I Won't Quote

 Or like, almost. :D 

This is a weird challenge and I don't know how to start writing about this. Because I really didn't plan on writing about it or sharing it, because it was just a random idea.

At the same time I thought that oh well, it doesn't matter, it is not that weird. I am not going to post naked pictures of myself or something, this I would never do (although lets be honest, who of us hasn't thought about making an OnlyFans account...).

Anyway, I saw this experiment on Youtube and even thought I didn't watch the video (I am adding this now, but I watched a little different video now, this one. :D). But anyway, the weather has just been sooooo hot and I thought I could try this. I think I started it like a month ago now, but I am not too sure. I think it is about that.

At first it was really weird and it didn't help with the heat - I was still too hot. Of course I also didn't give up my blanket, I just held it scrunched up in my sleep, because otherways I will not fall asleep. Anyway yes, I did get some sleep and I have done so for a month now. And I have a feeling that I am not going to stop any time soon, because it is actually very comfortable.

Actually I was also inspired by my relative, who always sleeps naked. :D And I have to admit, she is right - it is comfy. I don't wake up in the middle of the night, soaked in sweat or something. Also sleeping naked seems to be much more popular than people think. A lot of the people have asked me how have I slept with clothes on until now. :D

I don't know, I guess first 2 weeks were kind of weird. Or like, I had to remind myself to take off my clothes. :D At the moment it is already colder outside and I have to keep a blanket on myself, especially if my windows are open. But anyway, everything feels so much softer. :D Especially if you have just taken a shower. I always wash up in the evenings, I can't imagine taking a shower in the morning. I guess it would wake me up more, but I would constantly think that oh no, I am going to be late for work or something. I always have to check the time and I need to have enough time to get ready, because if I don't, I get annoyed, hurry a bit too much, forget things or make mistakes.

To be honest there isn't much to write on this topic, I just did it, haha. :D At the same time I have also been back home at my parents' place and slept there. And then I have felt like I should still keep my clothes on. Even though I didn't do it in the end - it was 33 degrees and I have my own room there. But when I am visiting someone, I will definitely not sleep naked. xD At home I even wondered like what does my cat think about it, but luckily there isn't anyone else to stare at me.

When I get up and make myself coffee and food, I of course put clothes back on. I feel a bit chilly when I get up and it is kind of annoying, because...

I don't like my body. Especially lately, it is so annoying and I am always bothered, my weight has gone up and my body parts are just thicker. I have a bloated belly etc. Like yesterday I also came to work with pretty tight clothes, it sounded like a good idea at home. But when I was at the office and passed a mirror, I just wanted to start crying, because I just felt awful about myself. Today I made a better decision and wore a loose hoodie and jeans, it is also kind of cold outside and we don't have any meetings today. Also, I am almost the only person at the office as well.

In general past few days have been kind of bad. I just feel disgusting and I literally want to throw up at the thought of myself. Everything seems so awful and pointless and I want to ignore everyone, I just want to be alone and not do anything. Well, I would like to go to the gym and take walks, but I just can't find motivation to talk to people. It is my last day before vacation today and even this does not bring any positivity into my life, because I have plans already and... just let me BE. Like with the last vacation, everything is planned ahead, what to do with who and when etc. But I just want a free day for myself. :D Sorry for being like this, I just can't help it. Also with the plans comes eating and I don't want that. I would like to tell people that yes let's do something together but I don't want it to involve food. I want to eat alone and be by myself. I know social eating is okay and nice, but I just can't handle it at the moment. It seems too much, everything seems too much at the moment and I can't deal with the information that is coming from everywhere. I just wan't to switch off for a second. I KNOW that when the time comes I will enjoy these moments and it is not going to be as bad as it seems, but just... it is difficult. It is so fucking difficult. Instead of only affecting my guilt, eating has control over every emotion I have. I don't understand why it isn't becoming easier. I am always annoyed when I am eating with someone, I am thinking about what I have had the wgole day and I just can't stand it. Even in my last post, where I wrote about my perfect day, during the Queen's concert I just kept thinking about the meal and fact that I can't have anything and home now. I would just like to knock myself out for a while.

Also on Monday after work we went to spa with my sister and her friend. It was quite nice, if I didn't get a terrible stomach ache. It kept getting worse and worse, even though I took some meds. After 1,5 hours I just went home, because I felt super sick.

I managed to take a shower and get dressed and then I really thought that I can't do it. I wanted to say the workers there to call me an ambulance, because I thought I was going to die. Instead I still walked home, trying not to puke and I was crouching over all the way, it was the only way I could move a little. I am glad I live so close to this spa, because I wouldn't have made it home otherways.

I got into bed and for 45 minutes I was in true agony and I really didn't know what to do. Honestly, I don't think I have ever been in so much pain and I have no idea why it happened. Next day I fel better, but still not 100%, so I skipped gym and everything, went home and rested. Even though I felt guilty, because it was a free evening and I didn't do anything. :S

But spa itself was nice! A lot of saunas, warm water etc. I would have liked to be there for longer, because I didn't even try out everything, but yeah, I felt so awful I couldn't do it. I really liked Japanese onsen, because in Japan we also went there. And it is so weird that the water is so warm you actually get super hot sitting in it. :D Which is nice, is that they had free drinking water available all the time, this is the first spa that has it, or at least where I have seen it.

Anyway, this was weird pain and I hope I won't get it again. I am thinking that it would have been nice if my period started, but yeah. Not looking forward to cramps either. :D

I have my next psychologist appointment on 12th of August, because I have a vacation and then she is resting as well. Yesterday I felt that I REALLY need to talk to her, but I couldn't. Just yeah, not feeling my best at the moment.

I would like to go out for more runs, but I also like working on the equipment at the gym. And I just don't have time for both things. I am always walking around a lot, I love going to the stores and just look around and I get home quite late due to this. Then around 6 I usually go to the gym and I usually do 45 minutes on the machine and 15 minutes on the stair master. And then it is already past 7 when I go home, but then I want to instantly eat dinner. But I need to go home, shower, cook etc and then I don't really have time for running. :( I should proabably do one day running, one day gym or something? I don't know, I still haven't found my running motivation to be honest, everything is so difficult constantly.

But anyway, I will try to complete some urgent things at work and then enjoy my vacation, as much as I can. Today at 9 they also show the opening ceremony for Olympic Games again, I am thinking that I will make some tea and watch this. Maybe I will go for a little run as well. I went to the gym yesterday and my muscles are really sore, so I can't work on the machines I think, so maybe I will focus on running today. :)

I thought that during this challenge I mark some things down about how I am doing. Today is the 8th of January and I am feeling pretty good. At the same time I have focused on eating more, because in my menu, there isn't stuff like cottage cheese, normal cheese, eggs etc. Instead I have had a lot of tofu, lentils and all that kind of stuff. There have been moments where I have thought that oh, I want cottage cheese salad, but instead I have fried up some potatoes and onions and it is carbs, yes, but it does the trick.

