies. What is happening? Why are they not coming when I expect them? Why do they come up to me without a reason? Like, go back where you came from, that would be amazing.

I don't know, I don't think I am healed yet. I looked myself in the mirror and thought that hell, my thighs have gone so fat. And then I went and donated my pants, because they were too tight. I don't care. What is the point of holding on to them. I can enjoy new clothes, that's nice! A reason to shop. Even though at the moment you can't really do that. But luckily I have some extra pants I have bought to grow into, so I am not really bothered by it. Today feels EASY. I have this weird calm feeling in me. It was nice to rest, do nothing, just lay on the couch, pet the cat, watch some YouTube, talk a bit and just chill. It really helped with my stress levels and I know I can face the next week now. I don't want to jinx it, but I have felt like... a normal human?! this is absurd, but ohmygooood it shows that things DO get better. And they will. Once you let go of the control.

I have taken a massive leap, I could cry. Tears of joy. I am so tired of dealing with the ED subjects. Yes, I like food, cooking, recipes, new products and so on, but it is not an obsession any more. I don't open a store homepage every morning to check what new things they have in stock. :D I am not thinking about my next meal constantly. :D I do not care what others have eaten. Okay, sometimes I still feel awful when someone mentions in the evening that "oh, I haven't eaten anything today", because I feel like I shouldn't have eaten as well then, but it doesn't linger. PEOPLE, WE CAN DO THIS. It is possible to get well. I am that example!! I am finally #goals. I repeat myself, I am not 100% well yet. I still haven't reached the normal weight and yeah, maybe it seems super easy and I feel so motivated, but I STILL have hard time someteimes. But I kind of want to show you that it is possible. Like, a year or even half ago I was in the rock bottom. Now things are so much more normal. I am almost normal!

But what to do when stress is too much? What do I do when I need to distract myself from food guilt or just other stuff? I will make a list, maybe there are some good ideas...

If I had written this post last week, it would have been super depressing, because I had so many emotions and I just felt like I wanted the world to end. It just felt disgusting. Life itself. It felt awful both physically and mentally. But now I am feeling a lot better as you can understand probably.

1. I read. At the moment I am reading three books in Estonian, and I am reasing them all at once. I like to change it up a bit. Also, I am liiking forward to book recommendations. I do have a Goodreads account as well, you can add me as a friend there!

2. I study. I have tried doing something every single day, but I have skipped a few. But whenever I walk to the store or something, I repeat stuff I have read in my head. To make it stick better. At the moment I am doing the basic courses in law, and I think things will get more exciting later. But I need to start somewhere.

3. I watch YouTube. Maybe I should write down some of my favourite channels? I have been thinking making a whole separate post about them though, I have it in my drafts somewhere.

4. I study a language. If you know English (haha, if you are reading this, you probably do), I highly recommend Duolingo. I picked Japanese at the moment, because I feel like I want to get back into it. First lessons are way too easy for me, but it is good, because I feel like I progress so much :D I haven't been studying for long, because I am focusing more on university stuff.

5. I talk to people. For example usually on Saturday or Sunday I walk around for a bit and call my mum. It has become a little tradition for us. She even said she keeps her phone near her on those days. And then I have also CALLED my friends. Also to my foreign frends, because my English is so rusty and I need to practice. :D

6. I go for walks. The weather is so nice recently and I don't want to sit at home all day. I should find my earphones and listen to music or something. I do not listen to any podcasts at the moment, I am just over them somehow. I used to listen to a lot of ED podcasts, but I don't care as much about it any longer, so I lost my interest in them. I just don't care. There are so many other things to spend my time on.

7. I look at pretty pictures. In pinterest or Tumblr. Yep, I am not ecen shamed. I am making moodboards on Pinterest and I look at the pictures about home decor and travelling etc. And then I am thinking that one day it is like this etc. And tumblr also has some nice pictures. I mostly follow travelling and food tags.

8. I write a blog.This is sometimes really nice and calming thing to do, especially when your mind is going crazy and you just want to rant. I don't think it is right for everyone, but it is nice to write things down. You can also do it in a personal jpurnal. I also scrapbook, which I find really relaxing. I stick a lot of photos into it.

