Today they left cannula into my hand. My veins on the back of my hands are too small so the location of cannula is really bothering me, in addition to everything bothering me anyway.

From our department, there are 3 people (including me) getting ECT currently. I was again taken as first one to get the treatment. This time I didn't feel any discomfort while getting injections into my hand, but at the same time I was much more sure that I will not fall asleep. Which I luckily did, of course. And I can remember how vision got blurry and twisted.

When I woke up, my head or teeth didn't hurt, the only part hurting was my cannula, but it passed soon as well. I only have a little headache which I will ask medicine as soon as I finish this post.

The weirdest abot ECT is when they attach those small plates onto me.

Last time my memory was okay, but this time, as soon as I got back to our division building, I just stopped in the middle of the stairs, as I could not remember where or which number my room was. It came back to me soon enough, but it was weird empty feeling for a second there.

Someone asked if amnesia is scary, but no. It is surprising. I was sincerely surprised that I could not remember such a simple thing, even though I have been here for a while. I also called my mum and had to several times ask, which day it was. Also, as before ECT you are not allowed to eat, I struggled to find the kitchen. Finally had my breakfast at 11 and lunch already at 12.

I haven't really written about my eating disorder; would anyone like to hear more about that as well...? Maybe it would be useful or me though, as I tend to make more sense of stuff after telling it to someone or simply writing it all down. Also this may be helpful for someone else too.

My head feels sort of... empty? And light. But at the same time I feel like a baby and would like to cry a lot.

Next session soon and I will write again then, Right now I am full and feeling guilty because of it.