I am obsessed with potatoes at the moment. For some time I had it in every possible way and wondered if I should stop, but why? Potatoes are good! I haven't had sweet potato in a while, should make something with it. Sweet potato boat with beans on tomato sauce is a really good combo for example.

There are so many new recipes I want to try. I have a habit of looking up stuff, then I write it down on sticky notes and stick them to my bullet journal. And when I go to the store, I can easily buy everything I need.

Breakfasts have been a lot of porridge or yoghurt. I have tried almost every Alpro yoghurt there is and I really love them. I am surprised that I am not missing cheese or eggs. Or normal curd cream. Vegan alternatives are good enough. I also take extra B12 in the mornings as well as omega 3 and D vitamin. I have always done so, even when I ate eggs, milk and fish.

There are a lot of snacks that I have and that are not vegan and I am planning to try them out in February. This is a bit meh, because I would love to continue with vegan life, but I don't want to waste food.

Lunches are a bit more difficult, but I have managed. I am obsessed with vegan wraps from my local store - they are so nice. Also I have tried a lot of vegan ice creams and there is no end to be seen to my fruit and vegetable consumption.

I think I should focus more on protein, but it is coming along nicely. At the moment I am pleased to know that my body and mind are in a good place and I don't crave animal products.

It is only 8th of January when I am writing this, but I have done well so far and I don't see why I couldn't go until the end of the month. At the same time at work there have been moments where people have offered me something and I have had to say no, because a) I don't know if it is vegan or b) it is not vegan.

But yeah, it is fun. I have been more active in Facebook Estonian vegan group as well and people there are super nice. This is so cool. People there are really approachable and helpful, so cute!

Now it is the end of the month and I haven't really added anything. :D But oh well, I did have a post halfway though. Today it is 28th of January and I have been vegan 100%. It was a bit weird situation at work where my boss offered me chocolate and I said no. She got a bit upset. But I was sure of myself. And I feel good! On some moments I have thought that ah, it doesn't matter (especially when I have been out) if I eat vegan all January, but I have still stuck to it. I haven't had cravings and the reason of thinking of quitting has been in my mind when there haven't been much options in the menu for vegans or something.

I feel good, I have gained weight. I did a pasta challenge and tried all kinds of new stuff. I think the best about veganuary has been trying out new recipes. And remaking old ones. Like I made chilli, kimchi soup, stew etc. And in general I feel like there is much more variety in my menu now. That is always nice. I should maybe try and mark down all the different kind of foods again to see how much of what I have. :D

The biggest change has been my breakfasts. On some days I even ate something savoury, which is unheard of!

What is also good is that my energy level is muuuch better. I don't have this afternoon crash at all anymore. I am alert and ready to work all the time. Also, in January I have only had this one day where I ate everything in sight. For the rest of the time I have managed well and I haven't experiences this extreme hunger anymore. But I think it is for sure thanks to having more protein in my diet. I still have carbs for the most part, but it is fine. Anyway, I feel good and energetic and well. :D

Now the food places are open again and I have been out with a friend a few times. In completely vegan places. But it is nice to see vegan menus expanding elsewhere too. Like the cat cafe now also has something for vegans. I should go there, I want to pet cats. Even though I have one at home. But well, I want to share some more love. :D

All in all I wouldn't say that one diet is better than the other. You have to think about what is right for you, both physically and mentally. At first when I cut out meat, I did it because of my health, but nowdays the wellbeing of animals is much more imporant to me!

I thought that the work event would be difficult, because we were offered lunch and cake. To my surprise, there was vegan chickpea salad with avocado in the menu, in addition to dips, hummus and guacamole as well as chips, bread etc. I had a lot of food. It was nice not to worry about food and talk to others. I did get some guilt, but this is not the main focus of today. I just wanted to mention that vegan things were the first ones that were eaten, people especially liked the salad and almost fought over it. :D

And now it is the first of February. I can look back at January and swear that I enjoyed it. And I won't be running having animal products, but if there are occasions when I have them, I won't make myself feel bad over it. I think it is not imporant for everyone to be vegan, I think it is important for people doing it at least a little. The world doesn't need everyone to do it 100% of the time. It is enough if people put at least some effort into it and cut at least some animal products. Honestly I don't have anything against vegans, but some extreme people sometimes do scare me.

I talked about this with my friend and we discussed how some people are really radical. For example there are ones who live completely waste free, use only reusable stuff etc. And they often criticize others, who maybe do 50/50, sometimes reusable, sometimes not. I think accusing others is not a way to go and it is definitely not helpful.

To sum up January I am surprised I got over my cheese addiction! It was a huge thing as I could have half a block of cheese easily. :D But now I learned that vegan versions are also good (and sometimes better). :D I am really glad I got to try them. Everything has been really positive. Yeah, I can't really bring out negative things at all. Maybe the fact I couldn't have cake at work? But instead I had a double amount of guac and chips and it was good. :D

Anyway, veganuary went well and I will keep up and not but animal products. Yay!

Even thought January is over I wanted to share another discovery. Vegan waffles! I got a waffle maker for like 9 euros and thought I would give it a try. I looked at so many recipes but they all were really elaborate. And then there is this one vegan youtuber that I like (Waffles with Leila) and she always has waffles. And they are so simple. Flour, protein powder, baking powder, milk and chia seeds. As I don't use protein powder, I just added more flour. It was about 120 ml of flour, teaspoon of chia seeds, half a teaspoon of bakin powder, some sugar and some oatmilk (the dough should be a little thicker than the one for crepes). And it came out like this:

And they tasted amazing! And it was so quick to make them. I think the next time I have them, I will make a bit more and store some in the freezer. I wanted to do it this time was well, but I wanted to try them out first.

My friend also shared a good tip - when they are not completely ready, but them in the toaster. Then they come out super crispy. And it should also help to add cornstarch. But anyway, I was pleased with mine. I can't wait to try making falafel waffles. :D There are so many options - with potatoes, porridge etc. :D It seems like they all will be good. I shall try them when all of my challenges are over.

At the moment I am doing potato challenge and it is going really well. Will post about it on Friday. And then I think I will have a little break and try different kind of things. Before doing another grain challenge. :D I just don't want rice or pasta to become fear foods again.

