If you figure that out, let me know. It is sooo difficult to write this post, because I have no idea what I want to say. Just - I am soooo tired.
Of this corona thing. Sitting at home. Of work. Boredom. Lack of motivation. Pointlessness. Weight. Food. Thoughts. Life. Of everything.
I honestly thought that this thing would be over by now, but haahaaa yea right. I thought I am introvert enough to handle the situation, but right now I am begging you - please give me a real life person to talk to from face to face. At least it has been nice going to work, can see people occasionally. Though for the last few days I have been here alone as well...
But during the weekend I watched TWO! movies. Me! Yes, I didn't watch all of them in one go, but it was still a huge accomplishment. I will write more about them towards the end of this post.
Other than that, things have been... difficult. Weight is going up, this is scary. I have reached a new first number. Now only 4 more kilos to go and I am at the normal weight range. Sounds unreal.
Yesterday I went through some pictures, because I wanted to get some printed out in order to put them into my scrap book, and... I don't know, I felt two things at once. On one end, I felt sad, because I really looked horrible. It was weird to watch the pictures. But comparing myself then and now, I feel fat. Yep.
But like... who am I thin for anyway? What is the use of being underweight? I still don't get my period, which is a huge sign that my health is not okay, I would like to get them back, thank you. :D Yep, I WANT to! :D I have even dreamed about them starting again. xD Okay, this is probably too much information, but whatever. Considering what I have written here, this is definitely the worst thing, haha.
My best friend was offended over the fact that I don't mention her a lot, so here is a shoutout. She was actually the one who made me want to go to the office and pay more attention to how I look. Maybe tomorrow I even PUT MASCARA ON! :D I don't feel like doing other make up, because it is pointless when you are wearing a mask, but I think it would be a nice boost. To feel better. I now understand people who do make up simply for themselves. I have always thought it is something you do for others, but it is not like that at all.
On Saturday I went for a walk with a friend and her daughter and it was so nice. Could finally talk to another adult, it was amazing. What I also discovered was the fact that I didn't think about food at all. In general recently I have thought about it less. Well, sometimes I still get an odd thought about what to have for lunch or dinner and oh I should eat something, but I am not constantly thinking about food. Like I managed to pay attention to the movies I watched and didn't need to eat something at the same time. Also I have paid more attention to if I am actually hungry vs I just want something to snack on. Most of the time I just want something, but I am physically full. I just like the act of eating? Maybe it makes no sense, but yeah. Anyway, I like eating so much that I won't fall back into my ED. I could never give up food again. :D Anyway, I feel like I am close to becoming just Signe, instead of a Signe with an eating disorder. :)
Haven't seen my sister in a while, because she is super busy, but I would like to see her. I am still thinking about ordering takeaway, but I want to do it with someone. We shall see if I am successful. Like there is another pizza place near me I would like to try, and they have several vegan options. And I think it is important to support food places during this time when everything is closed.
Maybe tomorrow I will try and watch another movie. There is Fat Front in Huum TV, which people have recommended to me. Also, I will look forward to your suggestions.
I really wanted to do another 24 h challenge before posting today, but I didn't manage to. No good ideas. I should really look up some inspiration and do something by Friday, as this is the main thing with my blog. Challenges. I will try and come up with something today. Oh, I got a thought but... I need to think more about it. :D I need something that can be done during the day as well.
I did think about trying some Tiktok hacks, for example this feta pasta or something, but I don't knooow. I don't really have any idea about Tiktok. Also yesterday I wanted to make baked oatmeal, but my pan is too big for it. I shall see if I can come up with something and if not, there is the final episode of Expensive calories coming out on Wednesday. :D I can always review that.
Planted some things! This picture is about a week old, currently they are two times as big. So exciting. I need to come up with a way to put them onto balcony though. But the window sills there are too narrow, so post of the pots don't fit... Also at the moment it is still too cold to put them there anyway. I will come up with something for sure.
This is something similar to Romaine, seems exciting. I also planted some red leaf beetroot, which I thought will not start growing, but now it has! Now I just need to remember to water them occasionally.
I wish the snow melted already, it is so muddy outside and it is making me depressed. It was such a nice weather a few weeks ago, I want it back!
I have worked out at home properly, though my exercises last only about 20-25 minutes still. But currently I believe it is enough. My muscles aren't sore anymore, or maybe just a little. I have added some exercises as well. For example if I used to do 10 squars, then now I am doing 15 and so on. It feels nice. And it seems to be working.
Anyway, here are the two movies I watched:
First one was Holidate, original by Netflix. And it was really nice and chill to watch. I didn't even feel like starting a movie, I just saw what was out there and it seemed interesting. So I played it. It was nice to forget about life for a couple of hours and just mindlessly watch this. :D I also thought that myabe I would need a holidate as well, haha :D. Anyway, yes, I recommend it. 7,5/10.
I also finally watched To All The Boys Always and Forever meaning the third film in the series. And it was sooo cute. :D I don't like the part in movies where everything goes to shit, but this was easier than I expected. :D Even though I did write to my best friend saying that I can't continue watching without knowing what is going to happen. :D I really wanted to skip to the end. But I didn't do it. 8/10, really nice young people movie and it made me miss high school.
