I thought that I really want to combine a challenge with eating disorders post. I have done it previously too, but not for a while now. Then I got an idea that as I have a lot of fear foods still, I will take an alphabet and make a list of things I am scared. And then start challenging them one by one.

Anyway, foods that are y fearfoods and which I want to challenge:

A - avocado - I don't even know why I am afraid of this. Last summer I was able to have it without problems in pasta or I made toast with avocado. I guess it is because people keep saying that avocado has a lot of calories. But it also has healthy fats and I really like it! So I think this is a good thing to challenge.

B - banana - bananas are one of the most calorie tense fruits. I don't have a problem with eating banana in a porridge, but just having it on it's own is scary. This is why I have written it down here. Also as I have my porridge with a banana, challenging two in one day is quite big.

C - cereal - I have had cereal as a snack, but I still feel that it is quite difficult. And if I have an opportunity to pick between this and rice waffles, I always take the rice crackers. It is much safer choice. So I want to challenge cereal instead.



D - dark chocolate - I haven't had chocolate as a snack for a while and even dark one, that I used to have without any problems, has become a fear food again. So I want to pull myself together and have it. And to have like 6-7 pieces, not only one row, that my eating disorder tells me to. At the hospital we had to have 6 pieces of milk chocolate and 8 pieces if it was dark. So yeah, I need to do this,

E - eggs - why eggs? Because it is difficult to have three. I am perfectly fine with making an omelette out of 2, but three is scary. I think it needs to be changed. Also it is stuck in my head that the eggs have to be medium size, not large size. As it would be "too much".

F - French toast - so fried in milk and egg and cinnamon. I have been wanting to have this for a while, but I have been too scared. And I want to have it as a snack, not as a main meal. Because I need to have bigger snacks. This would also be a double challenge, as it has an egg in it too.

G - gummies - I haven't had normal candy in a really long time. I mean just taking a bag of chocolate candies or gummies. I got some plum flavoured gummies from Japan... and I think it is time to try them. I want to have the stuff I have at home and have been too scared to try.

H - hot chocolate - one of the most difficult things to have are still liquid calories. I have a lot of cococa at home which I have been too scared to have. Because, well, calories calories calories calories. Why doesn't this word become less scary if I repeat it? Why am I so scared?

I - ice cream - I can have an ice cream as long as it is "the right amount", meaning it is on a stick or in a waffer. But I still pay a lot of attention to calorie count and always make sure it is not too big. I want to try EXTRA CREAMY (extra fatty if I translate it literally) ice cream. It is bigger than normal ice creams and packs a lot of calories. They recently came out with a new flavour, strawberry and cookie pieces one. I already have it in my fridge now so this is coming.

J - juice - another liquid calories one. But it is something I have been wanting to have for ages. Fresh orange juice with bits! I think that having this would finally be so amazing. :D A good thing to have as a snack.

K - KitKat - I couldn't come up with anything else starting with K and then I remembered that I have one big KitKat bar left. It was with salted caramel or peanut butter, I don't remember. But anyway, it has more calories than a snack has to have so I have been too scared of eating it,

L - lasagna - in this one store there is frozen lasagna that I have been wanting to have. I have actually taking it out of the fridge and looked at it, thinking I really want it, but I am too scared. So I guess it is time. And sometimes it is okay to have fast, frozen meal.

M - muesli - I am doing quite okay with cereal, but having muesli is a lot more difficult. Muesli usually has a lot of seeds and nuts and stuff meaning it is more calorie tense. Even a small handful of muesli packs a lot of energy. I really want to get over this fear and have it as a snack. And then even granola!

N - noodles - here I mean this regular fast packed noodles. And I would like to add stuff in it. For example an egg, some veggies and maybe even a slice of cheese. I want to think of it as next level ramen, which I used to have a lot when I was younger. :D I mean when I just moved to Tallinn and lived a general uni student life. Also it is weird that egg noodles, rice noodles and all that kind of stuff is fine, but regular noodles are no-no. This is another big challenge.

O - Oreos - I have always told everyone that I don't really like Oreos. But when I am actually having them, I like them. For example at the hospital I had Milka chocolate with Oreos and it was really really good. Also Oreos have a looot of calories. Also I kind of actually like that I have to get a bigger sleeve of them, so it won't be only one time challenge. You have to repeat things like this.

P - pizza - is a huge fear of mine! At one point I was completely fine meeting up with a friend and go have it. Now this has become one of the biggest fear foods. Even if I am not going to have pizza on this challenge day, I at least want to have a frozen one. There are quite a lot of vegan ones in this one store, that I have seen and been meaning to try.

R - Reese's - my friend sent me those and I still haven't had them because I have been too scared. But at the same time I love peanut butter and chocolate, so you can't go wrong with it.

S - salmon - as you know, I do eat fish, but not meat. I still usually don't cook fish, but during this challenge I thought I should try it. Besides I haven't made salmon in the oven ever so it would be a nice thing to try I believe.

T - tofu - as I haven't made anything with tofu recently, it has become a fear food. I don't even know why. For example I could make tofu and chickpea curry which I really love, but instead of this I get the thoughts like "use only chickpeas, why would you add something? Even better - use only low calorie veggies!". I want to get over this.

U - udon - it was almost impossible to come up with something starting with U. Then I finally decided I need to make udon. Udon are those really thick Japanese noodles. I think I have to order it online, as no stores sell it.

V - vanilla pudding - there is this one company that just released three new puddings, which have, well... a lot of calories. So I thought it would be good to try vanilla one of those. But I still need to say that Japanese puddings are so much better than the ones I have had in Estonia. It doesn't even moderately remind me of Japanese pudding.

W - waffles - for sooooo long I have been wanting to have those thick Belgian waffles. They have these in some supermarkets. I could use a toaster and toast it, add some frozen berries and enjoy it. I really hope that I can manage this, as it has been in the list for forever.

Y - yoghurt - maybe this is surprising, maybe not. I am one of those people who used to say that all these low calorie protein yoghurts are as good as normal ones. Bullshit. The normal yoghurt with fat and everything is a way to go. So I am going to get it and enjoy it.

I couldn't find anything with Z and X. And I didn't add Estonian üõäö letters as well. But I wanted to say that if you have any ideas, please let me know in the comments or on twitter or on instagram and so on. It was quite diffiult to come up with all of these things.

As we are still in lockdown, I don't know when I start with the challenge. I also wanted to say that probablt I won't make them all in a row - I have a list on my phone and I am going to pick what is available. But I want to complete them all.

I also thought that I will post in threes, for example I would pick A, B and C and then write down how it was to have those things and maybe discuss some other topics as well. Also, if there is anything you would like to read about, let me know. It would be amazing.

EDIT: someone recommended me to take zucchini for Z, and my first thought was that this is not a fear food. But then she said that I could make zucchini pancakes (batter them in flour and egg mixture and fry up, such an Estonian thing). And then it would be a challenge. So I am adding this!