9. I cook. Lately I have been trying out new recipes and I have some things I need to use up. Also, I have baked those vegan brownies I mentioned earlier, once I made pizza, which I hadn't done for a while and now I am thinking that my friend got me those mini cake moulds, maybe I should make a personal cake for myself. :D

10. I watch movies. Yep, me! Like I saw the Fat Front a few days ago and with my best friend we watched two other movies from Netflix - Work It and Feel The Beat. Both of them were nice. I thought about writing about them a bit more, but I can't be bothered. Trailers are pretty accurate.

11. I visit my sister. I am super glad she lives so close to me! She doesn't really go out, because she is a teacher and gives classes from home. But yeah, I need some human connection and even if I just go over to have a cup of tea, it is soooo nice. Honestly, if I can't talk to people I feel like I am going mad. So much about me being an introvert...

12. I read additional information at work. I have a very specific work are and I have been discovering it a lot more lately. It is quite interesting.

13. I work out at home. I usually do them for about 20-25 minutes only, but I think it is enough for me. I like moving a little and this gives me so much nice energy. Ideally I would like to start running soon, but it is a bit too cold yet. And I need to get my shit together for this, hehe :D. Maybe I will try tomorrow if it is not raining and it feels nice outside?

I think this is it for now. A lot of reading and studying, but this is something I didn't really talk about last spring. So I brought them out here. To fill the time, there are a lot of other options as well still, like I used to write a story, filled my bullet journal, did some online shopping... I also clean at home a lot and it feels super nice. :D There are many things to do.

But yeah, I just wanted to talk my feelings out and explain what and how I have been doing. Now finishing this post on Monday morning I am not that positive or motivating any more, but well... it is understandable. It is Monday and all that. At least I am back at the office, because I just can't get anything done at home. Crazy. At home I kept thinking "I want to go home" xD. Wasn't the nicest. Also at work you can actually dress up properly and feel like a human, at home I just sat around in my PJs. Yes, I could have gotten ready at home as well, but who can be bothered.

But if you have any more ideas on what to do during this time, please let me know. I think that a burnout in the current situation is really relevant topic and I just wanted to shed some light on it. Like when I look at my sister and she is super stressed 24/7, I feel bad. She works all week, because in addition to her normal classes she has several big projects with Education Department of Estonia etc. It is cool, but it is also very tiring and time consuming. And other people don't have it easier either. Hospitals are overcrowded and everyone are working on somehow handling the situation and every day life.

If you want to vent, feel free to share it. I would love to share stories and tricks of others as well.

If you figure that out, let me know. It is sooo difficult to write this post, because I have no idea what I want to say. Just - I am soooo tired.

Of this corona thing. Sitting at home. Of work. Boredom. Lack of motivation. Pointlessness. Weight. Food. Thoughts. Life. Of everything.

I honestly thought that this thing would be over by now, but haahaaa yea right. I thought I am introvert enough to handle the situation, but right now I am begging you - please give me a real life person to talk to from face to face. At least it has been nice going to work, can see people occasionally. Though for the last few days I have been here alone as well...

But during the weekend I watched TWO! movies. Me! Yes, I didn't watch all of them in one go, but it was still a huge accomplishment. I will write more about them towards the end of this post.

Other than that, things have been... difficult. Weight is going up, this is scary. I have reached a new first number. Now only 4 more kilos to go and I am at the normal weight range. Sounds unreal.

Yesterday I went through some pictures, because I wanted to get some printed out in order to put them into my scrap book, and... I don't know, I felt two things at once. On one end, I felt sad, because I really looked horrible. It was weird to watch the pictures. But comparing myself then and now, I feel fat. Yep.

But like... who am I thin for anyway? What is the use of being underweight? I still don't get my period, which is a huge sign that my health is not okay, I would like to get them back, thank you. :D Yep, I WANT to! :D I have even dreamed about them starting again. xD Okay, this is probably too much information, but whatever. Considering what I have written here, this is definitely the worst thing, haha.

My best friend was offended over the fact that I don't mention her a lot, so here is a shoutout. She was actually the one who made me want to go to the office and pay more attention to how I look. Maybe tomorrow I even PUT MASCARA ON! :D I don't feel like doing other make up, because it is pointless when you are wearing a mask, but I think it would be a nice boost. To feel better. I now understand people who do make up simply for themselves. I have always thought it is something you do for others, but it is not like that at all.