Anyway, if not completely vegan, I will make more of this kind of challenges in the future. And I will be definitely doing another veganuary next year. I recommend this challenge!

I decided to take a picutre of every breakfast I have in January. Just to see what is my favourite and what do I even eat, because I would like to try something other than porridge as well. :D Anyway, here we go!

1. Porridge with blueberries, gingerbread seasoning and banana. Of course some coffee.
2. Porridge with strawberries, gingerbread seasoning and banana. Coffee. :D
3. Porridge with raspberries, gingerbread seasoning and banana. I promise to have something different tomorrow, FINALLY. :D
4. Alpro soy yoghurt, Weetabix, blueberries, raspberries and banana. Something completely different! :D Actually it was a nice and quick breakfast, as I had postponed my alarm four times and was shocked when I finally woke up. I think I should place my phone further form me, hahaa. Anyway, this was surprisingly good, even thouhh I got hungry really fast, hmm.
5. Porridge with strawberries, gingerbread seasoning and banana. Honestly, I have no idea when I will get over my gingerbread flavour addiction. I think I have had porridge with it for two months in a row?! :D But oh well.
6. Alpro soy yoghurt with blueberries, blackcurrants and banana. And Weetabix. I added some almond milk as well, because yesterday the Weetabix was kind of dry. Soy yoghurt has won me over. It is much better than regular greek yoghurt. It is a bit pricy compared, but whatever. Also today my friend is coming over and we are going to have pizza, I thought for a long time if I should skip breakfast or lunch. My weight has gone up by a kilo again, and this really made me want to skip meals. This challenge is good - I couldn't not have anything.
7. Porridge with blackcurrants, banana and gingerbread seasoning. I actually wanted to have another yoghurt bowl, but I was cold and wanted something warm instead.
8. Porridge with cherries, banana, cocoa powder and a little bit of gingerbread seasoning. Again, I wanted something hot. But then I thought I will switch it up a little and added cocoa. It was so good. I think chocolate and cherries are ultimate combo. And I did need a bit of spice. But I got some Alpro coconut yoghurt that I am planning to have tomorrow. :D Soy one was really good, but I haven't tried the coconut one yet.
9. Porridge with banana, raspberries, cocoa and gingerbread seasoning. Again, wanted something warming. Porridge is still in.
10. Yoghurt bowl with Alpro coconut yoghurt, banana, raspberries, blueberries, blackcurrants and Wheetabix. I think this will be my new obsession, I am convinced :D. But I need to say that I liked soy yoghurt more.
11. Porridge with strawberries, banana and gingerbread seasoning. As it is the start of the week, I decided to have this again. :D Also it was cold in my flat, so this solved the situation. I am now almost out of gingerbread seasoning as well and I thought I will try some other combinations now, to make it a bit more interesting. :D
12. Coconut yoghurt with banana, Weetabix, cherries and mango. Recently I have also started having orange juice in the mornings, as my friend got some when I had a housewarming party and it was left over. This is such a big challenge, but mmm, it has bits of oranges and I really used to love this.
13. Porridge with banana, blueberries and mango, also added some igngerbread spice. I did also have coffee and juice. Morning was cold again. I have another idea for breakfast, but it seems sooo scary so I have been having similar things recently. Maybe tomorrow? We shall see...
14. Porridge with strawberries, banana and cocoa. Orange juice and coffee as well, of course! I ran out of gingerbread spice, so this was just a nice chocolatey porridge, nom.
15. THIRD different kind of breakfast this month, yay! I made some more of this vegan banana bread and I mikrowaved a slice, added some new Cocodeli vegan yoghurt with blueberries and topped it off with blackcurrants. I was kind of upset over the calories in the yoghurt, but I managed. Also had some coffee and juice. I am surprised I didn't get this "oh I wish I had porridge instead" feeling that I kind of expected.
16. Weetabix with chocolate pieces and oatmilk, coffee and orange juice. I was ina hurry this morning, as I needed to prepare a huge pot of pasta. So this quick meal saved my morning. And it was amazing! I thought that I was not going to get full, but Weetabix is quite filling. Also I had more than recommended 40 grams (I had 100 in fact) :D. It was really really good. I can't believe I had cereal for breakfast.
17. Porridge with strawberries and mango, banana and ginger plus cinnamon. Orange juice. Coffee. I hadn't had porridge in a while so I really wanted it. :D I still don't have gingerpread seasoning at the moment but I wanted this kick, thus I added ginger. It was tasty! I also thought that mango used to be a big no-no for me, because it is fruit quite high in calories. But now I added it without any problems! A big win.
18. Porridge with banana, cherries, cocoa and ginger. And coffee plus juice on the side. I did it! I finished off a bottle of orange juice and GOT A NEW ONE. Because it is really good. I usually start making food and sip on it while doing that. It used to be completely off limits, to enjoy a thing I needed to sit down and focus on food and drink. Now I can just sip on it on the side. And it feels normal.
19. Porridge with banana, raspberries and gingerbread seasoning. Orange juice and coffee. I finally got some new gingerbread spice, because I really craved it. :D I am thinking about trying a different breakfast finally in the near future. But my obsession is back. At the same time I have a pack of tofu in the fridge so maybe I will make tofu scramble. I got some black salt from a friend too, and it should give it eggy flavour. Let's see.
20. Tofu scramble, beans in tomato sauce, toast with vegan butter, orange juice and coffee. I finally did it! I forgot to add tofu to my soup so I needed to used it. :D Anyway, I added black salt and it was unreal?! It literally tasted like normal scrambled eggs. I couldn't believe it! At the same time I missed somewhing sweet. But it was nice to get out of routine. :D
21. Alpro soy yoghurt with muesli, banana, raspberries and blackcurrants. Orange juice and coffee. I discovered thay my yoghurt was about to expire so I needed to have it. It was good. At the same time I couldn't really taste muesli and it felt like a waste. I am thinking of trying muesli with just milk in the future, but it doesn't seem enough like this and I am annoyed at myseld. :D I also picked this muesli after 20 minutes of walking around in the isle. Firstly because I needed to make sure it is vegan and then I checked the calories and they were so high. I couldn't decide if I am willing to have it or not. But I did it!
22. Alpro soy yoghurt, muesli, banana, raspberries and blackcurrants that I warmed up in the microwave. Coffee and orange juice too, of course. :D I added more muesli this time, though I kept thinking how Weetabix had less calories. But I managed. And it tasted really good. Honestly, this kind of yoghurt bowl is totally my new obsession. :D I love it!
23. Porridge with strawberries and Biscoff. Coffee and orange juice. This was soooo goooood. I tried Biscoff on its own as well and it was super tasty, I can't even explain. :D At the same time it was a bit stange in the porridge and it was scary as hell. But nommm, I am going to have so much of it. I forgot a banana, but it was sweet enough. :D Honestly, recommend. I am waiting to have it on toast as well.
24. Porridge with blueberries and Biscoff, OJ and coffee. Really nom. I added more Biscoff than yesterday. I am addicted. :D
25. Cocodeli yoghurt with mango and passionfruit, muesli, blueberries, mango and a banana. OJ and coffee. It was quite difficult because this yoghurt has sooo manyyy calories. But it was really good. I never thought I would enjoy something as much as porridge. :D
26. Homemade bread with Violife cheddar spread, pack of cherry tomatoes and toast with Biscoff. Orange juice and coffee. It was something completely different for a change. But I still prefer to have only sweet stuff in the morning. :D But yes, I could finally try Biscoff on toast! It goes better with porridge, if I am honest. With the Violife spread, I was really annoyed. I wanted to use it up and added a LOT of it and then I had so much guilt. Yep. From this small thing.
27. I couldn't decide on what to have - muesli with yoghurt or porrige - and made a poll on Instagram. Yoghurt bowl was the winner. So I added muesli, banana, raspberries and blueberries. It was super nice this morning. I enjoy muesli more and more and can have a good amount of it. I feel like this is becoming more and more normal. I had orange juice and coffee on the side, no morning starts without.
28. Exactly the same thing I had yesterday, because I was so sleepy and wanted to have something quick. :D
29. Porridge with strawberries and Biscoff, orange juice and coffee. God, it feels like I haven't had porridge in a really long time. :D So it was nice for a change. Tomorrow I am thinking of making pancakes, but we shall see.
30. Porridge with blueberries and Biscoff, juice and coffee, as always. But I would have wanted some yoghurt to be honest.
31. Soy yoghurt with blueberries, mango, banana and muesli. Coffee and juice. I actually felt really nauseous and weird in the morning and I planned to skip it, but as I promised to do this challenge, I still had brekkie.

