I didn't weigh myself for a week

5:31:00 AM

When a girl wrote to me saying I should do this challenge, I was adamant to say no. No, I couldn't do it, I would automatically start to restrict more, I would on purpose eat less. Mkmm, not going to do it.

Then I thought that... why not. I need a challenge to do and there hasn't been a time in last 4 years (except for when I was at the hospital) where I have lived without weighing myself. I have missed a handful of days when I haven't been at home; when I have been at my parents' or have had a several-day event. Or when the batteries of the scale have been empty and I haven't bought new ones yet. So I was like... okay, let's try this.

I finished the "Good Reasons for Bad Feelings" and at first I wanted to make a separate post about it, but it honestly wasn't as good as I hoped. But I thought I'd still bring out a few things. That related to eating disorders. Basically the author couldn't figure out what was the evolutionary reason for eating disorders. It was interesting to read though, it was simply written. If you want to read something from popular science, then I highly recommend this book.

About eating disorders, he said that there are different ones. There are ones that are about overeating and then the complete opposite ones. Mechanisms that regulate your weight break down quite often. Current (fast)food, snacks, sweets etc is the culprit. Our organism is not fit to deal with these things, so there are a lot of overweight people. This book was quite interesting, because it told about natural choice and fitness and why this or that in the organism has been developed. But anorexia was a bit of a mystery, because going on the starvation mode is not a part of normal fitness.

Basically the book tells that evolutionary organisms' goal is to get descendants. But there is no connection between this and people starting to starve themselves. Maybe it would come into play if the whole village is starving and there aren't that many kids born, thus organisms want to give a chance to get pregnant to people who are more fit to have kids. Okay, I don't think I can translate it well into English, but maybe this interests you and you decide to pick up the book yourself. :D

He also says that diets are a slippery slope. 90% of the time people gain the weight back and even more. Diets that don't work ruin milions of peoples' mood and body image.

Why are there so many diet things? Pills, diet foods, dieticians, clinics, spas, doctors and workout programs, not to mention books, magazines, TV and internet. There are so many because, well, nothing really works. And there are soooo many reasons for it. There are illnesses, both mental and physical. There is no one reason for it all.

Basically he says that it needs a lot of work to figure out mental illnesses. They have only touched 1% of it all. Like he brought out that some things MAY occur due to genes, but it is only about 5% of all the cases. Like there was a research done on thousands of people suffering from scizophrenia, bipolar illness and autism and there is not one gene that is affected and causes it. Like... I had no clue. I thought (as many psychiatrists do) that depression and mental illnesses are just brain illnesses. But they are not so, often. And it is difficult to give a diagnosis, because it is done only focusing on symptoms. Like, if you have a heart condition, you can do some tests and figure it out. For most mental illnesses, there isn't that kind of test. Nothing tells you that well, you are clinically depressed or have mania. This was such an eye opening book, but I would give it 2/5, because I couldn't get answers to the questions that interested me. :D I am thinking of reading something similar again though. If I have some time, I will look up new books. Even though I should actually do some studying, because it has been kind of left behind by me recently.

What I also liked about this book is that it wasn't self-help guide, it didn't tell you that you have to do this and that to be healthy, eat well etc. It just explained things and didn't give advice. I am not a fan of self help books and I was scared that it will tell you more about diet or something. But it wasn't like this, which was refreshing.

Anyway, about my challenge - this time I am not doing it for measly 5 days, aka working week, and will do it properly for 7. I will keep eating normally as I have done so far, changing nothing. I have some more social days coming, and they bring more food and drinks, so I think this is a good place to start. And I can't make myself upset with the number.

I will try to write down how I manage every day and how I am feeling regarding the whole thing. And in the end I would like to see how much my weight changes. I won't mark down my starting weight or finishing weight, but I will say how much it has changed. I hope this doesn't trigger you, or if it does, feel free to skip this post. This is your warning.

There are a lot of different challenge posts in my blod you can read, so please go ahead!

At the moment I feel really motivated starting this challenge, but I think when tomorrow hits, I am going to struggle. I want to feel in control. But no, I know that if I have promised something to someone, I am more inclined to actually complete the challenge. If I only made the promise to myself, I would probably not do it whole way through. But now I have to! :D 

I think it can go two ways - I can feel free, but also I can feel so stressed and physically uncomfortable. We shall see what is going to happen.

Told about this to my best friend as well, so I can complain to her, when things get extra tough, haha. :D

Okay, so now it is a few days later and it is difficult. Or like, it is not difficult to not step on the scale, because I am able to control my body, but this not knowing fact annoys me. For the past days I have had those moments where I have gone like "oh, I should weigh myself", then I actually walk to the scale and then remember that no, not this week. Until now I have managed.

I think it is also kind of good, because my mum was visiting and we just ate all of the time. I would have just upset myself. I will weigh myself on Friday and see how big the change is. I think I have gained at least two kilos, but I dunno, maybe not.

I think maybe I am a little less stressed? Or like, this not knowing has two isdes. I am not that affected as I don't see the number and it doesn't set my mood. But I do feel like I should restrict just in case. But I haven't done it so far. I haven't even had a chance with mum visiting and all that.

I kind of really want it to be Friday already, because I want to assess the damage. By damage I mean my weight gain, because the number is already high enough to touch the lower healthy range of BMI. I managed well until now, but I feel like I am in a breaking point.