On Saturday I went for a walk with a friend and her daughter and it was so nice. Could finally talk to another adult, it was amazing. What I also discovered was the fact that I didn't think about food at all. In general recently I have thought about it less. Well, sometimes I still get an odd thought about what to have for lunch or dinner and oh I should eat something, but I am not constantly thinking about food. Like I managed to pay attention to the movies I watched and didn't need to eat something at the same time. Also I have paid more attention to if I am actually hungry vs I just want something to snack on. Most of the time I just want something, but I am physically full. I just like the act of eating? Maybe it makes no sense, but yeah. Anyway, I like eating so much that I won't fall back into my ED. I could never give up food again. :D Anyway, I feel like I am close to becoming just Signe, instead of a Signe with an eating disorder. :)

Haven't seen my sister in a while, because she is super busy, but I would like to see her. I am still thinking about ordering takeaway, but I want to do it with someone. We shall see if I am successful. Like there is another pizza place near me I would like to try, and they have several vegan options. And I think it is important to support food places during this time when everything is closed.

Maybe tomorrow I will try and watch another movie. There is Fat Front in Huum TV, which people have recommended to me. Also, I will look forward to your suggestions.

I really wanted to do another 24 h challenge before posting today, but I didn't manage to. No good ideas. I should really look up some inspiration and do something by Friday, as this is the main thing with my blog. Challenges. I will try and come up with something today. Oh, I got a thought but... I need to think more about it. :D I need something that can be done during the day as well.

I did think about trying some Tiktok hacks, for example this feta pasta or something, but I don't knooow. I don't really have any idea about Tiktok. Also yesterday I wanted to make baked oatmeal, but my pan is too big for it. I shall see if I can come up with something and if not, there is the final episode of Expensive calories coming out on Wednesday. :D I can always review that.

Planted some things! This picture is about a week old, currently they are two times as big. So exciting. I need to come up with a way to put them onto balcony though. But the window sills there are too narrow, so post of the pots don't fit... Also at the moment it is still too cold to put them there anyway. I will come up with something for sure.

This is something similar to Romaine, seems exciting. I also planted some red leaf beetroot, which I thought will not start growing, but now it has! Now I just need to remember to water them occasionally.

I wish the snow melted already, it is so muddy outside and it is making me depressed. It was such a nice weather a few weeks ago, I want it back!

I have worked out at home properly, though my exercises last only about 20-25 minutes still. But currently I believe it is enough. My muscles aren't sore anymore, or maybe just a little. I have added some exercises as well. For example if I used to do 10 squars, then now I am doing 15 and so on. It feels nice. And it seems to be working.

Anyway, here are the two movies I watched:

First one was Holidate, original by Netflix. And it was really nice and chill to watch. I didn't even feel like starting a movie, I just saw what was out there and it seemed interesting. So I played it. It was nice to forget about life for a couple of hours and just mindlessly watch this. :D I also thought that myabe I would need a holidate as well, haha :D. Anyway, yes, I recommend it. 7,5/10.

I also finally watched To All The Boys Always and Forever meaning the third film in the series. And it was sooo cute. :D I don't like the part in movies where everything goes to shit, but this was easier than I expected. :D Even though I did write to my best friend saying that I can't continue watching without knowing what is going to happen. :D I really wanted to skip to the end. But I didn't do it. 8/10, really nice young people movie and it made me miss high school.

Oh boy, a lot has happened. USA presidential elections, corona is wild in Estonia, countries are going on a lockdown and so on. Can't really keep an eye on the stuff, so many happenings. Kind of scary not knowing what next days bring. But live and see I guess. At the moment it doesn't feel too unreal, like in spring, when I kept thinking I live in some kind of dystopian book.

How have you been keeping up? I know some people sat awake all night to see the election... I wouldn't do it myself, but I guess it would have been interesting with a group of friends. I kept my eye on Twitter, though Trump's sayings were really frustrating haha. :D

But anyway, what has happened to me? I am still waiting for my flat access, 19 days to go! I have seen some sofas, but I would like to see some more, as I haven't found "the one" yet. I just want to have all the things by when my parents are coming to help me move, because how am I supposed to get the sofa to fifth floor by myself (though some stores offer to help with that?). But yeah, a lot to do and get etc... and I need to change my address for my National Geographic order... which brings me to today's challenge:

I have never been big in reading magazines. My mum has one subscription and I have brushed through those when I have been at home, but I am not the one to read gossip magazines in general. I am not interested at all. The one my mum has though, has a lot of recipes and good stories, so this is different. Not about famous people.