There were morning where I didn't want to have any food, because I felt really guilty from the previous day. Or I couldn't decide on what to have. This challenge made me eat properly though, and made me discover new things. Now I am already planning to have some other kind of foods, like I got some new oat yoghurts I am yet to try, and I also want to make pancakes finally.

I won't be writing down February breakfasts, but I will try and post on Instagram. This month I am documenting my dinners and I will try and make different things. So it would be more exciting for both me and you. I will also be sharing those on Instagram.

Is this kind of collage with pictures good or would you like to see some meals separately? :D Also in general I really enjoy these kinf or posts of other people food. Anyway, I hope this is motivating and gives you some ideas for breakfasts. :D And I am really glad I am having juice again, as liquid calories is a big big fear.

 

So from the first of January I started to live my vegan life. It has not been long, but I have discovered a lot of snacks to have, foods to have an several recipes to try. At the same time I am thinking that I won't throw away stuff that is not vegan. Like chocolates or cookies that I have already bought. I will come back to them in February and finish them off. I don't want to waste food.

What is surprising for me is the thing that every food item seems to have milk powder in it?! Like, I wanted to buy crisps, and all the packages I looked at - milk powder, milk powder, milk powder. Like why? :D Well, I did found some that just had potatoes, oil and salt, but there were only few like this. And also there isn't many other flavours. But I won't give up! I have found some things that are waiting for me to try them. I will write more about them when I am posting about vegan products I tried in January.

Anyway yes, it is interesting to discover and try new things. I need to think more about what I am eating. But yeah, it kind of bothers me that me as a new vegan have to check every single package to be sure. :D But well, I guess I will get used to it. Thus I like the stuff that have a vegan sign on them, then I am sure I can have it. :D Although it is nice to find accidentally vegan stuff.

Anyway today has been very good. I made a fry up with smoked tofu, potatoes, mushrooms and onion, inspired by a recipe I found online. I boiled the potatoes for a bit and then added it all to the pan. It tasted amazing. It would have been good without tofu as well, but it had become a fear food so I wanted to challenge myself. Anyway, it was tasty. Like I used to have fried potatoes with onion and ham for example? :D And this brought back those memories. And of course thanks to tofu I got some protein in. I have too many carbs I feel like. :D

What else have I had for dinners - well, those nori sausages (the ones I made myself were better, but they were okay too) and then I also added some pickled mushrooms and fried sauerkraut as well as potatoes with onion. I have had really simple meals. I would like to try out more recipes, but I don't like having the same meals for several days in a row. Like tomorrow I will have to have the tofu potato thing again, but yeah. It was at least very good. I think I wanna do the meal prep challenge at one point. Wanna make several foods to be ready for a week. And then I can have a meal every other day or so. Weird that my lunch on the other hand can be the same every day, haha. :D

What is in my menu today is also a full pint of vegan ice cream, I hope it tastes good. :D I haven't bought this company's ice cream before. And yes - I will have the whole pint. I can't just have some of it. Also lately I have been snacking less during the day and having more snacks in the evenings. Then I don't get this weird binge thing as well. Besides, I have enough food during the day and then during the snack times I don't even feel hungry. I am not even hungry during the night, but I just WANT stuff and I don't want to restrict it. Otherways I keep thinking about it and can't get my mind off of it.

Usually I would have thought that Halo Top ice cream only gives HALF of the calories, but at the same time - if you have tried it, you know it isn't very good. :D I like Breyers more, especially their vegan ice cream, which is nice. But still, I wanted to challenge myself extra hard and had a normal ice cream. Or well, vegan ice cream. But it is normal. It is kind of annoying to keep writing vegan ice cream... so if you read my posts in January, you should know I am referring to vegan stuff. :D

I bet that before falling asleep I keep looking at vegan recipes, as this is a whole new world. Exciting!

And on Wednesday I have a friend coming over, we are planning to order pizza from this one place. There are a few I still haven't tried. At one point I was like, I want some pizza and I was about to buy frozen one, when I remembered that we are going to have a pizza night anyway. :D Honestly, don't they have a regular customer program or something, I always get pizza from there. :D

Today morning I made a new kind of breakfast, but I will write about it at the end of January, as I decided to document all of my breakfasts. Anyway, it was a change from porridge, which I can't really believe. I wanted to make pancakes on another day, but I was too lazy. Maybe next weekend, we shall see!

There are several more challenges I started at the beginning of January. I am interested to see if I can stick to them. I have been doing well for three days. :D But when I came to work today, I almost faced a failure. We don't have plant milk at work! Luckily there is a store really close by and I managed to get some Alpro barista almond milk. Lucky! It is no life without coffee.

