Menu at the hospital - part 3 / with emotion
9:51:00 AM
Me and my roommate finally put together this 1000 piece puzzle. Mostly it was her work, but I did help quite a bit!
Monday
Breakfast - oatmeal, bread with butter, cheese and tomato, toast with egg and butter, coffee. (Eating was generally fine, I was upset that there was also kefir which I have to have as a snack. So I am going to have to have chocolate with... kefir.)
Snack 11:00 - kefir, halva (Middle-eastern confectionary, usually made with peanuts or seeds, very sweet taste.)
(This made me really upset. I really wanted chocolate, but nooooo, take what we are giving you. I bought Halloween chocolate and I really was looking forward to trying it.)
Lunch 13:00 - cabbage roll with rice, vegetables, bread and toast, berry kissel (sweet berry soup). (Something different for a change, but I am still so upset with the previous snack I was not enjoying my meal at all. I try to enjoy foods here as much as I can.)
Snack 15:00 - banana yoghurt, 3 pieces of Milka peanut and caramel chocolate. (Honestly I cannot enjoy anything today. Today sucks.)
Dinner 17:00 - buckwheat porridge with vegetables and beans, bread with cheese and butter, toast with cheese and butter, kefir. (Again I was upset because others only had one slice of bread and soup. I feel really shitty. Today has been awful and half of today is still before me.)
Snack 19:30 - vanilla-blueberry ice cream. (This ice cream was good, but my emotions were the opposite.)
Tuesday
Breakfast 8:30 - millet porridge, bread and toast with butter and egg and cucumber, glass of milk, coffee. (I don't get it at all. Sometimes I don't have to have the milk, sometimes I do. This is so difficult for me. Again, started the morning out awfully. I don't understand why things are not getting better.)
Snack 11:30 - 3 pieces of Milka chocolate with Daim, 3 pieces of Milka chocolate with peanuts and caramel. (I made it to the kitchen so late and could not enjoy my snack at all. At least I got to make myself some tea.)
Lunch 13:00 - beetroot soup, bread and toast, curd cream with kissel. (At least today I had soup as did others. This was the only good thing about this meal. I cannot eat as much as they are forcing us to eat here. This is so so so so incredibly difficult.)
Snack 15:00 - vanilla pudding, 4 pieces of Mesikäpp dark chocolate with crunchy caramel pieves. (There is a rule that you need to take 3 pieces of chocolate, but I was made to have 4. Of course I got really upset and cried. These past few days have sucked so much.)
Dinner 17:00 - rice with vegetables, pineapple and mushrooms, bread and toast with cheese and butter, kefir. (I had some tomatoes with my meal that my dad sent from home and it was kind of good. I still find that we have too many dairy products. In addition to bread. It is still difficult that others always have only one slice of bread in the evenings.)
Snack 19:30 - yoghurt with mango. (I have to say this is one of the best new things I have tried. It said it has big mango pieces and it sure did have huge chuncks. It was difficult to eat and I am sufferning badly with body dysmorphia.)
Wednesday
Breakfast 8:30 - rice porridge, bread with egg and butter, toast with cheese and cucumber and butter, coffee. (Today's breakfast was a bit easier. Maybe because I did not have to have milk or kefir. Anyway I will take ANYTHING that makes me feel at least a little bit better.)
Snack 11:00 - Dumle chocolate. (I don't know if it was me or my illness, but I always thought that I didn't like Dumle. But it was sooooo gooooood. Nice and caramelly. Really good with tea. Also got some guilt-feelings.)
Lunch 13:00 - pasta with vegetables, cucumber-tomato-cabbage salad, strawberry smoothie. (Others had boiled potatoes with salmon and sour cream, it looked so good. I am surprised that I don't get fish as often as others, as it is in my menu too. It was difficult to eat, because I am still scared of pasta. I just hope that I will have soup for dinner or something.)
Snack 15:00 - vanilla curd cream. (Until now, eating had been okay today. Until now. I think I would have liked a pastry, but at the last second I changed my mind and picked this. And now I cannot get rid of this thought. I feel really shitty. And too full. Disgusting. And tomorrow is weighing day.)
Dinner 17:00 - buckwheat porridge with vegetables and beans, plum juice, bread and toast with cheese and butter. (Again - others had soup and one slice of bread!!!!! I cannot stop thinking about weighing tomorrow.)
Snack 19:00 - cottage cheese with raspberry jam. (I got it from the store when me and mum went shopping. It does not have the lowest calories, but at this moment it was somehow okay. Besides I really like it.)
Thursday
Breakfast 8:30 - oatmeal, coffee, bread with cheese and butter, toast with butter and cucumber, bowl of cottage cheese. (It was super difficult to eat without crying. It is already 10 AM now and I am still crying,)
Snack 11:00 - Kalev's Halloween special chocolate, Milka chocolate with peanuts and caramel. (It is difficult to eat, I feel as I have been given death penalty, when someone is putting chocolate in front of me.)
Lunch 13:00 - beetroot soup, bread and toast, a cup of juice, some baked carrot pastry. (I really cannot explain the carrot thingy, but it was good. I feel upset and irritated.)
