On Wednesday, I watched this new TV show, where people who want to lose weight are put in the house with a lot of snacks and drinks in the fridge. Every time they eat from there, money is taken off their prize.

Of course previous to this I went to have vegan burgers with my friend and of courise I ate the whole pint of ice cream while watching it. 

I will briefly write about the restaurant too - the burger was amazing. But it didn't really fill me up, so at home I had another dinner. We both picked burger with shredded sweet potato and I highly recommend it. This is their comany's main dish. I would like to try one with Beyond meat as well, though, but you can have them somewhere else too.

Workers were also really nice! Food got prepared super fast, though they had a lot of take away orders too.

It was a bit sad that it didn't have a proper seating area. But it was still nice, we chatted and ate and talked about old times. What else! My firend got me some Biscoff spread which I have been wanting to try for forever and a lot of vegan YouTubers have it all the time! :D I cannot wait to try it on porridge, but I also did check the calories and oh wow it is high. but oh well, I want to try it both in porridge and also just on toast. Maybe I can still do it this month and post about it.

Anyway, after this meetup I went to the store, got some ice cream and then came home. I just took a shower and chilled a bit and then watched this new show.

Before writing down my thoughts, I wanted to say that I don't have anything against people participating there. They all seem really nice and cool and they have their own reasons. BUT I still have some comments which I wanted to share. If you are up to it, feel free to comment as well.

And I am basing this text on my own experience with an eating disorder. So I am not completely objective. But I do think this is something people need to talk about. There are times when I see articles about eating disorders in media and I already hope the people will realise how important this topic is, but then the next day there are 98755 new diet articles so it is of no help. :D Like, I know so many people who have had or have an eating disorder and they sometimes don't even know it. Only later they understand that ohhhhhh I think I have a problem. But if people talked about it more, then I think it would be understood better and people may get help when they actually need it and get well (sooner).

I talked a lot about Tartu with a new friend. And then I thought that even though after Tartu I had a relapse, it was still needed to get better. Without this, I would probably be dead? :D I know it sounds awful and morbid, but this is the truth.

Anyway, about this show.

Firstly, some of those people weight less than I did before my illness. And then about one girl the host says something like "she is about to lose the battle with obesity". I thought this girl looked FINE AS HECK. And then I was like... I guess I was morbidly obese then. Yep, this is what my head told me. I guess I did need to lose weight etc! But honestly, you can't tell this thing about a girl who has normal weight?! Like, what kind of show is this? All the viewers may be (accidentally) triggered like this.

Secondly, why do they keep calling those people "heroes"? Just call them, well, people. :D Is the fact that they go to this kind of show to lose weight something that makes them heroes? Like, of course, well done and all, but I was really bothered by the use of this word. It didn't make sense in this context.

Thirdly, I feel so bad for the vegan-girl! Like, they made salad and chicken in sauce (also the host was really rude, he was SUPER surprised when the people provided stuff for a salad. Like what the heck, people are not that dumb. :'D) and she just had some dry salad leaves with cucumber and tomatoes? This thing should be more personal, I don't know. It was weird that no one paid attention to it and she wasn't offered an alternative. My opinion on the show got even lower.

Next, I still find that a lot of those people would get more help from therapy. I think that even more than ruining their relationship with food, they are not getting to the root of the things. I can hope that future episodes are better, but I still feel like they are not actually dealing with the main problems.

Finally, it was crap. But obviously I will keep watching, because I have this sick interest in it. And as I mentioned at the beginning, the participants seem nice and they would be interesting to talk to. I can't say anything bad about them. It just... annoys me that this show can affect viewers in bad ways.

What do you think? Do you agree with me? :D I think that they should make a show of Tartu hospital, that would be fun. As I mentioned previously, we always ate three meals and three snacks. Same things. And people who were overweight LOST WEIGHT. So you don't need to diet, go to a weight loss show. And for snacks we always had half the chocolate bar, yoghurt, cakes, tarts, candies etc. So you don't need to only eat apples, really. Human body is quite smart and if you give it enough energy, things will balance out, you will see. I do think it is true that there is a set point where your body is happy to be.

Honestly, I am very subjective and wrote this all based on myself. I don't want to critizise anyone and I really don't have any issues with the people on the show. Just... a thing for thought. Hope we are clear.

Next week I have my psychologis appointment, I will tell her about this show, as it is on my mind. Interesting how many people actually watch it. My sister recommended me not to do it, but as I mentioned, I was too curious. :D

I am thinking of doing some shorter challenges soon. I have a lot of ideas that I haven't yet executed. But my working out challenge is coming to an end and also the one where I take pictures of my breakfasts. Then I also want to start some new longer ones, I am thinking of marking down my dinners. Recently I have tried some new foods and for example today I am going to make PASTA. Even though I had pasta on Saturday. I just wanted to, so. And I need to repeat the challenges, or they will forever remain scary. :D

Me and my friend thought about going to have pasta next time we meet up. Even though it is easy for her, as she is used to having it. But I don't know, I would gladly go to Vapiano pasta and pizza place. I have only been there once in my life. :D But at the moment I am checking their menu and pizzas also sound reallllyyy good.

I want to go eat out in many places in general. It would be expensive, but I want to try! List of all the restaurants and cafes I want to visit grows longer every day. :D I should make a plan to eat out every other week. Or if it is too much, in every 2 or 3 weeks.

I am looking forward to February a little. Not because I want to have non-vegan foods, but I have so many snacks I need to eat up. I haven't gotten anything non-vegan myself, and have focused more on buring (accidentally) vegan products. But I want to try the snacks. I don't like to waste food. So yeah, in that sense I am looking forward to finishing Veganuary. Even though I also haven't set a rule to myself that I CAN'T have anything non-vegan. I just see what I feel like and at the moment this feels good.

In my bullet journal I am tracking when I have overeating moments, but recently they haven't come up as much anymore. Well, I guess the last time was the second week of January. But now recently things have been fairly normal. But I still feel like it is a problem - I eat a lot and I feel full, but I still WANT something. I like eating. As I like the ACT of eating. It is difficult not to eat when I am watching something etc. :D 

I think I also reached the maximum in my workouts. I started with ten rounds and added one every day. Yesterday I got up to 30 and that is enough. Although this workout only takes like ten minutes, so I don't know if you can even call it a workout. Well, moving your body. But I am too lazy to do several rounds or something, but this means I don't see or feel any progress. Or maybe a little - pushups have become much easier. But in general there isn't any muscle growth or something.

I got for walks a lot. This year I have passed 10 000 steps every day. But my focus from the I need to walk has shifted and I genuinelt enjoy walking, enjoying the weather and thinking about blog posts etc. It is super nice when I can walk with someone. Last week me and my friend walked from my home to town center, it took us one and a half hours, hehe. :D But it was nice! It was snowing and everything was so clean and bright.

On some days I find myself thinking that I need to move more, but not a lot. And even if I don't reach the 10k steps, I don't really worry about it. On some days I walk more, on some days I walk less. It is normal.

This post is so random. But I don't even care really. I like talking to myself like this. As always, before posting I read it over, fix the typos and see if I have made my point clear. But it is still written on an emotion most of the times. Don't be too critical. Or discuss stuff calmly.

Anyway, yes, I will start some new challenges and I hope there will be more interesting posts coming soon. See you next time!