I am so freaking upset that my weight has gone up so much. And then I decided to restrict a bit and for a few days ate less and omg, I lost 100 grams and then I couldn't do it anymore and started to eat normally again and at the moment I don't care about my weight but in 5 minutes I do and feel shit again. And then yesterday at work someone randomly asked me if I have gained weight and I just... YES I HAVE but who asks things like this?! I would never think about going up to someone and asking if they have gained weight. Aaaargh. Phew, finally got it out at least.

As it is new year and everything is closed in Tallinn, I decided to work out a little at home. I made this really basic list of exercises and I started with doing 10 pushups, 10 ab exercises, 10 squats and 10 seconds of blank. And like, not only one type of ab exercises, several. I just can't really show them in the blog here, haha. :D And then every day I add one. Like on the second of January I did 11 of everything etc. I don't know how long until I stop adding them, but we will see.

On the second day when my muscles hurt (!!! I couldn't believe it, I have to be super weak) I got kind of scared as sore muscles is a symptom of corona. :D Then I quickly tried if I can smell something and taste food before I remembered that oh yeah, I exercised.

Currently I have done it for... three days. xD What a dicipline, right! I am not expecting any big changes, but I just think that moving my body a little is a good thing.

I have tried doing some yoga as well, but I just am too unmotivated to follow along a YouTube video. :S This sucks. I wish I was in a yoga class, where there aren't any distractions and where I don't have other option than to follow along. At home, there have been many times where I have started a video, but in 5 minutes I pause it and turn it off, because I don't feel like it. So yeah, I don't really have much motivation, haha.

In general the motivation aspect kind of sucks, I don't see it increasing. I thought that maybe it helps if I go back to the office, but currently it has been the same. But it is the first official workday this year (I am writing this on 4th of January) and I don't know how things will go. I don't really feel this "new year new me" thing.

I got some really nice comments on my post complaining about having nothing to do. Regards this I think that I really need to pick up some hobbies again. But I am too lazyyyyyy. How can a person be this lazy?! Or I don't know. It is always easier to say that ah I will do it later, ah I will do it tomorrow etc. And then tomorrow never comes. It was the same with my eating disorder at first, I always thought about tomorrow. Finally I am here though. :D We shall see, maybe at one point I do end up picking up some hobbies again. A person can dream.

Haha, I started this post as a fitness influencer, but now it has become just some whining on my part. :D I will try to be better. Anyway with fitness, I will try to follow these exercises at least for a month. Then this is kind of an accomplishment, as it was with the stretching routine I did.

Right now it is sixth day and some other muscles have become sore now. :D I added some exercises, so that's why. Also recently I haven't really been walking outside, but I want to move. It is also nice to make a list of exercises on yoru own, because then you can mix them up etc.

It is kind of funny that my cat is super confused when I get down on all fours and start doing the pushups. He always comes and stares at me and sometimes lays down UNDER me. I don't know, he must like a roof made out of a person, haha. :D

Yesterday I was like, I am too lazy to do it, but then I remembered it is only 5th day and I am not about to give up. :D But regarding this - maybe I have reached my limit. But at the same time I want to reach at least 30 (currently it is 15). Then this would be of some use.

Anyway yes, moving yourself a little seems to be a good thing. And what is also nice - I don't have to do everything at once. Like on one day I warmed up some food in the microwave and during this time I added some exercises, right there in the kitchen. You have to be clever! :D

Ideally I would keep this habit up all year. It doesn't take much time, it is healthy and nice. And then every month I could see my progress. Like do the exercises get easier or do I see or feel a difference. This very mild sore muscle pain is actually nice as well! But I don't want to get obsessed with these exercises. I don't want to think that it is a catastrophe when I don't do them on one day. But I will try to last at least for January.

What I also wanted to write about is that me and my friend had a pizza night. And it was sooooo difficult. Weight played a huge role in it, because the number was a lot bigger on that day. And then I thought about skipping lunch or not having breakfast etc. But I made this yoghurt bowl thingy for breakfast and had some proper food during lunch. And I also had snacks. And after the pizza I had some sweets as well. So yeah, I kind of got over it. But on the next morning the weight was up even more and it is really bothering me. For some time I was okay with it, but this comment my coworker made is still on my mind and I just feel very negative in general.

But! Of course we ordered from this Mega Good Pizza place. Mexican pizza and Thai pizza, on which we changed sundried tomatoes into vöner (vegan kebab). I have never ordered from a place as much than I have from there. Also the pizzas tasted amazing. Honestly. I will never stop hyping them up. And then me and my friend thought that we should have a pizza night every month or something. And get pizzas from new places.

In general the night was really cool. We got to talk about things that connect us, have some pizza and drink Pepsi Max lime of course. Perfect combination. After that we went to walk around for a bit, also stopped at the store. I wanted to get Biscoff, but it wasn't in stock. At least I got those gingerbread butter cookies I am yet to ry.

Anyway, regarding the pizzas, I have ordered them many times with my other friend. And even if he says that he hasn't eaten all day, he never finishes one. I don't understand. Because honestly, as soon as I finish, I feel like I could have another one and also top it off with a kilo of ice cream. I just crave everything all the time. Also on yesterday evening I felt full, but I still wanted to have something. I just like the act of eating. Then I watched some TV and ate. A lot.

Oeh, I don't know. When will things normalize for me?