Every morning we have to come up with three positive things from the previous day. I thought I would mark down a few things that have made staying here easier or things that have left me with positive emotion in general.

+ My relative came to visit me. I haven't seen her for years, but when we were talking, it felt as if no time had passed. The fact that she cares is really adorable. I also had a crying fit, simply because everyone are so nice to me.

+ My mum came to visit me and I was allowed to go to the store with her.

+ I called my mum when I was feeling extra shitty, and she was just a voice of logic. I felt stupid about crying, but it is good when someone close to you can just repead things you know and have forgotten due to stressing over the situation.

+ A friend sent me a pile of books, snacks, face masks and stuff. Honestly, I have no idea how I deserved those people. I started reading "Orange is the New Black" (I have watched the seies) and I was thinking about writing a review on it. I am stressed about having to take all these books back to her... but if I need to stay at the hospital until Christmas, then I have time to read them all. Also, while reading that, I keep thinking as if I myself am in prison.

+ My sister is so supportive it makes me want to scream. She always says the right stuff to calm my nerves and she is another voice of reason in this deep dark mess.

+ In art therapy I made some interesting things. Unfortunately art therapy is not every day, but it is nice when we get to do something. I really want to continue making art - either in therapy or just fillinf my scrapbook, which I have done on couple of occasions already.

+ Group therapy is fun. It is always so quiet here, but actually it is really nice to have people talk about what is good, what is easy, what is difficult. It makes us all more relatable. Talking to others and nurses I finally feel as if I am in a right place. This relief is so big I barely can handle it. I still haven't let go of the control, but I am trying my best. I have noticed that I have applied some rules to myself even in here, but I am trying to make them lesser. When I write about some of my worse days, I will surely mention them.

+ A lot of people have told me that they are willing to come an visit. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I will never get tired of thanking you.

+ I finally came to a realisation, during some cry-times, that I would help with all I've got if someone around me was in the same position. So I feel a bit better accepting help. With this positive thing I have to constantly remind it to myself.

The next post will be about the new weight; I am also seeing my psychologist and maybe also my doctor. I will already warn you that it won't be pretty, I am dreading tomorrow and dreading all the bad thoughts.