I don't know why, but I feel like I haven't written for YEARS, even though I just did it on Monday. :D Also I wouldn't say a lot has happened either, so I don't know why I am feeling like this.

Yesterday I saw my psychologist, who was super happy that I had gained a kilo from our last appointment. It made me feel proud and I wasn't upset at all - this was surprising.

Then... I started going to yoga! But I thought about making a separate post about it. In general I can say that I love it and it is like... I don't know, I feel like I am in control of my own life again. Until now everyone have said that I can't work out, but as I have gained weight and I want to know my body better, I decided to try it. And just knowing that "after work I am going to a yoga class" has helped me through several awful days. And finally it is something in addition to work-home-work-home grind. This is helpful.

I really liked my alphabet challenge. I want to do something similar to this... and then I thought for a while about what I can do, that would be similar, but not the same. Finally I decided on 7 days and having 7 fear foods during this time. I will try and make a list about 7 scariest things.

So here is the list and on next Friday I will post about how I did. I don't know if I will have them in order as I write them down, but I will see.

1. Cake/pie

I don't know why this is so scary for me. Maybe because whenever you look up cake calories, it is a lot more than a regular snack. Today it is my last day at work before vacation and I decided to make pear-curd cream cake for others to try and to challenge myself. :D So my first snack today will be cake... and I am nervous. But I have to do it and I can't restrict in any way. This is normal. This is okay. Sometimes you just have a cake and there is even a reason for it - I am going on a vacation. And I have already thought that I will have TWO SLICES, one before lunch and the other after lunch. :D At least I don't have to worry about what to have as a snack!

2. Pasta

Pasta is still very high on my fear foods list. I also got the pasta that has the recommended serving size on it, and calories for it. But I think that maybe this is a good challenge in itself - I need to ignore this and have exactly as much as I want to and feel like I need. These portion sizes are just that - a recommendations. Besides, people are different, people use up more or less energy, preferance about food is also different. People's sizes are also very different. You can't possibly think that there is the same serving size for a man weighing 90 kgs and for a woman weighing 55 kgs. So this recommendation is shit!

3. Liquid calories

Another thing I have not challenged in a while. This could be juice, smoothie, cocktail, cocoa, some other drink. We shall see what I feel like and what I can have. This is probably one of the biggest fears as well and I think it is a fear for a lot of people suffering from an ED. You can only get over this if you practice it. You need to do this again and again until it is not scary any more. For example I would really like to try bubble tea, I have been waiting to try it from the beginning of this year already... :D

4. Pizza

I have had it on some occasions and once even made it at home, but I still feel like this is high on the fear foods list. I don't know if we will get a takeaway, buy frozen pizza or make some ourself, but I need to have it. I have always thought that pizza is so overrated and just "meh", but whenever I have it, I am like THIS IS SO GOOD. Also for a while I have been thinking of having another pizza from Mega Hea Pizza place, and have one full one for myself, not to share. We shall see how this goes, but I hope that it will go well.

5. Cookies

I don't know how many times I have stand in front of cookies at the store and thought that I just want some, but I have been too scared. Or I have thought that I don't want to get a full package, as I want to try different things, not to have the same cookies every day. But I feel like maybe I should, to get over this fear for once. Somehow cookies are more difficult than chocolate, peanut bars or something similar. I don't know why. Ideally I would like to go out with someone, have a nice BIG and TASTY cookie and a cup of coffee... yep. So, any volunteers to go and have cookies with me? :D

6. Jam

You are probably thinking that what do you mean jam?! I am thinking the same... but my usual porridge is with banana, frozen berries or fruits and this kind of stuff. With jam, I always think that it has extra sugar and it is not as healthy. But I want to break this idea down, and add jam to my porridge in addition to everything else. I have so many good jars I have gotten from my mum or grandma or relatives and friends and I need to have them. So it is about time. I really thought for a long time to come up with this, but yes. I think it is a good thing to challenge. :D

7. Fries

I am very specific with this. For quite some time we made fries ourself. Like I just cut up some potatoes, added seasonings and put them in the oven. But at the same time there are pre-cut fries in stores, you just need to put them in the oven for a little while. And I have been dying to try sweet potato fries. And for some reason I have been too scared of them. I thought that once it is written down here, I need to do it. I feel like this is also a good challenge and a perfect way to finish off this list.

But in general, yeah. These are the seven things I am going to have in seven days. I bet it will be difficult, especially due to my vacation, when I lose the structure of my normal days. I always feel a bit lost during holidays.

Also it would be cool to write down some general goals again. And then I can comment on if I fulfilled them. So maybe this week I try...

1. I will eat at least three meals and three snacks every single day. I am writing this down just in case, to remind myself that I have to be strict with myself during the vacation. There are already thoughts of restriction in my head.
2. I only go to yoga classes. No running, no biking, no more active workouts. Even though I would LOVE to do them. No, Signe. This is not okay. You need to keep at it for a little while longer. Look at the people around you in the gym, how they look like and how they train. This is a goal.
3. I will have less soft drinks. This is not directly connected with my weight, but my soda drinking level is a bit too high. :D

On Monday I shall see how I have kept at it and where I am. Tomorrow is already a bit more difficult - my sister will have a friend over and they are ordering sushi. I am thinking if I should take part in it, or keep at my own meals? I mean, it would be nice but... I haven't had much rice recently and sushi is so easy to eat. I will maybe have too much and so on. I need to think about it. At the same time it would be easy, as I would have the same stuff they are having and it is simpler. Oeh. Why can't anything be simple?! :D

Anyway, I don't know. I am feeling rather positive at the moment. It is Friday. I have a vacation coming up. Yoga is nice. I have control over myself.

Also I am going to see a flat today!

I wish you good end to your week!!