But now for the last three months I have been subscribed to Estonian National Geographic. And I need to admit that I haven't really read them. So I thought it is about time to start doing this and maybe learn something new.

Monday

I was waiting for my bread to bake and I thought that okay, it is time to start reading. This month's articles were about coronavirus, and there are a lot of essays about environment, social life etc. Really interesting. I read mostly about what different countries have done to stop the spread.

I really like how NG is written. You can get a lot of knowledge without having to be a specialist. Articles are simple and interesting. Honestly, this hald an hour I had to wait for the bread went by really fast. It was a good change from reading a book too, you don't need to focus as much. You can just read one article at the time and that's that. So good.

In October's magazine there was a really interesting read about trafficking of children. It was really scary, but really opened my eyes. I think that if I finish with the November one, I will turn back to the previous ones and read them as well.

I remember that for the first time I read National Geographic in my high school English class. We had to pick an article and talk about it to other students. And already then I thought it was really interesting. So now when the publisher called me and asked if I wanted to get a subscription, I said yes. I also got a really interesting book for free, that is otherwise really expensive. :)

Every year I have come across the ad where they offer free magazines for two months if your birthday is in May. I have had one about science and another one of history, but National Geographic takes the cake, it is the most interesting.

Tuesday

Today I had so much to do that I didn't read anything at all. I finally went to the cinema to see Tenet and I really recommend it. :D Very confusing film, but it has a lot of scenes filmed in Tallinn and it is so unreal to see. And hearing Estonian! Anyway, all of Estonian people should go and see it at least once. :D I went to see it without knowing much, I just had heard that it was surreal and I had seen the trailer. Anyway yes, it was interesting.

I got home around 10 pm and I just wanted to go to bed right away (I ended up waiting for sleep until like 3 am, ugh), so I didn't have time to read. But I promised myself that I will read double on Wedensday. I am trying to think that this is not a failure, it is just a stumble. I don't want to quit this challenge simply because I fucked up one day. It is like this with everything. Even with an eating disorder - if you fuck up one day you just have to start again. It doesn't mean the challenge is pointless, not at all. You just start again or refocus and keep going.

Wednesday

Instead of pushing all the reading until later in the evening, I continued during my lunch break. At the moment I am reading an essay that talks about young people, around 18-25. About how their hopes and dreams an everything have kind of broken due to corona. A lot of people have just finished schools and it is difficult for them to find a job and start living their own life. Many countries are in a lockdown. Workfield is in crisis, there are a lot of debts and stuff going on.

I got really emotional reading this article and even almsot started to cry. :D But it was nice to read during my break, instead of trying to do work stuff which I usually do while eating.

Thursday

I again kept reading during my lunch break. This article was about economy and it's connection to coronavirus. How this has been really tough to environment and how there are some bad things coming money-wise. Crazy. It is so difficult for so many people, I felt really helpless reading it. But at the same time the article itself was really interesting. I wonder if these kind of essays help to deal with the situation that is about to come? I hope something can be done to ease the situation.

Friday

I again read during my lunch break. Article that I picked this time was really cool. There were mainly photographs by a Belgian artist. It showed the corona story, starting from old people's home to how they use even children's hospital rooms to treat this illness. The pictures were really raw and emotional.

I remember there was an exhibition in Tallinn about world's best press photos a few years ago where me and some of my friends went. It was powerful and interesting. I imagine in a few years these photos end up there as well.

I still ove reading NG, it goes so fast. Like, if I tried to read a book during my lunch break, it would take a lot more time to get into the mood. So yeah, a good challenge. It is kind of sad and tough, but interesting. You can understand better how situation is in different countries.

Today Estonia had a loooot of corona cases (241) and it kind of really threw me off. It is scary. I am not scared about getting sick, but rather making others sick if I happen to have it without symptoms. I really hope it won't happen.

At the moment we don't have to work from home, but they have said several times that it is not prohibited and if we want to, we can work gtom home. My sister has tough time too, there have been some cases at her school.