I feel a little bit better than I did when I was writing my previous post, but I still feel a bit "meeh". I try to focus on things I want to do, but there are... only few of them. But I guess I will write about them soon. As someone commented, maybe my hobbies would give some inspiration to others. My hobbies currently aren't as exciting as they used to be (like bouldering, but still, maybe it would be useful. And from you guys I would still like to know what you are DOING to survive this sitting at home due to corona thing. Oeh.

What promises did you make for the new year? I have to admit that my Coca Cola Zero addiction is still going strong. Can't help it... :D But I will stick to veganuary for sure! Also, if you really recommend some vegan products, that would be awesome and I will name my next 23 cats after you.

In October I decided to challenge myself with doing something I don't want to or feel like doing every single day. Because enough of the apologies! It was time to deal with my life and do what needs to be done. Besides I hoped, and am still hoping, that this habit will stuck and I will complete stuff I need to do. A lot of the times it is about starting the task. I just don't feel like starting doing something, if it makes sense. :D When you start, though, the task becomes a lot easier.

A lot of the things were connected to buying a flat and I won't go too much into detail about it. Because like, privacy and all that. But anyway, on half of the days I had to call and talk to either my bank or the sales agent etc. I wrote stuff down more precisely for myself, and it was really nice to read things over and see how much I have done. :D At the same time some other things were super small and I don't even know if they are worth mentioning. But I just didn't feeeel like doing them at first. Let's go though my month now...

1. October - contacted the bank regarding yhe loan. I did it at the bus stop while I went to see the fourth flat. :D The one I decided to get was the fifth one I saw.
2. October - called to a sales agent regarding one place and agreed to go and see it on Sunday. It is actually the fifth flat alreadt - one I really liked was bought before I made an offer, but I guess it needed to go like this. I am still keeping my eye on one more, but the kitchen is really small there, so I don't know... but anyway, regarding the one I am going to see, I have high hopes. :D It doesn't have a bath (that was in my list), but I really like the flat and could probably deal with not having a bath.
3. October - I cleaned at home, which was really boring. But I had been putting it off for a while. Because I was just too lazy. :D Anywya, this is really elementary, but I still wanted to write something down for today.
4. October - went to see the flat. And honestly, I think I found the one. I fell in love and keep thinking about it. (Hint: yes, this will be my flat!!!)
5. October - wrote to the sales agent and contacted with the bank. It sounds so unreal! Some last minute things to do and maybe I will have my own home soon!
6. October - went to the dentist. The wire in my braces came off and I couldn't put it back myself. I thought that it would be okay and I can wait until my appointment, but it also broke off so I needed to go and see the dentist after all.
7. October - wrote to the sales agent and said YES!
8. October - still dealt with the flat stuff and was incredibly stressed over it.
9. October - still some talks with the sales agent.
10. October - dealt with the flat stuff. Do you have any idea how much time and effort this takes?!
11. October - STILL dealt with flat stuff.
12. October - paid for another month of gym membership. At one point I thought that maybe I shouldn't because I didn't have any motivation to attend yoga classes, but I know I feel so good after it, so I did it.
13. October - paid the bills. :D I am always one who doesn't want to do it at the start of the month, often it happens mid-month or sometimes even at the end.
14. October - finally finished some annoying work stuff. I had been postponing doing it for like half a year, but now it is finally done. It is really difficult to motivate myself even if the things actually take so little time and effort.
15. October - talked to the bank, agreen on signing the contract and got notary time set. Sent all of this info to sales agent. I cannot believe that I will soon have a home!
16. October - went to yoga class in the morning even though I didn't feel like it. But after it I felt amazing. Also my sister had a friend over and they wanted some cake, so I went to the store to buy them some. :D I like going for walks and I really didn't have anything better to do anyway. :D
17. October - went to a friend's place who saved me and gave me a new bread starter. Mine got mouldy. :( Anyway yes, I was thinking that I don't want to go, because it was awful and rainy, but I still went. And then on the evening me and my sister went to see another flat for her.
18. October - dealt with my health and wrote to my doctor, also saw my psychologist.
19. October - walked to the sales agent about moving and finished two really annoying things at work. It feels so good!
20. October - talked to the sales agent some more and finished another thing at work.
21. October - dealt with flat stuff.
22. October - tried to finish some things at work and was successful.
23. October - my parents came to Tallinn and we went to see several flats for my sister. Unfortunately we didn't find anything we truly liked.
24. October - went to see my flat with my sister and talked to the owner about furniture, then I went to buy some stuff from the stores (also stocked up on coffee and stuff like this).
25. October - finished with the flat stuff.
26. October - didn't feel like going to the gym, especially because we had a late meeting at work, but did it anyway and felt really good after it.
27. October - maybe a random thing, but I cleaned and did some decluttering + finally made some pumpkin-mushroom stew that I had been wanting to make for a while.
28. October - again thought I didn't want to go to the yoga class, but did it anyway. :D It was my favourite class with my fav trainer, so all in all it was a really good day.
29. October - went to see another two flats with my sister and her friend. I really didn't feel like tagging along, but I had promised. Actually seeing all the flats is kind of fun. We also found one we liked. Anyway yeah, some food for thought.
30. October - went to morning yoga class, even though I was exxxtra tired. But again, it was nice. A bit difficult as well, because of the new plan.

Did all of these things (actually one of the days is missing but I am not able to find which one argh). Anyway, going over this list really made me feel good. :D At the same time I keep thinking that do normal people just do stuff like this all the time and don't complain?! :D

Anyway yes, it was a nice thing to write all these things down. I can see how productive I have been now and it kind of does make me want to keep up with this. :D I think that in the future I won't write stuff down like this anymore, but I think I am more inclined to do stuff I don't like. For example I take a task and complete it, instead of postponig it for days. So that is progress. And this is where I wanted to get to.

I also thought I would go over the small goals I set for myself on Friday and see how I have been doing.

Firstly it was having bigger snacks, which was a roaring success. :D I have bought myself several tub of yoghurt and I think that I will soon not crave for them anymore. I still do now though. Anyway, in general life is a lto easier. I have finally given myself a permission to eat and this takes off the worry. Like, I am letting myself to have whatever I want however much I want and this takes away the stress aspect somehow. Just giving myself this permission was the difficult part.

The second small thing was to add chai spice to my morning porridge. And it was actually a very difficult day, because I had gained a lot, but I made some rice porridge (with strawberries and banana) and it was such a good combo with chai spice. :D Exactly as good as I imagined. Here again the decision making was the tough part. But on the last night I thought that I am GOING to do it and then I did. So done! :D

And lastly I wanted to be more flexible with my meal times and this was also a success. For example on one day I had a snack at 4 instead of three, and also had dinner and lunch later as well. And I didn't stress about it at all. I just went with it and thought that okay, I am not hungry yet, I will have food a bit later. It was really nice not to stick to certain times.