Then yesterday was a bit difficult, because my food didn't came out as well as I hoped and now I keep thinking about it and regret eating it. It wasn't perfect, I could have made something else, because I didn't enjoy it and it was a waste of calories. Yesterday I felt fine about it straight after eating, but today I am struggling a lot and I am just generally annoyed with myself. But at the same time... I am not wasting food so I would have had it regardless, but still. Argh, I was over these kind of things, but now it is back.

Half of the challlene is now over and honestly in the morning I was relieved that I didn't have to weigh myself. But I have a bad body image day. I just KNOW that this number would have affected me even more. So yeah, kind of good considering. Even coming to work, I started to wonder if I check my weight on Friday after all. Or like, will I do it every day again? I will still probably check on Friday, because I want to know how I did, but from then on? Maybe try and weigh myself once a week? I guess it depends on the results. :D 

Now writing this out made me stressed again. Also my coworker brought cake today, it looks amazing and it tasted even better. It is cheesecake with whipped cream, salted caramel, chocolate, strawberries, dark chocolate and Oreo cookies, mmm! I am thinking about how I would have skipped it some time ago, because I had proper breakfast and also planned my lunch already. But I did have a slice. And the world didn't come to an end. And I could make my coworker happy by telling her it was amazing, hehe.


Yes, to be honest, I did think about not having a piece. Because it seemed super heavy and sweet. But I just needed to get over the initial shock. My lovely commentator also JUST said that I should always take a slice of cake if someone makes it. So I did what she said. :D And it tasted soooo good, I would have missed out big time if I didn't have it. And I did have lunch. No restricting here!

Now it is Wednesday morning and I still haven't weighed myself. I was half way stepping on the scale this morning, but didn't do it in the end. I don't know what it would have given me anyway. Would have been pointless and I would have probably felt bad about myself. So I am being good.

In my eating habits, I haven't made a difference. Except really when I don't eat any snacks during the day, I have more at night/have a bigger dessert. And it seems to work fine. But at the same time I don't stop myself during the day, if I want something, I have it. Like I have had cookies every single day. :D I think I am having one right now, because I just feel like it.

Only tomorrow to go and then I can see how I have been doing. Ideally my weight hasn't changed, but I still need to gain some weight, so I should hope for that instead... Anyway, doing this experiment on myself is quite interesting. Maybe next time I can do it for two weeks? Or a month? Week is not really something special, if I want to know if my body can function normally without restiction. I should give it a chance. I will think about it and see what I decide on.

I really wanted to do a running challenge, but the weather has not been on my side at all. On one day it was raining, then it was snowing and wind was so strong I would have probably been running on one place. I was surprised I made it home! Today I will give it another go, but I will see how I feel and then decide. If I just don't feel like it or am too tired or something, then I won't go. This is not a goal, I just feel like running, that is all. At least I think so. I don't want this to become a rule. Like also yesterday I didn't work out at home at all either, because I was just so tired and irritated and sleepy. Instead I studied for 45 minutes, which is a good thing.

I really want to get this activity watch and I asked for recommendations on Instagram too, but nothing came up twice and I am still just as confused. The price should be between 100 - 200 eyros, but I don't know what to get. :S I have been reading a lot of reviews and literally all of them seem normal. I just want someone to make the choice instead of me. It was much easier to pick out a phone! I want the battery to last well, but other than that, I am not really picky... it would be nice if someone could tell me what to get. If you have one, let me know which one and if you are happy with it.

I feel like I have put so much pressure on myself. I don't know what to expect from tomorrow morning. I want to know the number, but at the same time I understand people who don't weigh themself, it is freeing indeed. So yeah... difficult. Today morning was the first time I didn't think about stepping on the scale at all. This was good. So yeah, there is some progress made and I feel like I have gotten over this obsession.

I read one girl's blog, who said she weighs herself every Friday morning only. I think that maybe I will do the same? I shall see what tomorrow brings and then decide if I can trust my body enough and do it. Or I need to see the number to plan life better. I have no idea what is going to happen. :D

Sooo... today morning I weighed myself. + 200 grams, which could be due to anything. So I can make some conclusions:

1. I can not restrict if I put my mind on it, eat properly and follow my routine. My excuse for not doing this challenge earlier means nothing now.

2. I can not weigh myself obsessively. And I am able to listen to my body after all.

3. I will start weighing myself more often again. At the moment I still need to gain weight and this helps me to see the progress.

4. My body image was better. Generally I feel "fat" when the number grows bigger, automatically. But during this week I was in blissful ignorance and I didn't have those uncomfy days, except from yesterday, when everything was uncomfortable and annoying. But I got over it.

5. This 200 grams didn't affect my mood. Number on the scale and it changing doesn't affect me nearly as much anymore. I can reason it to myself and I understand it needs to change. So yeah, I think it would be the best to weogh yourself every day for a week and then take the average from it.

6. I think I will do this challenge again in the future.

7. This calmed my nerves, because now when I have days when I can't weigh myself, I will feel much less anxious.

Anyway yes, this was this week's challenge. I am already doing a next one, which I hopefulyl complete, and can talk about on Monday. This was one of the hardest challenges mentally though. I still thought about this number a lot. But I did think about it less than I usually do, I think.

Anyway yeah. :D It was nice to have someone suggest me this challenge and I am glad I made it. And honestly, I swear that I didn't check my weight once during these seven days!

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