Anorexia and sport

1:50:00 AM

One thing I really miss, is working out, especially running.

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I got some protein bars from Paradise Foods and I highly recommend. Especially the ones with coconut and chocolate, these are really good!

I have been playing with the idea to just screw everything and start going to running again. But there is still a part of me that knows it is not a good idea. I still need to gain some weight so it would be safe for e.

But this need to move is so strong and it is so difficult to fight with it. I understand that my illness is the one thing that makes me want to run. But there is still some healthy Signe too, that knows that running would be motivating. I would at least like to go for a trial run, even if it is just to show that I am not strong enough to run at the moment - maybe it would help with this need and help to control tehse emotions...? I don't know.

I just read an article about working out during your eating disorder, if someone is interested. I learned several things and it was an interesting read. For example I learned that sport helps with you bone health only when you are well physically. Otherways it would be more damaging. Also I had no idea that working out with an anorexia slows down your metapolic rate.

The other thing which I would like to do, is yoga. It helps to improve your relationship with your body. But at the same time I just can't get behind following a video tutorial. I really need to be in a class with other people, to commit enough. It is really uncomfy trying to see the screen while following the moves. Also during a class, instructor can give you feedback.

I wonder if there are other things I would like to do (or do again). I guess there is bouldering. And also I would love to go to a work out class, I used to love bodycombat. And also why not try out something new.

At the same time there is this main question - is it me and my liking for these things, or is this caused by my anorexia? In deep down I need to understand what makes me want to exercise.

Recovering has many aspects. One is, yes, to gain enough weight to be healthy. And then there is the other, compensatory behaviours part. Would I still be able to eat normally if I didn't work out? To this question I am supposed to be able to answer with yes. Then that would be healthy. At the moment I know that anorexia plays a role in it.

There are 2 good articles written by one girl who made it through anorexia recovery. Read it here and here.

What I have been doing at home, is some stretching and flexibility routines. My favourite to follow is this video. The first time I did it, my muscles even felt sore (which was actually a nice feeling). But I haven't done like proper at home workouts or anything, because I know that I shouldn't. Anyway, I think that just stretching is fine.

But yeah, it is difficult. I want to do so many things. I am eating more and have more energy and I really want to use it. But at the same time I know I walk around too much and even stopping myself from doing that is rather difficult. And I know that I definitely shouldn't run for now... we shall see. Maybe I can do it soon enough. I have a goal, there is some light at the end of the tunel. And I will reach it, one way or another!

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