I wanted to tell everyone who stuggle with disordered eating and have found their way here... that it is difficult. I have really hard time. Sometimes silly things make me cry. I share successes here, like last week, having Snickers and all that and that I enjoyed it. But still, it is really difficult. I am not doing recovery perfectly. Still every day is a struggle and I have so many thoughts and feelings.

But I want to challenge You. One day. Just take one day and have whatever you want. Don't think about your next meal. You want a piece of chocolate after your breakfast? Have it. Think that "tomorrow I will start again with my rules", but give yourself today off. And then tomorrow you can see how you are feeling. I promise you, nothing bad will happen. And tomorrow, the tomorrow when you think about following your rules, it is not as difficult not to. And you can break those rules again. And again, you can think that well, day after tomorrow I am starting again. Just trick yourself.

And if you are unable to do it one day, then start again. Every day, every morning, every hour and every minute is a new beginning. I promise.

I have discovered that when I am not hungry, I can focus so much better. Like focus on talking to people. I went to a looooong walk with a new friend yesterday and honestly, I didn't even think about any of my meals, or what I was planning to have for dinner. I just listened, answered, talked, looked around and lived. And this is much more important than 10 kilos, 20 kilos, or I don't know, 30 kilos. Because what is this weight telling you? Well, in general only how hard gravity is pulling you towards the ground...

Okay, this post is ending on a weird note, but I don't know. I am feeling motivated.

PS! I will continue with my Very Scary Snacks Challenge.

Okei, selle postituse lõpp läks küll lappesse, aga ma ei tea. Olen hetkel motiveeritud või miskit.

Let's clean up. Or I should say, make an even bigger mess. Today, when I am starting this post, it is 26th of October and in a month I get to move in to my own flat (or actually a bit later, around 29th, because the owner can move on the weekend). Anyway, connected to it, I wanted to take up 30 day challenge and declutter, clean, look over, throw away everything in my current flat. In regards to it, I wrote down a list of 30 things to do. So let's get to it. I will make a list and add comments as I go through everything. I don't want to live in a mess after I move, so there is no point to just move every single item with me. Anyway, let's do this. Also, if you need to do some decluttering as well, feel free to join me. :D See how it goes. I hope that once I get to the end of the list, I won't have started making a mess in the first things I decluttered. 

Day 1 - desk, kitchen table

Day 2 - the top of my fridge (there are so many things there. I have a basket on top of the fridge and it is filled with stuff)

Day 3 - parcels, letters (I have a corner in my drawer where I have put a lot of these things and I want to go through them)

Day 4 - hanging clothes part in my wardrobe

Day 5 - bags (handbags, backpacks. I never empty my bag completely and I always find some things in them. :D Time to fix it now)

Day 6 - under my sink (mostly I mean taking the empty bottles to be recycled. There are so many bottles from my Coke addiction... and recently I have started buying it again :S)

Day 7 - bathroom shelves (just makes sense)

Day 8 - random cupboard number one (I mean one particular one where I have a lot of make up things and creams and such stuff)

Day 9 - desk drawers (I am so not looking forward to this one)

Day 10 - bookshelf (there are a lot more things than just vooks. Also I need to decide on what I want to take with me and if there are some things I want to send to my parents' place)

Day 11 - some of the kitchen cupboards (a lot of bottles and jars and stuff, need to go through it and devide it with my sister)

Day 12 - make up and jewelry drawer (make up bags and stuff I use a lot. There are probably some things that are old and neew to be thrown out)

Day 13 - closet that has bedsheets and stuff in them

Day 14 - wardrobe (not looking forward to it... I started with this yesterday actually, to see if there are many things I want to give or throw away or sell, but it was just too overwhelming :D But on day 14 I need to do this nevertheless)

Day 15 - socks drawer (and also underwear. I have a separate drawer for this kind of stuff, but I bet there are some shirts or other random things as well)

Day 16 - drawer under the TV (our TV doesn't work, but the desk and drawers under it are full of things. Need to go through it. Making this list I have found so many things to clean, this is awful...)

Day 17 - basement (I took some stuff there and should go through it)

Day 18 - top cupboards in the kitchen (on the right side. :D There are my seasonings and dry stuff and all these kind of things)

Day 19 - top cupboards in the kitchen (in the middle. They have dishes and teas and all this. Don't know how we are going to devide all the teas :D)

Day 20 - fridge (a small thing but should be cleaned out. Something easy for a change)

Day 21 - drawers under my desk (I have a cupboard thingy next to my desk and part of it reaches under the desk :D Anyway, yeah, this needs to be decluttered!)

Day 22 - box of shoes (we have this huge box thingy that is filled with old shoes or footwear that is not in season. Need to go through it)

Day 23 - rest of my shelves (how many shelves do I have?!)

Day 24 - tea shelf (oh, I have assigned a separate time for tea collection :D)

Day 25 - cleaning the bathroom and shower (well, I do this all the time anyway, but time to be a bit more throughout)

Day 26 - kitchen seating area lockers (I really can't explain it better. We have some cupboards under kitchen corner seating, so I mean this)

Day 27 - under my bed (I have suitcases there and I need to look it over. Also, regarding this I just realised I can use my suitcases to move stuff to my new place, yay)

Day 28 - rest of the stuff (I think I haven't covered all? We shall see)

Day 29 - under the kitchen seating area (there are boxes with homemade jams, pickles etc that my grandma or mum have sent us)

Day 30 - last things, sorting out last bits and bobs, packing stuff up

A lot to do! When I started to write down this list I thought that oh, we have such a small flat currently, I guess there aren't many things to go through... :D Boy, was I wrong.

But at the same time I am feeling really excited over it, because each decluttering moment, sorting, packing thing takes me a day closer to my move. I hoped that I could move on 28-29 already, but it doesn't matter. It will just be a little more time. And also when I get the keys, I can already start taking some stuff there and stay there as well. Most of the furniture they had I kept, I went to see and discuss about it yesterday.

I can't wait to post about pre move and after the move. But it takes some time still.

It is weird that I have been feeling really numb. Like, I know I should be excited and everything, but there is not physical response from my body. But today morning I thought about the notary meeting and I am feeling really nervous suddenly. :D I even had to think that Signe, breathe, everything is okay.

