I think most people know that unfortunately I have spent 8 weeks in psychiatric hospital, due to eating disorder, depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I have now undergone ECT, which is a therapy that is done under general anesthesia and used for clinical depression. I have been taking medication or 6 years, but even though I have had some easier time, it seems that just antidepressants are not working. It should help left and right side of the brain to find balance and treat depression.

I have written about this therapy in my other, Estonian blog - so you can read it from there if you understand. I am trying to roughly translate it here as well.

Electroconvulsive therapy aka ECT is treatment that is used for many different mental conditions, such as depression, bipolar desease and schizophrenia. It is often fastest and most effective treatment. / more information here.

I started ECT on 15.03.2019 and usually here, it is done minimum six times. It means that 4 times are mandatory and by then it should be working. Last two times are to make the connection stronger long term.

It is done under general anesthesia. I had never been under it, so this was really interesting and new experience for me.

About it, though, my psychiatrist had told me almost a year ago. In addition to trying to send me to stay at the mental ward for almost 2 years. Obviously, as I didn't do anything, I am spending my eight week here already. I feel guilty. A lot. But I wanted to write down ECT treatment and this whole process - maybe just for myself, but it is possible that others find it interesting or helpful.

Before the procedure you are not allowed to eat or drink, not to mention take the meds. From my division on this hospital, there are 2 more people getting it done, for one of them they decided to do 10 sessions. But it is not unheard of that some people even get to 20.

Both of them told me that they are already feeling the difference so I really hope it will also work for me.

We got to the treatment building around 10 am and waited, when we were called one by one. It is actually really short time that it takes - a few minutes and I was under anesthesia for less than half an hour.

I laid down, people read the information about me and attached small metal plates on my forehead and under my ears, that cause the shock that affects my brain.

I promise it is not as scary as it sounds. :D

Which I really appreciated is that the top doctor on this field takes care of each patient themself, it is not delegated to nurses. It feels safer and I can actually relax. Doctor Margus Lõoke is really known on the area and he seems to care about each patient the same.

I can remember that I was told they will inject necessary medication via cannula and silicone breathing mask was put on my face. I managed to breathe around 3+4 times and felt cold and numb sensation spreading my veins. Then I was asleep.

The next moment it felt as if someone had turned on the radio (dunno why my mind thought radio and not TV, probably because the sounds came first) and I was in a different spot with my bed. I also felt as if I had slept for a really long time. But at the same time I did not feel sleepy or tired.

The first thing I noticed in my body, was the right side of my head hurt really badly and my jawbone and teeth from that side as well. One of the side efects is that people may press their teeth together really hard.

At the same time when a nurse came to ask how I am feeling and she heard that, she said that it may very well be from the procedure itself. I couldn't really move my mouth, as it hurt so badly. Luckily as soon as we got back to our house, I was given a painkiller and some food, even though lunch was also only an hour away. I had to eat everything, of course...

After the procedure I did not have any problems remembering stuff, though it is often the case. I knew which date and day it was, which was most commonly forgotten or messed up. At the same time I felt as i my brain was a bit slow, it was difficult to text and I was not able to balance myself well while walking.

At the same time, before ECT I was not sad or anything, but after it I couldn't stop crying. I felt like... like a trashcan. :D But it was not unheard of after the first session so I am hoping better things are ahead. I keep thinking that maybe this therapy just makes me release these emotions. :D

In the evening I got headache again, but not as bad and I managed to fall asleep okay. Now, the next day I felt fine. Maybe a bit dizzy, but I am not the only one feeling like this, so I can't say it is due to the treatment.

Also, for many people, even one session of this has shown great results.

So... if I start throwing up rainbows near future, then for me as well. If not, then the next time I have ECT is on Monday.