Snack 15:00 - curd cream pastry. (I promised myself that I won't have pastry, as I have too much bread constantly anyway. Because I had just had sedative, I took this. I feel super guilty and awful. I am so tired of fighting. I want to know how my weigh in goes on Monday and then come back to today. Because it wasn't okay today. I am still looking forward to seeing it being more stable. I guess we will see.)
Dinner 17:00 - pasta with vegetables, tomato-cucumber salad, bread and toast with butter. (I finished my meal last today. You could see it was a tough day. One more snack today and then it is over, finally.)
Snack 19:30 - trio ice cream (vanilla, chocolate, cranberry). (The ice cream was good. My mood was bad.)
Friday
Breakfast 8:30 - buckwheat porridge, bread and toast with butter and tomatoes, coffee. (Tomato was from home, my dad sent me some. I have been trying to have them as much as I can, even though I am usually too full. There is also so much buckwheat when we have this for breakfast. I wish there was as much oatmeal. I don't know how I feel today, I guess a bit better, but the change may happen every moment now.)
Snack 11:00 - dark chocolate with caramel, vanilla ice cream. (Honestly I didn't want ice cream as I had it yesterday, but we needed to pick fast. It had to be something sweet. Others also picked it so I decided to go with it as well. I feel empty and I don't know how this decision affected me. I guess we will find out soon.)
Lunch 13:00 - fish soup, bread and toast, curd cream with kissel, banana. (It would have been so much better if I didn't have to force myself to have this banana as well. It felt too much, especially comparing it with the others.)
Snack 15:00 - cheesy spinach-feta quice. (It tasted good and the piece was not as big, but knowing what went into it, I know it was quite calorific.)
Dinner 17:00 - boiled potatoes, vegetables, cream sauce, kefir, bread and toast with butter. (The amount of potatoes and sauce was huge. I know it is necessary, but I cannot go on like this.)
Snack 19:30 - overnight oatmeal with banana and chia seeds. (I ate it too fast and didn't enjoy it at all. What else... it makes me feel guilty. The fact that I ate it without paying attention, I just forced it down really fast. I went out with a friend and it would have been really easy to skip the snack. But I didn't do it.)
Saturday
Breakfast 8:30 - oatmeal, coffee, bread with cheese and butter, toast with tomato and butter. (Breakfasts are quite easy, though I am so done with having bread and toast. I still feel weird about it. Also I did not feel hungry before the meal.)
Snack 11:00 - Kinder Chocolate King Slice dessert and oatmea cookie. (I didn't like that I had to have the extra cookie. Instant guilty feelings, yay.)
Lunch 13:00 - rice, vegetables with beans, cream sauce, apples juice, canilla curd cream, bread and toast. (I changed the dessert, it was weird kissel made with dried fruits and whipped cream originally. I feel a bit guilty for some reason, but I can't help it now. What was difficult was that others had soup, but I didn't.)
Snack 15:00 - smoothie. (This was quite difficult for me, because it is liquid calories. At least I could enjoy it with my mum and she was really happy about her decision, thus it made me feel a bit better about mine.)
Dinner 17:00 - potato-carrot-cabbage stew, cabbage-cucumber salad, kefir, bread and toast with cheese and butter. (As soon as my mum left I felt awful again. Also two main meals and no soup in two days... not feeling too great about it. I wish time passed quicker. I know I feel better soon, but at the moment it is just... shit.)
Snack 19:30 - cocoa curd cream. (Compared to yesterday I enjoyed my snack. I have to say, all low calorie or protein rich yoghurts are awful compared to the real stuff.)
Sunday
Breakfast 8:30 - oatmeal, coffee, bread with butter and egg, toast with cheese, butter and cucumber. (I have been feeling really uncomfortable starting from last night. I felt super full. Still, breakfast is the easiest meals to have. I could say that I am getting used to it, but really slowly.)
Snack 11:00 - 3 pieces of Milka chocolate with Daim, 3 pieces of Milka chocolate with peanuts and caramel. (I had thought about what I wanted to have, but then the nurses told me to pick something else. And then I picked this, which is what I have had ever other day. It made me really upset. Okay, chocolate is good, but I want to try different things and they just ruined everything. I should have been sure of myself... I will try again tomorrow morning, but... it is just so unfair. So unfair. I can't deal with it anymore.)
Lunch 13:00 - rice with vegetables and pineapple, beetroot salad, bread and toast, kefir, banana. (I feel like there is more and more stuff that I have to have with each meal.)
Snack 15:00 - Blueberry skyr, 3 pieces of dark chocolate with caramel. (Finally finished the first chocolate. I will try and keep all the wrappings and show my collection at the end. Skyr wasn't too good, I wish I had something else instead of it. Today is not a good day of snacking.)
Dinner 17:00 - buckwheat with vegetavles, bread and toast with butter, plum juice, strawberry yoghurt. (Today there havs been so much extra stuff, I mean banana, yoghurt... I am too full and even feeling nauseous. I am also afraid of tomorrow.)
Snack 19:30 - ice cream cone with toffee. (Everyone finished eating before me so I needed to hurry up and couldn't fully enjoy it. Ice cream itself was good. Today finishes on a more positive note, than it started, but I feel more scared than in the morning.)
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