About midsummer day celebrations and braces

11:57:00 PM

Life with braces sucks. A lot. I had my dentis appointment last week and they put something behind my first two teeth and now I also need to wear some elastic things - they will help my teeth to touch correctly on the sides. And this is soooo awful. Also I need to physically hold my jaw differently to bite properly. My jaw is under pressure and eating is entirely impossible - my teeth on the sides just don't touch. Also I have broken several elastics within the first day already. I hope I will get used to it, because I need to wear them at least until 11th of August. So all summer it will be really difficult. At first my dentist said that this step will come at the end of summer, but they did it now.

Also this cost a lot, 110 euros. :( Anyway, yeah, it is very uncomfortable. And difficult as well, especially because eating is a struggle anyway. For example after my appointment, for dinner I had sweet potato that was really soft. And I kid you now, I ate it for a full hour! Depressing. I just need to have something softer/more liquid, but who wants to do that anyway? Soft foods and smoothies and stuff is not filling for me. To be satisfied, I need to chew something. So yeah, I don't know. Maybe I will take the elastics out for mealtimes and try it like this. Maybe it is better like that. My dentist said that everyone needs to go through this but it is not helping. It is soooo so super uncomfy. And I thought it was difficult until now! At least after this period, it should get easier. I cannot wait. At the moment I think I have had braces for about 4 months...? Maybe a bit more. So quite a bit from 1,5 years she predicted (and I really hope I don't have to wear them for longer).

What I also wanted to talk about is midsummer day. In Estonia we usually celebrate it with family or friends and have a BBQ, but I spent this year alone. I felt a bit guilty for not going to my parents' place with my sister, but all in all... I really needed this time alone. I made a proper meal and also had a lot of sweet stuff. :D I was good. Even though it was difficult.


Also this was my first completely vegan midsummer day. I used Bon Soya BBQ sausages, which are in my opinion really similar to just normal sausages. And for stuffing the mushrooms, I used vegan Violife cheese slices. It tasted amazing. Also I had some peanut butter ice cream and strawberries and finished of the night with around a kilo of watermelon. :D So I had a lot of food and more.

I am thinking that maybe there is a small part of me that was afriad of going to Viljandi due to the amount of food I would have had. In Tallinn I also had a bit too much food, but I think it was less than I would have had at home. I feel a bit weird - I can't trust myself. I want to say that yes, I wanted to be alone (and I did!), but maybe there was a small part of me that thought that. Anyway, it is what it is, I can't change it now.

My sister is still at my parents' place so I have been spending more time alone. I have done well. We also have a deal with her - I am sending pictures of all of my meals and snacks. This makes me responsible and helps to avoid relapse.

For some days now my weight has been steadily going up, so whatever I am doing is working. I also saw my psychologist last week and I could tell her a lot of stuff. I still can't say it was therapy, more like a consultation with a psychologist, but I have a feeling it was helpful. I used up an entire hour and told her about everything. About braces, work, eating and so on. Today I am also going to see my psychiatrist, even though I have no idea what I am supposed to tell him. I feel like it is unnecessary, but at the same time I find I should see him every month. To see how I am doing. But I still saw the psychologist just a few days ago and I don't know if they are exchanging what I talked about or... should I just tell him the same things?

I told my psychologist a lot of the stuff I have written down here on my blog. She especially liked my rant about commitment versus motivation. I also told her about my small challenges. And we also talked a lot about my Tartu experience and how it was there. I also told her that if I ever am going to relapse, I will voluntarily go to the hospital.

As my alphabet challenge is coming to an end, I need to come up with something new. Oh, me and my friend are going to do five tibetan yoga challenge. We are starting on the first of July. I am not really sure what it is about, but there is more information regarding it here. And we are planning to stick with it for 100 days. And if we miss a day, we need to start again from the beginning. Let's see, which one of us finishes first. :D

Anyway, if anyone has any recommendations of things to try (it can be challenges or anything else really), just let me know. My door is always open. Write it in the comments, tell me on instagram or twitter, whatever you find comfortable. For example someone recommended me a milk under last post and I am going to try it! This kind of small things are really important to me.

Regarding milk - tomorrow there is an event to try Estonian made plant milks which I am going to attend, as my friend asked me to go. Seems like something really cool!

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