A bit strange that the sales agent can't come today, but I hope everything goes well even without her. At the same time I don't think it really hits me before I actually move and can use the flat. :D And I am sure at first I feel as if I am visiting someone. But maybe this is a good thing and I won't make a mess straight away. :D

I really can't wait to have the housewarming party already, but I want to have moved in before, and gotten used to the place a little. So maybe I will have the party next year. But I just had some thoughts about ohhh I can buy Christmassy kitchen towels and stuff and it is soooo exciting.

On the weekend my parents came to town, we went to see a couple of flats for my sister. And towards the end we were sitting in our kitchen and having tea nad cake and it was so cute that they really seemed to be excited for me. My dad even said that this is so cool and I can make my own decisions and design the place. Awesome!

Anyway yeah, I hope everything goes smoothly now and there won't be any problems. As until now, I still need to keep my toes and fingers crossed!

About challenges - I have gotten some more ideas about what I want to do, but I am not sharing them hhere yet. But I think they could be interesting and useful for me. But for this week (or rather 5 days) I thought of doing one challenge. And this is:

The Scariest Snacks Challenge.

This means that every day I will have a snack that I have been too scared to have, but have thought that I reaaallllyyy want it. I know there are several things like this. And I know I need to do it. My weight has stayed higher (but there haven't been any major jumps) so it is time to challenge myself like this. I already have a snack for today. It is scary, but exciting. I can finally have things that I thought that other people can have it, but not me. So let's do this :D

This is a really long and confusing post. I really hope that I can go through everything in a month. I thought about doing the challenge first and then posting about it, but... now that you know it, it holds me more accountable. And I have more motivation like this.

Do you usually spring clean or autumn clean?

I also wanted to add that in a week I had 48 different foods! Almost 50, missed by so little! :D

 

It was the first of September and I decided to go for a month long challenge. As I am not working out a lot due to my weight, I still thought a little movement would be good. Thus I decided to do 10 minutes of stretching and flexibility exercises for a month.

I followed this video.

And honestly, ten minutes was such a long time during the first day. I was constantly thinking that okay, that is enough, I won't do it today and so on. :D Because I was just so lazy. I didn't like some of the exercises either, the ones on your knees to be precise.

Anyway, at one point I realised I should use a yoga mat and it got better after that. And when I got to a certain part of the video, it didn't feel as long anymore and it was okay. And I didn't want to stop anymore.

On the first two days I had this block, I didn't want to start. Then I thought I will follow this for a week - I could post about it on Monday and it would be done. But then I made a deal with myself for a month and I am glad I did it.

Ten minutes felt less and less each time. Also I really liked that these exercises are not difficult, I could even make them when wearing PJs before bed. And in general I would have had time to do them in the morning before going to work as well.

Some of the exercises I really liked, when there were some I despised. Some were just boring, whilst others helped with improving your balance. Like the third exercise - this was really hard at the beginning but it got much easier towards the end.

Day 5

I keep forgetting I need to do them. Until now I have still managed though, I haven't missed a day. :D It is a bit funny to do them when my sister is at home and moving around in the flat, she will find me in weird postitions. :D

Anyway, this is such a nice thing to add to your day and get warm - I am always cold - and it is nice to move a little after sitting in front of a computer all day. I really recommend doing something like this for your body. I am glad a lot of people have asked the video link already when I have mentioned this challenge.

Day 10

Today was the first day I really almost forgot it. At around 9pm I suddenly remembered that I hadn't done it. :D At the same time I had been to yoga class on the previous day and had already gotten some sore muscles. It was nice to stretch.

In general I do these exercises when I am home alone, but on some days my sister is there as well. I sometimes talk to her while doing them. :D Time passes quicker each day. I used to think that I don't want to do this second to last thing (with the hands), but now I just do it and it is fine. I could do the stretches without the video as well, but I can't be bothered to take the time. I really like this video. It is good that the trainer is not speaking and I like the sounds it makes when exercise is finished or it is starting. I don't have to stare at the screen constantly. But it is a good reminder if I miss something.

Day 15

Doing this feels completely normal now and now that I have a vacation, I usually do these exercises on the first half of the day. Like today I carried home a 7 kilo watermelon and I felt that I needed to stretch myself out after that as fast as possible. And it was super nice. Also yesterday I thought about doing these for the second time as well, but didn't in the end. Thinking the same about today. Also I have this painful nerve spot on my hip/butt and yoga helps, but these stretches also help.

Day 20

It is really weird to think that I have kept up this habit for 20 days already. And it has gotten so much easier. Like the third exercise! I used to never get my foot between my hands, but now I can! Also I think just attending yoga classes has helped. But anyway, this is a change I have noticed. :D

The time passes so fast. Also on one day I had a terrible headache, but after doing this routine, I felt a lot better. I didn't think ten minutes would make a difference, but it did. :D

What I also really like about this video is that when 45 seconds pass, she will finish the exercise and video won't cut off. I don't know, why, but I really like this. :D And at the same time you can see what the next thing is and all that.

Are there any other stretching routines to follow? YouTube is full of them, of course, but do you have any recommendations?

Day 25

Today is very busy, because I went to see my psychologist, then I came home and had to take a shower and get stuff together to go to my parents' place. I still found the ten minutes to do this routine. And it was really nice, it kind of calmed me down and helped to refocus, so in addition to physically helping me it also helped me mentally.

I guess it will be a bit strange to do this at my parents', but I don't want to miss a day. I haven't stuck to a challenge for so long as I am doing for this. :D I wonder if I want to continue with it once the 30 days are over. I can try. :D This is already a part of my everyday. Maybe I could look into more videos and follow those...

Day 30

And that's it. And I think it is about time. I have been following those for a while and also attended some yoga classes at the gym - these have become too easy for me. I thought about following a short vinyasa flow tutorial instead - it would be a bigger challenge.

In general I really liked this challenge. It was nice to take 10 minutes for your body and mind and do something different. At least it was great for beginners like me. And honestly, it passed so quickly. 10 minutes is not long.

What could my next challenge be?

I thought about doing something every day that I don't want to do. This would be a good step towards getting your life in check? :D

20. January2020

+ Ground was shining when I came to work. There is no snow, but it was beautiful to see at least this.
+ My friend wanted an idea for what to make for dinner and I recommended her meat free page for recipes and she picked tomato risotto. She really liked it so I made the same and it was indeed really good.
+ I tried some new snacks.

21. January2020

+ I met some friends and finally felt relaxed and calm.
+ I could have told my sister that I ate out, but I didn't ang went home to eat and have a snack. Small win, but it means a lot actually.
+ I tried not complaining for a day and time at work seemed to pass much faster than usually.