Saturday and Sunday

I kept reading. Last article that I completed was about how scientists are trying to find the cure and vaccination and how diffiult this whole thing is. Besides usually finding the cures or vaccines it has taken ages. Now they are trying to do it extremely fast.

And the instances where they have said there are possible positive outcomes have not reached far, because there is too little know about the virus. A lot of research has done on small group of people and it is not giving the scientists enough information.

I don't know if this post is about getting back into reading, or about corona. :D A bit of both. But yes, I got into the habit of reading again. I repeat - it is really nice to read something you don't have to focus on too much. And I am sure I am going to read the next numbers properly as well. Currently I haven't seen any boring articles at all. There are some that are "meh", but once I have gotten into them, they are interesting and well written.

For this week I have a food challenge, but I don't know how it will go. It may be a bit too difficult. :D We shall see.

I want  to do some other weekyl challenge, but I don't knowwww. At the moment I don't have any ideas. Or well, I have ideas, but I need to live alone for them. For example I really want to try completely vegan challenge at least for a week, but I can't do it with my sister. Because she doesn't agree with 100% vegan good and I really like cooking for us both. :D It is also easier, as there are usually no leftovers.

I should look up and start writing down some recipes I could do when I live alone. Like... one serving meals. At the same time my new place has a proper fridge and freezer, meaning I can freeze some of the leftovers, if I don't want to have the same thing the next day. Our current fridge is only big enough for one ice cream. :D

Anyway, let's see how it goes.

This week will be a challenge anyway, because it is my dad's birthday on Saturday and we are going to visit our parents with my sister. My dad said that he doesn't let us in if we bring a gift, but we are planning to make him a cookie cake. :D This is his favourite thing in the whole world. At one point it felt like he preferred Napoleon cake, but when we gave him a chance to pick what he likes the most, he voted for cookie cake.

What is the secret of our cookie cake? Cookies, curd cream, jam and it HAS to be topped with mandarines and chocolate. Mmmm, I want some already.

What I have already discovered is that I think I have become a biiiittt more flexible. Like on one evening I had more snacks than my sister. And then I don't follow the meal times so strictly any more. This is baby steps, but I see my progress.

So I guess this post had it all. A challenge and some food talk. I wonder what I am surprising you (and myself) on Friday.

I think I will make another week of not spending and will probably write about it. On the weekend I went to do some food shopping (and I even wore a mask) and bought everything I needed for a week. I got this really cool notebook from a friend, it is a bit like bullet journal, but you don't have to design it yourself. I have all of my designing things at work, so I started using this instead. Anyway, there are pages to plan out weekly meals so I started to work on it. I can say in advance that it was 35 euros to buy everything I need, which is pretty good. Also some of the stuff even lasts longer (like rice and porridge oats).



I thought for a long time what to write about today. Then someone recommended to write about 10 things to waste your time on during the isolation. I put it under my own spin and decided to write about what NOT to do in isolation. Besides, I wrote about what to do previously.

So...

1. Have a party - I don't think this needs an explanation. We need to be isolated. If you really need to have a party, have a face chat with friends and drink some wine. :D I have done it one time, without the wine though. You can see other people and talk for a bit, it really makes a difference.
2. Go shopping - currently most of the stores are not even open any more, so yeah. But out of boredom, you may find even food shopping interesting. I just want to say that this is currently not the best idea. I have had some arguments with myself abou going to the stores - I keep thinking I want this and that, literally only the things I don't have at home.
3. Reading news - don't get me wrong, it is important to keep up with what is happening in the world. But checking the news in every five minutes can bring a lot of anxiety and ruin your day. Take only one moment a day where you check the news.
4. Invite friends over - this goes with having a party. But even having a few friends or just one friend over, should be postponed. And you shouldn't visit others as well. That's the thing - a lot of people don't have symptoms but they may actually be sick.You may make other people sick. At first I took this Corona thing with ease, but recently the reality has hit me. And better safe than sorry!
5. Go to work - this is mostly for office people, because a lot of people don't even have a job anymore. Or they are just temporarily closed. I have a possibility to go to the office, but it is recommended that I don't. If you can, stay at home.
6. Take a walk in crowded places - walking and spending time outside are important. You could go mad indoors. But at the same time it is importanto to keep the distance while outside, it is not the best idea to go to nature if every other people has thought to do the same. Instead you could visit an old town - my friend just told me that there were basically no people when she went there. I have been walking around near my home - I only see people with baby carriages or dogs going around.
7. Go travelling - at the moment it is impossible, but I thought I'd bring this out still. I was really annoyed when learning that people who were coming back from a vacation, would go around, visit stores and friends insteag of staying in quarantine. When I came home from Japan, I sat at home for 2 weeks, even though a chance of being sick was really small.

