Me and Getter were talking about how blogs are sometimes like therapy. You can write down everything. And then I was like, I have no ideas for a new blog post... and thus I decided to just rant about stuff. I have a feeling that I have so much to do but yet I am bored. A weird situation. On some days while working I just wonder why time passes to slow, while at the next second it is already evening and time to go to bed. And then it is Friday and weekend and another work week ahead of me. It is truly spring already and soon it is April... how is it possible that time goes by so fast?

But yeah, this week I didn't manage to do any short challenges, even though I had some ideas and motivation. But yeah, it was not the right time to do anything, because I spent some time with people. And people > challenges. And well, I have studied quite a bit. I have done that less today, I need to get back on track. But I am tired so I gave myself a small break. I bet I have time later this week, and then I can cover all that I needed to do this weekend.

On one day I saw a huge progress. I was sitting at home and watching some TV, as My Kitchen Rules was on. And then... I shut it off and studied for 45 mnutes. I know, I know, I can't believe it myself, haha. :D But this shows how motivated I am.

Then on Wedensday my sister and best friend came over and I made some (vegan) pizza. It was really good and we had a whole thing between the three of us. I wrote on Instagram that it is so difficult for me to eat in social situations, because I have regulated it so much. Like, I always have food at 7 pm, I always watch some videos while it to distract myself and so on. And well, you can't really do it when you are with someone. So we had pizza earlier, talked and just chilled. And it was surprisingly nice.

On Saturday me and my best friend will have a movie night and just spend some time together. I feel a little bit stressed, even though I know it will be fun and I will get over it. I just have this habit of worrying ahead in time... maybe these are the first steps to overcome them. We shall see how it goes. I will try, as usual, to think clearly and not make it into a bigger thing than it is. I hope I will be fine and won't overeat. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed. I think later I will write that I either hate myself or I will be laughing, saying it was amazing. It is a normal part of life. I am just waiting for it to sink in.

I have been at the home office for past two days and I feel like I am going crazy. Next week I will definitely go back to the office. But I am currently waiting for a parcel, but I don't know when exactly it will be delivered. I hope it comes soon (it still hasn't -.-).

Yesterday I made a personal cookie cake. With Selga new coconut biscuits, curd cream, blackcurrant jam and kiwi. And it was really good. I can't believe I am saying this, but... maybe it was a bit too coconutty, hahahhaa. :D But I haven't had this cake in a long time and I have been craving for it. So I finally made it. For dinner I had poke bowl with shrips and quinoa and I kept thinking that this is too much, then I got a panic attack and had to call mu sister and ugh. It was a difficult today, to sum it up. Last few days have just been really difficult. I think it is also partly because of the home office again, but this eating thing is tough. I haven't had any guilt recenrly, but now for a few days it has been unbearable.

I wish I could just wake up and be normal. Also I looked into the meds I take and then I read that one of them is used to cure anorexia and it makes you eat more and gain weight. And then of course I started to imagine it is doing exactly this. I am thinking that yep, that is the reason I am hungry all the time etc. I know it is placebo, as I didn't have these thoughts before knowing this fact.

Then on Wednesday there wasn't anything interesting to watch on the TV, because the Expensive calories show was finished. Sad, can't liveblog any longer. Need to find something else to watch.

But what else...

Ah, I tried this new Fanta Zero and it tasted AMAZING. Like the real thing. I hoped that I would hate it, as I have a bit too much sodas, but nope. :D It was really good.

At the same time this green Fanta (apple, I believe?) I didn't really like, though I still drank it. And then there is this new vanilla-orange coke, that legit tasted like ice cream. :D Unreal. It was okay, but I wouldn't get it again to be honest. :D It didn't suit as a drink. Others I would have again. But I will still love Pepsi Max the most. I like it's bubbles more than in Coke, hahaha... very specific, I know. :D

Finally managed to write my thoughts out here. I started reading this "Good reasons for bad feelings" and it is really interesting! (Maybe I should go an study psychology instead?! :D) And I think I will make a separate post about this book in the future. I already started writing down some stuff for myself. But I don't know how long it takes me to finish it.

Today I am going to my sister's, she has a friend over and we want to just chat a little. I know that I would much rather sit at home and do nothing, live in my own rythm and do what I usually do, but I also want to push myself. Which is good, as I need to get over this. I think it will be nice, but at the same time I have this weird anxiety.

I have never had social anxiety ot panic about being outside in public places, but a few days ago I had this really weird emotion. I was walking home from the store and some people were walking near me and then suddenly I got realllly panicky thinking they will attack me. Of course that didn't happen. Then there was a man waiting for a bus and I suddenly thought that what if they have a gun???? It was so weird. I can't even explain it well. I just felt in panic and almost ran home.

But I haven't had any more of these moments now. Sometimes I get this "I hope everything is fina at home" feeling and then I hurry back, but in general I am not worried about social situations. I don't know.

This post seems so pointless, but I just wanted to write my emotions out. :)

Aah, then I also ordered Rohebox (Green box) which is a surprise parcel with vegan goodies. :D I asked someone in advance about what it has this time and then I ordered it. I am really pleased with it. I got cheese from it that I put on the pizza. It was really nice just on it's own as well, though my best friend said it tasted like bread and she said that she doesn't know what kind of cheese I eat when this tastes normal to me. Hahahhaa, it has been a long while since I had normal cheese, to be fair. :D

Anyway it had a lot of interesting things, for example also a set of growing some greens. Three days ago I started it and it has already grown so much, that's crazy! Also it had some new vegan puddings that I have already finished and I have also decided on when I make the brownies. Oranges went on the second day (and they were really good!). Other stuff is waiting for it's turn. But considering my tempo, it will be over soon. :D

I will set a goal for myself to get another challenge done, I need to do something, I miss it. Even though I do a lot of studying as a challenge, reasing, and work out at home. But yeah, enough about my venting now, I have calmed down a lot.