22. January 2020

+ Breakfast porridge was really good. With mango and coconut!
+ I tried new cottage cheese, creme brulee flavoured, and it was amazing!
+ I finally did my laundry.

23. January 2020

+ The morning was really cold again, which I like more than humid weather.
+ It is cold in my office cabinet, but I have a heater so that is nice.
+ I ordered some flavour drops, but instead of two I was sent only one. Now finally I have waited for so long that they promised to add one for free. I hope I will get them some time sooon.

24. January 2020

+ Today is Friday.
+ I watched a movie with my sister. A Christmas Prince second one. :D A bit too late for Chrismas movies (or a bit too early? :D)
+ I got a parcel with the stuff I ordered.

25. January 2020

+ I visited my friend and her baby.
+ I just took a long and nice walk.
+ I tried out a new recipe, which was awesome (bean tomato stew kind of thing).

26. January 2020

+ I finally got myself a yellow swater which I have been looking for since autumn.
+ I got a new pair of jeans. I hate one of my best pairs because it is not loose anymore (wtf) and I really want to feel better wearing jeans. Clothes are just clothes.
+ Sain endale lõpuks ilusa kollase kampsuni, mida ma sügisest saadik olen taga ajanud.
+ I have been craving for semolina porridge for like a month and I finally made it for myself. :D

27. January 2020

+ Okay, something really cool happened. I felt a real emotion. My friend just sent me some pictures of Japan and I suddenly felt excited. This far I have known that I am supposed to be excited, but I haven't really felt it. Is this how normal people are?
+ My friend gave me a really good idea for a challenge (hint: foods!).
+ I met up with a friend and we went to a sushi place where I had vegan don and it was amazing.



28. January 2020

+ There was a really specific meeting at work, which left me with the feeling that I understand some things more now. It made me more confident, but also made me feel like things ahead are very difficult. I don't really want to write about my job here, so this will be a personal positive thing.
+ I went to the post office to get my parcel. I love getting letters-cards-parcels, so this was definitely super nice.
+ I bought my meds, which is positive, because it is impossible to fall asleep without them or sleep until the morning. I usually wake up at 3 am and just won't fall back asleep.

29. January 2020

+ When I walked to work in the morning, it was snowing a bit. I guess it won't stay, but it was nice to see.
+ My skin is being nice. It freaked out and I got a lot of spots some time ago but right now it is good.
+ I made a bowl of oatmeal with apple and cinnamon as a snack tonight. There is never enough porridge, even if you have it every morning.

30. January 2020

+ It was again snowing a little.
+ We talked and organised out Japan trip a bit, it is so exciting.
+ I called to my mum and complained that I want to work out. Most of the people around me think that I shouldn't do it yet. We agreed that maybe it would be okay for me to do some yoga - I will look into it and maybe join a gym when I am back from Japan!

31. January 2020

+ My cat was super sweet in the morning.
+ It is finally Friday today.
+ I have planned several challenges for my blog.

To conclude

Am I more positive now? I don't think so. It is not much to write down three positive things every day, but on some days it did feel impossible. On some days I had to think really hard, as I couldn't come up with anything really. At the same time it was only three things, which meant I didn't really notice all the small details I could have written down. Maybe I should keep this challenge going, but write down ALL the possible things each evening. I feel like this would be more motivating and maybe going to sleep in a better mood would help the next day to feel nicer in general.

Anyway, I am happy that I managed to keep at it and write down at least something for 31 days in a row. I think the better posts were when I wrote down some backstory as well. I recommend thinking of positive things. Maybe you won't find any. But it helps you to understand yourself better - you can see what is wrong and what is between you and you feeling better. (I feel like this text I am typing is so motivating :D.) It is much easier to give advice to others than take the advice... it is what it is.

I hope that this taught or showed me something. Even if it is just that sometimes the only good thing in your days is weather or good food. And this is also okay.

14. January 2020

+ I forgot my lunch at home but I remembered it before getting onto my bus, so I actually ran home to take it with me. It would have been so easy to be like - ah, I guess I should skip lunch, but we ain't about that life here!
+ I got dentist diagnostics done for braces.
+ I am meeting with friends and we shall eat and drink and talk. So much fun.

15. January 2020

+ I wore very professional office clothes and felt good about myself.
+ We agreed to meet on Friday with friends.
+ It is rainy outside but luckily not too cold.

16. January 2020

+ At least it wasn't raining when I walked to work.
+ I had my favourite cranberry and oat dark chocolate as my first snack.
+ It is only a month and few days to go until Japan trip.

17. January 2020

+ At least one case at work was a bit easier to handle.
+ I bought myself an apple as a snack and it was Estonian one and tasted so much better than the imported ones do. :D
+ I met friends, finally a weekend day I am not just at home.




A tea and eating out.

18. January 2020

+ I got myself a new swater.
+ Weekend!
+ I got the stuff I ordered online.

19. January 2020

+ I went to see improtheater with a friend.
+ I got all the things ready to send a parcel to a friend.
+ I had night snack even though my illness wanted me to skip it.

So I shall continue with writing positive things down. It also gives a bit of an overview on what I do. Also, it is still weird to write 2020.

7. January 2020

+ I ate all three meals and snacks.
+ I made a nice dinner.
+ Time at work passed faster than usually.

8. January 2020

+ Most places still have Christmas lights up.
+ I managed to write an article at work that will be published in a newspaper.
+ I started knitting new pair of socks.

9. January 2020

+ I went to another store during my lunch.
+ My friend's kid loves the puzzle I gave him for Christmas.
+ I managed to handle my feelings of guilt easier.

10. January 2020
+ I got a really nice comment on my blog from my relative.
+ My sister bought us 3 new teas.
+ Today is Friday.

11. January 2020

+ I went to shopping with my sister.
+ I got a really nice blazer.
+ It was cold outside.

12. January 2020

+ I went to visit my friend.
+ I made pasta with tofu which was really good.
+ I finally took out all the empty Coke bottles finally. Addiction is real.

13. January 2020

+ It was cold outside and ground was sparkling.
+ I had rice porridge with frozen mando in the morning and I haven't had mango for so long.
+ I am trying new bread, it is smoky and with cheese.

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to come up with positive things? Because... I don't know, life is just tough recently. Work is so complicated, and I feel super restless at home. Haven't been able to contact with my doctor and I don't know what to do. I have no idea what is wrong with the healthcare system, I have tried to make an appointment for 2 weeks already, but there are no available times. Argh, these things make me super annoyed and I don't know what to do anymore.

Anyway, there is nothing to write any more. Oh! Actually. There is some game on Fazer Estonia facebook and it would be really nice if you liked this picture on my instagram.



Thanks!