Instead of this there are so many things to do. For example yesterday I called my Grandma and asked how she is doing. We talked for like half an hour. I also saw on Facebook that there was "call your grandparents" day, so that's how I got the idea. And even without a specific day it is nice to call them.

In addition to this I have done many more things I wrote down previously - writing, reading, solving sudokus, cooked, watched videos and series, watched and sorted pictures, walking around and so on and so on.

This week I want to bake bread again. I am thinking of using the same recipe as last time... or should I try something new? One of the places that has a lot of cool recipes is this: yummly. I have already bookmarked some rye bread recipes in there. :D

For my next post I am thinking about writing my eating disorder again... and also I will make the post about how many calories per day I eat. I am thinking of posting it though, it may be triggering to someone and I don't want that.

Anyway, hope you are all well and good luck!

Rice appears and disappears in my list of fear foods. On some days I am scared of it, on some days I am not. It depends on a day and what I have had on that day. At one point it remained in my list of fear foods... For example I have made some stew and had it with rice. And then on some days I have just had the stew by itself. And then automatically I get this thought that "oh, I didn't add rice, I shouldn't add it next time either".  This happens a lot with eating disorders - if you make food one way then next time it is difficult to change this behavior. All the time you are comparing food and making up these stupid rules.

But I like rice, and a lot. All kinds of sushis and curries with rice and vegetables are probably one of my favourite foods. So finally I decided to make some Japanese curry and with this, rice is a must.



Luckily I have a sister who keeps repeating that it is okay and I am allowed to eat. :D  Funny that I need a permission from someone else to eat something. Logically I understand that I can eat and be and do what I want, but it feels good if someone confirms it. I think this is really stupid, but it is what it is. At the same time I feel like there is less of it now than it used to be; even though I still get overwhelmed with guilt, I get over it faster. I can fight with these emotions better myself now. And I think this is a big plus.

What is also weird, is the fact that currently rice is not in my fear foods list, but I can't have it several days in a row. Not even because I would get bored of it, I just feel like... I had it and now I am supposed to eat something else. :D Maybe I SHOULD have rice indeed for the several days in a row to get over it? God, I have used the word "rice" so many times writing this post that it doesn't even seem like a word anymore.

Anyway, it is super easy to make Japanese curry. You just pick whatever you like (for example chicken and veggies), cut them up, fry them up a little, add some water and curry cubes. I used only vegetables of course - carrots, potatoes and onions. This is also very good. Most of the taste you get from the curry cubes. I am glad I stocked up on curry in Japan. :D



To have with the curry, I made some sushi rice and it was a perfect dinner. One of the best Japanese curries that I have made - most of the time it has been too bland, but this time I used 2 cubes instead of one, even though I accidentally saw the calories for one... Anyway, my sister really liked the food too, so soon we shall make it again. I need to buy some vegetables but other than that I have everything ready at home.

It is quite fast to make this food, it only took about 20 minutes and it was ready.

Also I have been meaning to ask - is it okay that I post so often? Or should I start doing it again only on Mondays and Fridays? :D At the moment I have things to write about, but soon I am running out of ideas I am afraid. I have been writing more to fight the boredom of social isolation. I have started a couple of challenges, but making them takes a little more time.

I am afraid we have to remain at home for a long period. I am sad for my sister, she is a math teacher and it is quite difficult to teach this subject via e-mails and online...

I would gladly go back to the office. I feel like I am more productive there and can focus more. It is not like at home where I get distracted a lot, where I don't have a proper chair and desk... I just keep thinking of the most random things.

We shall see what will happen.

This topic has been covered by milion and one bloggers, but I wanted to be popular too and discuss the options a little. Options that aren't dying of boredom, that is. I will try to make a list of the things and check it out myself whenever I don't know what to do any more.

• reading

I have a ton of books at home that I haven't even touched, but at the moment I am using Estonia's e-library, which is really cool. I am currently reading "Bad Wolf" by Nele Neuhaus and I absolutely love this criminal story.

But if you don't like reading online on your phone or computer, you can still go and visit a library (I think these still work). Also you can order online from some of the bookstores in Estonia.

If you are not interested in books, you are more than welcome to read magazines. For Estonian, I recommend vegan magazine, which is also available FOR FREE online. There are a lot more magazines that you will probably like, too!

Which I don't recommend to do, is reading news. Yes, of course you should keep an eye on what is happening, but don't spend a day constantly scrolling news. I find it cuses stress and being really upset.

What have you been reading recently, do you have any recommendations?

• Cooking

Having a home office it gives me an opportunity to cook fresh meals for lunch, which I really like.



Also in addition I decided to make kimchi and I also baked bread. I have also planned out meals for the next week and I have bought everything I need. For example last night we made some Japanese curry and today we are making buckwheat. Then tomorrow we will make kimchi fried rice, where we also add a fried egg on top. Then on Thursday I am making groud and potato mash with onion and on Friday we will make sweet potato boats filled with chilli.

I really like having these kind of proper plans, it makes me feel more normal and I don't have to think about what to make.

I also saw Estonian bread company posting how to make a started for bread on Facebook and I thought that maybe this can be my next project.

When was the last time you made something new? Do you have any recipe recommendations? And when was the last time you baked something? I really feel like baking. :D

• watching youtube

I find that I cannot focus enough to watch a movie or series (even though this is also something you can do in isolation). I really like watching just youtube. I usually watch different vlogs and DIYs etc, it is a good way to distract yourself from the crisis situation.

You watch youtube sometimes? What do you like to watch? I need some new channels to watch! :D

• learning a language

I haven't done much of it, but in Japan I promised that I will try and remember Japanese. I used to take classes in it for a year in university. I understand some bits, but not enough to have a conversation.

In English it is good to learn it via Duolingo. I have studied Norwegian on there, and I managed to learn quite a bit. I really like that they teach you every day things, not like... poems, like we had to learn in Russian classes at school.

There are a lot more pages where you can do some studying, but I highly recommend this. It is simple, cute and easy. Besides there are a lot of different languages to pick from.

Which language would you like to study? Have you ever learned a language by yourself? I find that studying it in a group is much easier, but this will do.

• cleaning

I know, I know. Who cleans voluntarily? But it feels so good after! We have one room flat and most of my day I spend in the kitchen that is kind of like my office. And after work I am in the bedroom. I really like keeping the kitchen clean, it helps me to focus better and it is nice to make dinner when there aren't like dirty dishes in the sink or something.

I really should look over my clothes and sort them a bit. As this isolation seems to still be going on for a while, I think I will do it at one point. :D I always start to clean when I don't want to do anything else. Anyone else? :D

• going for a walk

Most of the time you should stay home! And not go to shopping centers or other public places. I still think some walking is a nice thing to do. Especially if you can go to a place where there aren't many people around.

I have been going out on some days and only met people with dogs or small kids. There aren't too many people around here, so I feel quite safe. I don't even go to foodstores and try to make one trip a week to there.

• journaling

Or writing this blog. :D I think this is a really nice thing to do with your time. Just start writing. Besides you can later look back to this and think that wow, 2020 was crazy with the isolation and the situation in the world.  You can even tell it to your grandchildren...

I also have a scrapbook that I occasionally fill with stickers and photos and it is really nice and relaxing thing to do. Currently I am adding reciepts from Japan into it. :D Maybe I will take some pictures of it at one point and post here too.

Have you ever had a journal or diary? Or a blog? If you are reading blogs, feel free to also recommend me some!

• solving puzzles

Here you can add a lot of things. For example playing some games or solving jigsaws or sudokus. I have a wave of sudoku obsession at the moment. And then at one point I get bored of them and don't solve them for months. :D But currently I am into them. I even bought 3 different sudoku books, thinking I may get bored of one. :D

There are also word puzzles you can solve, but these I don't really like. But if you do, it is a good way to even learn something.

Which one do you prefer? Sudokus or puzzles?

I could write down milion other things. For example watching series and movies, writing a letter, online shopping, drawing, making art, watching TV, playing table games, writing your original story, singing, practicing an instrument, having a video chat with friends, doing yoga, working out at home, listening to a podcast or audio book... and so on and so on.